From a young age my children had chores and this continued into their teenage years until they left home. I still have one at home and she is very good at pitching in when asked. Her room is not as tidy as I would like it but I just keep her door shut when visitors are over. A chore chart works well and my son who is now studying in the city at uni and living in a share house created a chore chart for his housemates to follow. We purchased a magnetic chart for the fridge and everyone had their chores for the week clearly marked.

You and hubby need to be a united front! Both put your case to the kids, tell them things need to change. Draw up a roster. I hope you find a solution as there’s nothing worse then feeling unappreciated and undervalued in your own home

It may be good to get some counseling when this is such burden on your shoulders for you to express yourself at a place you’re heard and to receive strategies

I feel for you. I also struggle with a messy house and kids not doing anything but my kids are a lot younger (3+7) and my husband thinks I am too hard on them but I think I am nothing compared to my parents. As your kids are older have you tried holding a family meeting and just trying to chat with them about your expectations?

Life is not meant to be hard… you just need to find activities to do to replace the amount of work that kids comes with. It is a great time to focus in yourself and find projects that might challenge you.

I always take time for myself and it is important to look out for health and wellbeing.

A family meeting and communicating the expectations and rules of living in an adult household is always a plan.

This would bug me to the core also. I would talk to them about it, if that doesn’t work, I would get them both to throw in $$ for a cleaner once a week.

Sit them down (everyone together) and tell them how you feel and what you expect of them. Let them know you are absolutely over it. Ask them what they are going to do about it. Who will be doing what. Then go away for a holiday.

Maybe you can all sit down together and discuss this.
If the ones working don’t want to clean up after themselves then maybe you should get them to move out into their own place so they can see what it’s like to be adult.

My sister is having the same problem with her brown kids. They are good kids but lazy and there seems to be just mess that follows them. Her solution is she is looking into some way to pay someone else to clean her house, something she never thought she would never come to but hopes it will help.

The kids (young adults actually) that are working should be paying some sort of board. Simply work out a board that is fair and tell them this is how much you pay plus $70 that is a $10 a day cleaning charge. If they dont want to pay the extra $70 then they must clean up their mess. Its their choice cleaning charge or no cleaning charge. And they can ask around and they will find that $10 a day is super cheap so no arguements will be listened to.

I would suggest a family chat wherein you share your expectations and come up with ideas how to give this form. I noticed that you say that you want a clean and tidy house and that your husband says the house is not important. For some people a clean & tidy house is not such high priority, we differ in that. Within the family system it’s probably give and take here.

Sorry but they’re adults. If they can’t clean up after themselves then head out in to the real world and learn a lesson or 2. We make our 2 and 3 year old clean up after themselves. I would never allow my adult children to not do the same. To be honest it’s such a lack of respect for the house and for you!