How do you answer questions about death with your child?

Hello!

Miss 8 has never experienced the death of a loved one until about a year ago when I lost my grandfather. Since then she’s had so many questions and most of them I just can’t answer. Things like “Mum, you say we go to heaven but why is there a cemetery?” “If you say your soul goes to heaven, what does that mean?” “Can we talk?” “Do we look the same?” “Can I still dance, sing, laugh, play like I can here?”…and the list goes on! Any good books or tips would be appreciated!

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10 replies
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- - Ellen, QLD said
  - 12 Oct 2020
    5:55 am
I like your answer Gorgeybee !
- - mom81879, QLD said
  - 19 Nov 2019
    4:53 pm
I would be off to the local library to source a book that explains death to a child. Not sure specifying heaven and hell is a good start, you need to be honest
- - mom94125, QLD said
  - 03 Jan 2016
    1:12 pm
yeah what are your spiritual beliefs? start with that or do just be honest with them but not scaring them. age approp’ terms though
- - mom81879, QLD said
  - 25 Nov 2015
    7:29 pm
I would answer as honestly as possible. It’s hard to answer and not influence her with your own opinions, but you need to try. I think you’re on the right track seeking out a book to help you explain
- - Gorgeybee, QLD said
  - 29 Sep 2015
    2:09 pm
I think that if you believe in heaven & eternal life then it’s ok to say that although you don’t know the answer to all the questions, that God does. And encourage your daughter to ask Him through prayer. My girls are always asking God to visit them in their dreams & show them what it’s like in heaven. And I think the more we encourage them to take their questions to God in prayer, the more intimate their relationship with their Creator becomes. Children have a simple & profound view of life that we can learn a lot from as adults I think 🙂
- - BellaB, QLD said
  - 20 Sep 2015
    4:50 pm
I think it’s important to stress that not everyone believes the same thing about death.
- - mom81879, QLD said
  - 15 Sep 2015
    11:39 am
I’m honest. My thoughts are you go in your box and that’s it. If your buried, the worms get you. If your cremated, you’re turned to ash. I say I’m not sure about spirits and ghosts. I would like to think loved ones still hang around, but I’ve never experienced, so can’t say for sure if it happens or not. You seem to have religious beliefs, so of course your honest answers would differ to mine
- - mom57665, QLD said
  - 13 Sep 2015
    7:41 pm
Death is tricky because some kids can’t cope with it and it may lead to anxiety or mixed feelings. I think when they are young parents should sugar coat death they have their whole life to know all the fine details.
- - mom109229, QLD said
  - 13 Sep 2015
    7:20 am
My daughter is only a toddler but my parents are elderly so I’ve been giving this some thought. I was planning on using books to help me.

Kimichelle has some great tips. I’ll use them too!
- - kymichelle, QLD said
  - 12 Sep 2015
    8:08 pm
These are a few I’ve found useful for explaining death. I found most at my local library.

“What does dead mean?” (Questions and answers)

“I miss you” (a first look at death) by Pat Thomas

“The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst

It’s also OK to say you don’t know what happens, or don’t know an answer to their question, and you could say “I like to believe that…” of “some people believe that…” and explain in the best way you can that suits your beliefs.