My mum moved over from Scotland 2 years ago to be closer to her only 3 grandchildren, she couldn’t afford to rent somewhere, so we (my husband and I) bought a house with a granny flat so she could live there, and she cleans our house and does ironing once a week along with babysitting and helping out when needed instead of paying rent. She does also work most days cleaning for people. I am an only child.
We have had discussions about boundaries in the past which we seem to have resolved now however there is just a constant expectation of spending time with her and she feels that I never pay attention when she talks to me about things…..usually this is when the kids are around or during times when I am preoccupied.
She only has one friend and says she is happy doing her own thing but also says I never do anything with her either. I feel like her expectations are too high. I work and have three kids, we maybe get one one one time together a few times a year…..I see her around 4 times a week with the kids/my family around.
Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and can advise…..

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  • I book in catch ups at outdoor garden centres and we indulge in coffee & cake & chat & buy new plants for our gardens.

  • So conflicted on this one. I always try to see the other person’s perspective. Having just lost my nana, I know how much my Mum craves more time with her – but it’s too late now. I sense there’s something missing. Does she have one on one time with you in a meaningful way? Not just coming to your house but actually time with your mum. Yes there should be boundaries for any household. I love my husband but too much together is too much. Everyone needs time to themselves, but I wonder if something else in your life needs to give and that’s what you’re actually feeling without realising.

  • I schedule in one on one catch up time with family to make sure the bonds stay strong.

  • My partner and I live in a unit behind our daughters home. We pay rent tho and there’s no grandkids or jobs done in exchange for rent, who can afford that. It works for us, although I fo often miss our own place that was close to the beach

  • She’s moved across the world to be with you. Show some appreciation for all she does by making her a priority sometimes and including her, not just using her. One on one time is important. You will miss her when she is gone and regret the things you didn’t do. Try to put yourself in her shoes.

  • When your mum is no longer around you will want her to be there. We all lead busy lives and yes sometimes we dismiss things like your mum wanting to spend time with you. Take advice from others that have lost their mums, make time!!! Once she is gone she is gone for a long time. Make 1 day a week or fortnight to go out for a coffee and really sit down and listen, talk, laugh with your mum as it good for the soul. If I could bring my mum back to spend one last time I would. I feel sorry for your mum being here just so she can do the things she used to do for you when you were young. She is lonely and she is far from her friends. Your mums expectations aren’t too high, you are being dismissive and sounds like you treat her like hired help. Be thankful your mum is still able to do things for you so you don’t have to deal with the everyday things. She is only doing what you should be doing. Please wake up before you can’t talk or spend time with your mum.

  • That’s a tricky one since you’re only child and your children are her only 3 grand children and she has only 1 friend. Maybe an open chat about it and encourage her to make more friends through clubs and activities and developing a hobby

  • No advice sorry but it does sound like a very tricky situation! I wonder if she gets lonely having loved half way around the world and only having one friend here.

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