My daughter is 5 years old now but from the age of 4, she would get very angry & didn’t know how to express her anger because she had two older siblings who always spoke for her & it would resolute in her pulling her hair out & attempting to scratch herself. In Kindergarten she was terrible & both her teachers & myself were constantly trying to come up with new ways of settling her when she went into her rage moments. She’s now in Pre primary & has had a drastic turn & improved so much. Until she started school holidays, she went back into her old ways & started pulling her hair out in large clumps. However this is not when she is with me but when she is with her nana. Her nana doesn’t keep to my strict rules of sugar in take & when she is out with her, she consumes a lot sugar & my daughter goes crazy. I have told my MIL not to give her so much sugar but she doesn’t listen. My question is, how do I get my daughter out of these hair pulling moments & also getting my MIL to follow theough

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  • I would be seeing my GP about this and also getting some self-help books on how to react to children’s anger problems. They must be out there. Good luck

  • I’d make sure your MIL sticks to your boundaries and rules otherwise doesn’t get to see your child alone

  • Very difficult situation. I think you need to speak to your GP about hurting herself though

  • Maybe you should talk to your gp.

  • Not sure about the ML, but with our son it was a real problem expressing anger. We started telling him it was ok to be angry and that he could express himself by hitting a pillow or going to his room and yelling. We also got some kids books on anger and that it’s ok to feel that way. The main thing is not to try and suppress it “Don’t get angry!”

  • I’m sorry to say that one solution might be to not let your MIL be around your daughter unsupervised.

  • My son went through (and still is) going through the same stage. It’s the expression of anger and frustration which is part of it. So we were conscious not to say things like “don’t get angry” instead “it’s ok to be upset and angry and you can use your words to say how you feel” and then when they say why they are angry let them know that is ok to feel that way and they can express it. At the school they also teach deep breathing and if you need to physically vent you can hit a pillow or something soft.

  • Just tell her Nanna that you won’t let her spend alone time with your children if she doesn’t do what you ask of her. It makes you wonder if it’s too much sugar or something else that is setting your daughter off. Hopefully she will think twice before ignoring your pleas

  • has the school sought counselling or assessment for your daughter, she needs to learn how to deal with her feelings and express them in a way that does not hurt her.

    With regard to the MIL – does she not see the change in behaviour and how it is hurting her grandchild? Surely this would be upsetting for her too. She needs to get on board and support what you are doing, you all need to be on the same page. Otherwise she will need to be supervised to supervise your daughter, which doesnt really give you what sounds like a much needed break.

    Chin up mumma!

  • Exactly no visiting MIL til she adheres to your rules and yep a paediatrician should be able to help

  • Stop with the visits to the MIL. and if you can’t provide the food and tell your daughter only eat this food etc. Seek outside help as well and see if there is any other causes that could be contributing to the hair pulling behaviour. Wishing you the best to getting to the bottom of the issue.

  • Totally agree with other mum members …professional diagnosis and help is needed and also you must be tough with MIL …no visits alone with your child till she obeys the rules.

  • With the MiL it’s difficult. It took my MIL a little while to come around but she still does sneak in the junk, at least it’s reduced. What I would recommend is give your MIL treats which she can give the kids make a bag for each child and give it to her. Also with the hair pulling yes whatever is happening at school works but I would be seeing a psychologist if it was my kid to get some pointers and professional advice.

  • I’d be firmer with the MIL – no visits unless she abides by the ‘no sugar’ rule. Your daughter may benefit from seeing a psychologist to help her and you deal with those big feelings. Knowing that they will pass is important, as is being able to talk without fear of rejection or punishment, (not that I am saying this is happening.) Acknowledgement and validation is also valuable. We all need to learn effective and non destructive coping skills. There is help out there. Best of luck.

  • It seems like whatever is happening at school is working for her, but you need to keep it up at home and if MIL can’t be trusted to respect that, have someone else care for her who will.

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