Hello!

My daughter and great niece have birthdays on the same day, which this year fell on a Saturday. They are just five years apart she is 3 and my daughter is 8. This year we planned just a couple of her friends to come over for cake. We then went to my niece’s party and the whole family was there and they barely acknowledged that it was my daughter’s birthday as well. She did well holding back the tears, but could not understand why she was not given anything. Last year they were away and the year before we planned the birthday party on the same day. Which I had booked months in advance and even told them. We were unable to make it over on that day but still gave a gift. I just thought maybe a card would have been nice. I don’t know if my expectations are too high and would like some input. Thanks.


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  • They actually sound quite nasty to be honest!
    I would just throw a separate party with her friends and not invite them anymore as I wouldn’t put up with that kind of behaviour.
    It’s your child’s day as well and she should get to enjoy it.


  • Oh how awful for your daughter, and for yourself. No, I don’t think you’re over reacting, they are basically ignoring your daughters birthday. Personally, I would celebrate and focus on your daughter, that’s what they seem to be doing with their daughter.


  • So sorry about your experience – that is awful! While I’m sure they didn’t intentionally leave your daughter out and were probably just preoccupied with their child, I think it was very thoughtless of them. If it was me I would have included your daughter and made a fuss of her and ensured she also had gifts etc!
    Maybe in future each child could have their own party with friends but you could have a joint family gathering to celebrate both their birthdays?
    Best wishes :)


  • That is sad.. both of the children should have there birthdays acknowledged. I would suggest separate events from now on


  • It’s sad but you didn’t invite to the birthday so unless they are immediately related like grandparents I don’t think people care to bring a gift unless being invited. Of course they were going to bring gifts to the great niece as they and a huge party with all people invited. I know myself if I’m not invited to a birthday party but invited to the other I will buy a present for the one I was invited to and maybe just say happy birthday to the other person,


  • try to negotiate with parties on different days


  • There is some really good advice here :)


  • I agree with Michelle – i dont think they really meant to be rude but as you went to attend your nieces day they probably didn’t want to take the focus away from her either. I know it’s hard for children to understand – its the same dilemma at xmas like ‘well we didn’t get a gift from x or x but we gave one’ . I agree with keeping each one seperate for celebrating and let your daughter have her day I know cousins have strong bonds too so I understand it might be hard if your daughter wants to also be with her niece on her birthday.


  • I would just organize my daughters party and if they can come or send a card great. I wouldn’t go to the other party if its on the same day (to avoid further distress to your daughter and angst on your behalf) unless you can organize a dual family party where BOTH girls are celebrated.


  • thats terrible they should be making the effort with your daughter also :( i really think you should say somthing to them all so they know how you and your daughter are feeling!


  • people get so wrapped up in their child that they probably genuinely forgot as the younger the child the more big deal the parents make out for the birthday for some reason. dont worry as long as you celebrate her birthday and make her feel special for the day/afternoon then that is her special time.


  • We have a lot of family with near by birthdays. As much as possible we arrange either two different times (morning and afternoon – nearby though), one on Saturday one on Sunday or just separate them by a week. When they are young, it really doesnt matter what day it is celebrated on as long as it is celebrated.


  • I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to expect your daughter to be acknowledged. It’s a big deal at her age. Maybe you should focus on your daughter (ie avoid them on the birthday).


  • Forget them this year. Its your turn for your daughter


  • That’s just rude of them. There definitely should have been recognition that it was her birthday. I’ve been to parties where they’ve sang happy birthday more than once because there was another kid there with a birthday that same week. Very immature of them to make your daughter feel unloved. Life’s too short to put up with crap family…go make your own family with friends who appreciate and respect you.


  • I understand the focus was on your great niece but I still think a card would have been nice or birthday wishes.


  • That is very awful for your daughter. We have similar issues with miss 4. We just teach her that not everyone is the same and although we are caring and thoughtful sometimes other people aren’t that way and that is ok. In saying that if it is on her actual birthday we send our aplogies to the others and make the day all about our daughter and give them a card and prezzie next time we see them.


  • I’ll play the devil’s advocate here and I hope I have this right. I wouldn’t say it was rude for the rest of the family to not consider your daughter but rather an oversight as they were attending your great nieces party so that’s who they were focusing on. I do feel very sorry for your daughter though, she must have felt so left out seeing it was her birthday and the focus was on the other child, however it wasn’t your daughter’s party (if you know what I mean?), from what you have said, your daughter already had or was having her party with a few friends.

    Just a question here but do the family members that attended your niece’s party usually give your daughter a card or present on her birthday even if they are not invited to her birthday party? Have they been invited to your daughter’s party in the past, if so were they put out that they weren’t this time around?

    Party etiquette is such a confusing issue and very upsetting at times and your expectations aren’t too high, you’re a kind and caring mum who is upset that your daughter was upset and had her feelings hurt. Big cyber hugs to the both of you.


  • It’s rude. They should’ve acknowledge her birthday eg card or singing happy birthday. Next year just focus on your child & not run around for everyone else.


  • That’s not nice, maybe ask them why they don’t acknowledge her birthday


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