My best friend and I were only 8 weeks apart in our pregnancies. Sadly her baby passed away having been born premature with other health issues – seeking any advice how I can support her though also understanding that seeing me may be difficult?

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  • Sometimes no words and crying with her is more powerful

  • It’s very difficult all you can do is try and support her through it.. be there if she needs you.dont be surprised if she backs off a little bit. It’s part of grieving. I couldn’t look at or hold a baby after I lost mine. But once I got through the hard part I was better x

  • listen to them and take their lead – if they want to mourn, support and encourage – if they want to move on help them talk about it and take the next step. not always easy but there is no real right or wrong.

  • Sometimes words are tricky, but thoughtful gifts can still show you really care – I have gifted a locket (for baby photo) to an older sibling, ambrosius flower fairies to a group of siblings with a forget me not one for their baby sister who passed, and participated in a group present of a reborn doll to another bereaved mum (she chose the doll).

  • All you can do is be there to listen, sit in silence and support her.

  • It’s very hard situation…just be there for her

  • There is no right or wrong way to act as it depends on the individual. I personally had a full term stillbirth and just wanted to be left alone by everyone except my husband especially after hospital staff said don’t worry you can try again/your young enough to go again. I also had a sister who was pregnant with me she still had 2 months to go – the day of the funeral she kept away from me because she felt guilty that she was pregnant and this made me feel awful. All in all you just need to sound your friend out and let her know your there for her whether she needs you in person or by a phone call

  • As a mum who went through this I can tell you although she is sad and grieving she would never use her grief against you. Be supportive check on her regularly but also give her space if she feels she needs it and time she will love your child like her own in her own time. Don’t feel uncomfortable or awkward around her as it will show. I’m also so sorry for your friend and the heartache you must feel for her

  • I have lost a child. She was 20 months old. Heart complications. Nobody was there for me. No-one to be an ear to listen. No-one to just pop in for a cuppa and chat. No-one to lend a hand with the house when it was so overwhelming. It was horrible. I get they “didn’t know what to say”. But all i wanted was for people to just be there. Be normal. Carry on with life but remember me. So when i could pick up the pieces i could carry on with life too. All i can say is be there for that friend. Pop in for a cuppa. Make it for her. Bring a cooked meal. Or just make her a sandwich. Trust me, she probably isn’t eating or at least doesn’t have the energy mentally to make that sandwich. Offer to get groceries. Play with her other kids. Do a load of washing. Just sit with her if thats all it takes. Point blank. Show up. Just be present. It means a lot. You will be the one that shows up when no one else does. She will Thankyou for it. Even if she doesn’t vocalise it.

  • Don’t give up on her, even if it feels like she is pushing you away. Keep reaching out. Such a devastating loss xx

  • That must be devastating. The best thing you could do is just be a silent support system as she may not feel up for talking. Bring her food, basic needs etc as she might not be up for cooking and looking after herself

  • You just have to be there for her. For whatever she needs. She probably won’t remember what you said, but she will remember that you were there to support her and to how you made her feel loved and looked after.

  • There will always be that part of her that grieves and mourns, especially when she sees you. If she named her baby, talk about her. name her. She will always have that baby, in her heart. And I know that those who dont mention her, or remember, it is like she didn’t exist. I have a friend who we talk about her son all the time, and the fact she is a mum to 3, not 2. Each Christmas card I write her, includes the name. And she appreciates that. Thinking of you, as it is a hard place to be in. xx

  • Keep talking about her babies – dont avoid mentioning them, as that hurts more than anything. Tell her you want to be there for her, but this can be however she needs it. One day she may need distracting, another day she may need to be alone. I think it’s okay to say to her ‘i can’t imagine how this feels’ and ‘i dont know what to say’…. be there …. when you ask how she is, just make it about how she is at that moment in time, she will feel different emotions the strongest at different times. It’s going to be awkward at first, as she may also not know herself what she wants support-wise. You will both be navigating a new, strange landscape. Let her talk, or not talk, depending on how she feels each day….

  • Ask her what she needs. And give her that. Even if she needs space.

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