I find that I get easily frustrated with my 2.5 year old when it seems that he deliberately doesn’t listen to what I’m asking of him. It can escalate quickly to him being yelled at and I know that’s not a great way to deal with it. Looking for other techniques to help me deal with this. How do you deal with toddler defiance?

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  • Bribery!!

  • I have twins around this age – and yes I hear you. Very frustrating! But it is a ‘normal’ phase (even though it drives us to breaking point!) Ive found picking your battles – things totally not negotiable regardless of screams of No and refusal (most of mine are safety, and routine – melas,sleep/rest time) and things you can give them a choice on like would you like your food cut into 2 or 4 – that type of thing. But im a firm believer in consequences and not just letting things go when dealing with a tantrum is too hard so ive done small time outs – sit alone for a minute (which is very effective when they see the other kids playing), talking calmly and at their eye level explaining why and saying sorry if theyve hurt someone, thrown a tantie or not listened. Saying sorry can be as simple as patting the persons arm when they didnt have the words to say sorry – but i also tell my kids I cant hear you while youre screaming/crying so when you can talk to me and use your words I will listen.
    Good luck and hang in!

  • This can be so tiring and annoying! Always try to remain calm and don’t yell – I know this is hard! When you speak to him, get down to his level so you are looking at him eye to eye.

  • Try to focus on the positive and praise. I know it’s hard but if you continually focus on negative things he is getting attention from you and so now he will, think this is the way I can get mummy’s attention even if it’s negative. Try and pick out everything thing he does well. Praise, reward to try and take the attention off the negative and bring it into the positive.

  • yes i agree with giving choices but limit them. i just say i will not listen to you if you talk to me like that. Talk in a calm voice and i will help you

  • My daughter went through this at three, it was just persistence and time out constantly, she eventually got the idea, however I learnt she was trying to show she was in control of herself, I found by giving her choices on how to do things she listened better (did you want to hop to bed like a kangaroo or creep to bed like a lizard, do you want to brush your teeth in circles or in strokes, do want your sandwich cut in squares or triangles) I tended to get inventive! Good Luck!

  • Be persistent!!!! The latest with my 2 year old is “Mama, I no listen to you”. I keep telling her, ‘even if you’re not listening, I’m still telling you…..’ I know it’s just a phase but oh so draining!!

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