As others have said, start saying no. Neglecting animals is disgusting behaviour and I wouldn’t be turning a blind eye to it and picking up after him. It can be hard saying no and putting up boundaries, but he needs to learn before he gets out in the world by himself.

I think you need to put your foot down and start saying no, or he will just keep doing it and taking advantage. If he lived out of home, he’d be paying rent and doing everything himself. Maybe start demanding board and refusing to baby him. Bandaid needs to be ripped off sooner or later. The more you give, the more he will take.

You say that your 22 yr old is entiled, arrogant and selfish and that you did not raise him to be this entitled. However you say about your self that you are a chronic overthinking, people pleasing, overachieving, catastrophising, enabler who has problems saying no. I don’t want to sound rude, but when this is true I’m afraid that you indeed play a part in the person your son has become. He’s an adult now, but it’s time that you put some boundaries in place and say no: stop enabling him

You cannot change the past. But you can influence his future and hopefully help shape him into a more responsible man! His brain is still developing until about 25 and their ability to reflect is pretty much zero at this stage.

I would encourage you to chat to a professional to build your own self esteem, Model healthier relationships and find a pathway to enable his independence away from home. We all love each other a little bit more with space!

I thought the same as another reader I thought the child was 22 months old u til I read the entire question. He is a grown man, sounds like you need to out your foot down and let him learn to fend for myself. Sounds like he is using you and your kind heart. I would be kicking him out and letting him learn the hard way. Sounds crawl but probably what he needs.

I thought the same as another reader I thought the child was 22 months old u til I read the entire question. He is a grown man, sounds like you need to out your foot down and let him learn to fend for myself. Sounds like he is using you and your kind heart. I would be kicking him out and letting him learn the hard way. Sounds crawl but probably what he needs.

You might want to try family therapy, so that there’s someone there to back you up when you try to talk to him. But honestly, your best solution might be making him move out.

Hes not a child anymore and it’s time you put your foot down. Let him know you love him but enough is enough and if he can’t start pulling his weight then he might need to find alternate accommodation. You are being taken advantage of so its time for some tough love.

He’s a grown adult and needs you to come down a bit harder. Have you got someone else who can support you and back you up while you sit down and have a serious conversation with him? Id be requesting some changes in behaviour, outlining your expectations and being firm with consequences if he doesn’t act on them

I was a little confused at first because I though he was 22 months old lol – until I kept reading.
This must be so hard and I know they don’t listen sometimes. You are going to have to have to find the right moment and ask him to sit while you have a heart to heart. You are no longer responsible for his pets and he needs to clean up his stuff. Maybe talking to his friends about how manage at home. Maybe ask if he has ever stopped to wonder how you feel.