So I don’t have many friends. I have a lady I have been friends with for over 6 years. We have kids similar in age. She would call me constantly when she was on mat leave (we work together) and I would always make the time and answer or call her back. We also visited each other fairly regularly and our kids loved to play together. She generally called me everyday during the week (or I would call her). Things changed when I was pregnant with my fourth last year and have gotten to a point where I constantly feel upset by the situation. She never answers my calls and rarely calls me back. She was always a bit flaky and that was ok. I don’t think it’s deliberate, in fact I am pretty sure she is just caught up in her own life but I am over feeling constantly hurt and sad about the friendship…… or lack of. I don’t expect a lot. In fact, I would be happy with even a short phone call to say hi. I get life can be busy but lately a pattern has emerged. She will not contact me on her days off and when she does lately there has been a reason, like at the end of the conversation she asks how to do something at work. She hasn’t even met my son who was born late last year. Both times she said she would visit she cancelled on the day. I am just not sure where to go from here? Do I tell her I am feeling hurt? Or do I just give up and stop trying?

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  • Its hard but sometimes things change in peoples lives so they drift away. it seems thats whats happened here.

  • From what you write I read that it’s time to move on and find another friend. Time to move on and stop trying. Maybe after some time when you bump into her you could discuss it

  • It sounds like you are the only making the effort at the friendship.

  • This friendship has either reached its course, or you may just need to give each other some space. I would wait and see. If she contacts you, then see how things go. If she doesn’t contact you again, then I guess she’s moved on.

  • if you’re asking the question, you’ve probably reached the point where you need to give up.

  • Not making the effort to see your son is pretty poor. I think its worth bringing it up next time she calls and telling her you are disappointed. She might make more of an effort or she might make excuses. If she makes excuses I think Id stop making the effort in return. I do think she should get a chance first as you dont always know things people are dealing with in their own lives, for all you know she could be sick or something.

  • I am in a similar situation.
    Best friend of 12 years who was like a sister now involved with an alcholic and does not have time to meet me at all. Telephone conversations restricted due to him being there the whole time and interferring in our conversations, reading my messages to her etc.
    As much as I like her and value her am getting fed up chasing her all the time. I have tried to tell her that it is difficult for me to talk when she has me on loudspeaker or when he is listening all the time but she doesn’t get it.
    He consumes ALL her time.
    Have only seen her 3 times in 6 months.
    She forgot my birthday!
    Last week she said “call me tomorrow he is at the barber so I will be able to talk”
    I am at the point of giving up but I feel she is in a toxic abusive relationship and maybe not able to help herself.

    Comments appreciated. Thanks.

  • When you notice you do all the work and don’t get friendship or commitment back

  • I would let her know how you are feeling and if it she doesn’t respond then I would let the friendship go. As hard as that is sometimes things just don’t last. Friendships work both ways and can be draining when you feel like you are putting in all the effort. Find a friend that you don’t feel this way with and you will find see new happiness!

  • I can understand this is painful for you, but friendships can come and go or change over the years. Friendships need to come from both sides and I don’t think you can force it. Reading your story I would personally leave the initiative to her and don’t let what she does or doesn’t do hurt yourself so much. Open yourself for new friendships but don’t totally rely on that.

  • Just give up, you can’t force a friendship and many times throughout our lives friendships fizzle out for a number of reasons. It sounds like your ex friend is no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with you and is putting some distance between you hoping you’ll take the hint. It happens.

  • Not to sound harsh but I think you should let this friendship go. It’s not fair to you to have to feel that way. People get busy yes but never busy enough to not be able to send a msg ot a quick call.

  • Life does get busy, but when they can’t make an effort to send a quick message at the end of the day, it seems it’s not the number one thing on her mind
    I would just give it a break for a while, let it go for a while. Let her be the one contact you, if u have already tried many times. Instead
    sorround urself around people that are their for you and your family it’s the best at times like this.

  • I think you need to first try and understand what’s going on. That’s just my nature – to ask why? But I also understand… when you step back from a relationship and realise you’re the one doing all the giving, and if you stop giving, then nothing comes back, you then ask yourself why am I bothering? what’s in it for me? That’s when you can let it go.

  • I would try telling her how you feel first an and failing that admit defeat she’s not a true friend.

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