Hello!

I’m not sure what to do, my husband won’t stop smoking.


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  • I think you need to accept that it is his choice to smoke not yours to make.


  • I’ve never been a smoker so I don’t know how difficult it would be to give up, but it has to come from him. I hope he does give up soon for his own health.


  • I don’t think you should give up on getting him to stop – it’s a major health issue. If he really won’t, agree on some ground rules: eg not near the kids, not in the house.


  • Not much you can do. My hubby is the same. What’s the most frustrating with him is he’s been in hospital with lung infections and lung collapses. He’s been operated on to stick his lungs to his ribs to prevent another collapse. My dad died from emphysema from smoking and hubby has a few relatives who have died from lung cancer. But he won’t. I know he can because he has given up a couple of times over the years, for exptended periods, but starts up again. I know when he’s sick and dying from smoking, he will regret doing it, but it will be too late by then.


  • I wish I knew it really annoys me the smell the money and 20 years of waiting for him to finish a smoke or do something after a smoke …. I know it’s not easy to stop but he’s not even trying ….. I know how you feel


  • maybe he will want to give up in time – so he can be there for his family in the long term


  • I have gone through this with both of my marriages. The first one took it up and tried to hide it from me for a while before he just randomly started doing it in front of me. It was very hard to take at first, but at the end of the day I have learned through experience that you can’t force them to stop. It is heartbreaking knowing the affects that it is having on their health but it is their decision. All you can do is be there for them and be supportive while still trying to encourage them to quit.


  • He will have to want to give up in order to succeed in quiting!


  • So fortunate I don’t have this problem, but I still think you have the right to tell him how you feel and what it does to his family.


  • You can’t really control what another person does, but you have every right to protect yourself and your children from passive smoking. If your husband will not stop smoking, he should do it outside and away from the family.


  • My dad smoked when we were growing up and even at the dinner table so I know how you feel. The problem with this is it is an addiction , they cant stop unless deep in their soul they really want to no matter what . So if you are the only one that wants him to it wont work . My mother used to change bedsheets and towels constantly because of the smell so she was patience . Will he wear nicotine patches or accessories from the chemists ? ask him and see if you can devise a plan . Good luck


  • Nor will mine! Despite years of begging and pleading. He’s had numerous chest infections, both lungs have collapsed at different times (one collapsed round his heart, he was lucky to survive that) He’s had operations to glue his lungs to his ribs to prevent further collapses. His breathing is difficult, he’s had many relatives die from cancer, some from smoking. But he won’t stop. He’s underweight and doesn’t look well at all :/


  • you can order quit packs online, they mail them out. Has he seen the ads leaving the children without a dad …. sorry that sounds heartless, but it is so dangerous.


  • Maybe provide him with lots of information regarding quitting; products and support groups.


  • Smoking is a serious addiction, patience will pay off if he eventually wants to quit as you can’t make a smoker quit or a drug user stop using drugs they have to see how it affects them before they quit


  • this is so difficult and although I dont like smoking it is his choice and he is an adult so he has to make his own choices.


  • he will never stop smoking only because you want him to, i know its hard i am in the same boat i quit smoking 4 years ago but my partner is 10 years older than me and has smoked since he was 12 and was raised in a smoking house. he knows it is bad and has tried to stop a few times pills patches etc, the longest he went was 3 days. but he knows its bad and doesnt want our kids growing up thinking its ok to smoke so he keeps trying and together we cam up with some ground rules. the only place he is allowed to smoke inside is the toilet with doors shut and windows open. otherwise its outside. i hope he will one day click and make a mental decision to give it away. that is what happened to me i thought about quitting for a few years and even attempted a few times. but one day i decided i just didnt want to be a smoker any more, i stumbled a few times in the beginning, but it is important that the smoker isn’t made to feel too bad by you for a slip up a person trying to quit is harder on themselves than you know, and if they feel like a failure then they will decide they are a failure and go back to it. if he slips up reassure him that its ok to slip up that your proud hes trying and you know he is strong enough to do it. if he down right refuses to quit then ask if hes willing for your sake to set healthy ground rules like smoking outside. i wish you luck and if you end up succeeding head back here and give me a few extra pointers. cheers.


  • I agree with DEE4DEE. Maybe you can come to a compromise that he doesn’t smoke inside or at least not in the bedroom. A relative of mine tried to give up several times. He was managing quite well until somebody offered him one after a close relative’s funeral. The person who did it knew why he had given up smoking, partly for medical reasons and should have known better. My relatives came to a compromise that he only smoked in one large room at the back of the house, not where it could drift up to the bedrooms – or outside. No issue with that.


  • Giving up smoking is really hard, it is a serious addiction.The smoker needs to feel the need to give up for them selves and their health, rather than for some one else and some times hassling that person to give up, might have the opposite effect.Though non smokers should be able to say, please do not smoke in our house or our car and that should be respected.


  • You have to accept it is his choice and you have to accept it, but you can be honest about how you feel. Tell him your concerns and how it upsets you and the children if you have any. Also remember that smoking is very addictive and hard to give up, people quite often smoke when stressed so you don’t want him to feel bad about himself.


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