Coming from your point of view, it doesn’t sound fair that they aren’t giving you the time or letting you have your own experiences with your grandchildren.
Coming from the point of view of a daughter in law, you may be being too pushy and contacting too often causing them to not want to contact at all.

You’re definitely not wrong for wanting more connection with your grandkids, especially when you put in so much effort. It’s natural to feel hurt when it seems unreciprocated. Your son might not fully understand your perspective, so maybe try explaining why these moments are so meaningful to you. But remember, keeping the conversation calm and focused on your feelings may help him see it as your wish to be involved rather than criticism.

I’m so sad, coming to the realisation things won’t change. I’ve lost my son and my grandbabies. Nothing has changed ????

Here we are, months later, and things haven’t changed. I feel like giving up but don’t want to miss out on my grandkids

I can imagine how hard it must be for your being so far away. My advice is to continue doing things for your grandkids as long as it brings you joy, and remember our efforts and feelings are not always reciprocated. If it doesn’t make you happy to go above and beyond, just put in what you get. Your son and daughter in law must likely don’t intend to exclude you, they are just very busy living their lives. I hope you find a healthy resolution.

Give your son a break. He’s busy. Yes, he probably should have warned you in advance, but maybe they want to enjoy the moment rather than filming or photographing it.

I don’t think you’re being selfish. Life does get busy but it certainly doesn’t take much to take a quick video or photo to send and to not acknowledge gifts you’ve sent is plain rude.

It’s tough. Communication with them has been completely cut off due to this. Not helped by MoMs posting the question on FB. My dil saw it, showed my son, they worked out it was me. To say my son was not impressed is an understatement. Even tho I had no control over MoMs posting it on FB

It really depends on the details of the situation

I don’t think it’s selfish at all to want to be an active grandparent and it must be tough that it is not reciprocated back.
Has there ever been any issues between you and your son/wife?

I dont think it’s selfish. It’s really tough to be separated from grandkids and kids

I’m sorry to hear that, and that you’re upset. It’s completely understandable to want more connection with your grandkids. Expressing your feelings is valid, and a compromise for communication might help bridge the gap between your expectations and their busy schedules. You’re not wrong or selfish.