Look up thebutterflyfoundation.org.au. You can call, chat or email, they will be able to assist you. I have suffered from eating disorders in my 30’s and beyond, including anorexia. You can overcome this. Big hugs to you.

I agree with Jbuttxx that that a 14yr habit/disorder is hard to break and it will take time. But when you free yourself from this disorder you’ll probably notice that it was like a prison and that you will feel far better about yourself and in all relationships you have. I don’t believe you can overcome it all by yourself considering the time you suffered from it and the fact you keep it hidden from everyone. You sounds desperate, I would reach out and seek help !

Im also loosing weight ive been having a sustgen milk shake with bananna, rolled oats, ice and blend lots of good vitiams in it they use it also at hospital for sick people.

this is a very sensitive subject. Maybe some online help or private phone calls???

I drink sustgen, add a banana, oats, Ice and blend ,seems to give me energy

Some useful information at https://www.eatingdisorders.org.au/
You could contact your local hospital too who can put you in contact with the right people.

A 14 year habit is going to take such a long time to over come. Best to seek some professional help! Maybe try a dietician or a psych that specalises in eating disorders and maybe does Skype or over the phone consults

Yes I would first seek help from an online group as well, you will feel you’re not alone and that you don’t have to feel ashamed. It will strengthen you to share with your husband and maybe some good friends when you’re ready. That sounds maybe very scary now, but it take a load of your shoulders and give you a lot of freedom and it will give them the chance to support you and you the chance to feel they love you no matter what.
When an online group is not sufficient I would professional help. Make yourself and your health a priority, it’s worthed ! Xx

Try and join a support group on Facebook (iv attached a group you can join), talking to people who suffer the same issues can be a huge help, I suffered as a teen from anorexia and I had some online counseling which was a big help to help get me through it. The first step is admitting there is a problem, talk to your partner and be honest with them, they will probably surprise you and support you through it xx

Your first step is to see your local GP who will give you a referral to the best people can help you. I don’t know if there is any organisations you can contact for advice and support. Even young pre school age children can have eating disorders and be admitted to a hospital for treatment. One little girl was tube fed.