I would explain to MIL that she is not being kind by giving in and if she cant follow the rules then sadly you will no longer be able to leave the grandchild with her.

I’d advise speaking to a GP or someone with some knowledge in this area.

I would be seeing my GP about this and also getting some self-help books on how to react to children’s anger problems. They must be out there. Good luck

I’d make sure your MIL sticks to your boundaries and rules otherwise doesn’t get to see your child alone

Very difficult situation. I think you need to speak to your GP about hurting herself though

Maybe you should talk to your gp.

Not sure about the ML, but with our son it was a real problem expressing anger. We started telling him it was ok to be angry and that he could express himself by hitting a pillow or going to his room and yelling. We also got some kids books on anger and that it’s ok to feel that way. The main thing is not to try and suppress it “Don’t get angry!”

I’m sorry to say that one solution might be to not let your MIL be around your daughter unsupervised.

My son went through (and still is) going through the same stage. It’s the expression of anger and frustration which is part of it. So we were conscious not to say things like “don’t get angry” instead “it’s ok to be upset and angry and you can use your words to say how you feel” and then when they say why they are angry let them know that is ok to feel that way and they can express it. At the school they also teach deep breathing and if you need to physically vent you can hit a pillow or something soft.

Just tell her Nanna that you won’t let her spend alone time with your children if she doesn’t do what you ask of her. It makes you wonder if it’s too much sugar or something else that is setting your daughter off. Hopefully she will think twice before ignoring your pleas

has the school sought counselling or assessment for your daughter, she needs to learn how to deal with her feelings and express them in a way that does not hurt her.

With regard to the MIL – does she not see the change in behaviour and how it is hurting her grandchild? Surely this would be upsetting for her too. She needs to get on board and support what you are doing, you all need to be on the same page. Otherwise she will need to be supervised to supervise your daughter, which doesnt really give you what sounds like a much needed break.

Chin up mumma!

Exactly no visiting MIL til she adheres to your rules and yep a paediatrician should be able to help

Stop with the visits to the MIL. and if you can’t provide the food and tell your daughter only eat this food etc. Seek outside help as well and see if there is any other causes that could be contributing to the hair pulling behaviour. Wishing you the best to getting to the bottom of the issue.

Totally agree with other mum members …professional diagnosis and help is needed and also you must be tough with MIL …no visits alone with your child till she obeys the rules.

With the MiL it’s difficult. It took my MIL a little while to come around but she still does sneak in the junk, at least it’s reduced. What I would recommend is give your MIL treats which she can give the kids make a bag for each child and give it to her. Also with the hair pulling yes whatever is happening at school works but I would be seeing a psychologist if it was my kid to get some pointers and professional advice.

I’d be firmer with the MIL – no visits unless she abides by the ‘no sugar’ rule. Your daughter may benefit from seeing a psychologist to help her and you deal with those big feelings. Knowing that they will pass is important, as is being able to talk without fear of rejection or punishment, (not that I am saying this is happening.) Acknowledgement and validation is also valuable. We all need to learn effective and non destructive coping skills. There is help out there. Best of luck.

It seems like whatever is happening at school is working for her, but you need to keep it up at home and if MIL can’t be trusted to respect that, have someone else care for her who will.

This is definitely something worth seeing a doctor over, it sounds like she needs intervention as she must be causing herself pain and could cause long term bald patches. May be worth seeing a derm additionally. MIL needs a firm talking to imo.

First off, I’d suggest outings with MIL should probably stop if she can’t listen to you and follow your guidelines. Yes, grandparents like to spoil grandchildren, but its becoming detrimental to your daughter’s health and well-being from the sounds of things.

Secondly, she’s a little girl with big feelings. School should be able to help her learn about the zones of regulation and what she can do to help move from the red or yellow zones back to green, to calm herself when she feels angry. My other thought was, like others, has she been assessed for ADHD or ASD. My child is ADHD and can struggle to calm herself when she feels anger rising. She tends to turn her feelings on me or her dad rather than herself, but she has got a habit of plucking eyelashes or eyebrow hairs at stressful times. I’d suggest working with an occupational therapist if you think there might be a sensory element involved with the hair pulling. Again, they can help suggest appropriate ways for your daughter to deal with her big feelings.

I would be seriously considering not letting MIL look after your child. If she can’t follow your care guidelines, best to stop visits til she can