I’d suggest having a serious conversation about boundaries with the joint account and financial decisions. You might want to consider meeting with a financial advisor together, which can be a neutral way to explore healthy investing strategies, if that’s something he’s passionate about, while keeping shared goals like your home loan safe. And if this pattern feels more like a gambling issue, seeking support around that might also be helpful. The key is finding a path that prioritizes both trust and your shared future.

Perhaps stop putting money into that account yourself and if he questions you on this you can say that you will no longer put money in there because sadly you cant trust him not to touch it and until he is able to put the money back in there that he took out you will no longer contribute to that account.

I would be blunt and say to him it is both of ours and l need to know when you access it. It is not meant to be touched!

More than what he’s done with it taking it from the joint bank account without talking to you is a huge breach of trust. I think the first step is him knowing that wasn’t okay and why and making sure you trust him not to do it again. In regards to the shares see a financial advisor and work out the best course of action.

If it is a joint account there is nothing really you can do, however, you could take his name off it. Get him to understand that it was not ok he took this money out, and he has to earn your trust again.

I’d be taking his name off the account and say if you can’t ask me before hand then you can’t be trusted with the account

Definitely change account settings so you both need to approve large withdrawals – he shouldn’t have a problem with that as it is meant to be a JOINT account. I think that you are right and this is indicative of a larger issue though – depending on how speculative the companies he invested are, yes it could be a form of gambling. I think you need to both do some work to get to the root cause of why he thought it was okay to make a major financial decision without consulting with you. After I bought a bath on a whim ($1000) plus spent about $900 on some botox (whoops) my husband and I discussed it and our “rule” is that any purchases over $100 counts as a major purchase and we discuss beforehand. I can’t promise not to spend up when the money is there but I can promise to consult him beforehand, even if I don’t always want to! Best of luck to you both!

Thank you all for your suggestions and your empathy. Its made me feel a lot better and I now have a solution from this ever happening again. It wasn’t an easy thing to do.

You have to stop this and tell him that he has to repay it also make it that you both have to sign for any withdrawals and if he doesn’t agree then there seems no point putting money in for paying the loan as it is a one sided relationship. He is very selfish and should of disgusted it with you before he takes any money out as it is a joint account.

A joint account should mean joint decisions … ensure the security settings on the account mean that any movement (albeit withdrawals or deposits) have to be authorised by both yourself and your husband.

All you can do is try and talk to him again, gently so as not to get his back up. If he does have a gambling problem he may need some professional help

I can so relate to this! My husband ran up $60K worth of debt behind my back and then blamed me for being on (unpaid) maternity leave and not contributing to household expenses. Perhaps you could ask him to run it by you in future. Sorry I don’t really have any advice but know that you are not alone.

One very good reason why I would never have a joint bank account and I always tell my kids to avoid it too. My sister and her husband had one and she ended up cutting up his card so he no longer had access as he was spending it all

Go to the bank and make sure your account is set to need both signatures before money is taken out and you get notified as soon as there is any movement of funds. Buying shares is for the future and they do go up and down but if you are in it for the long haul it is a good investment. Make sure he put them in both names though. If you don’t want shares talk to him and see if a investment property is a better fit for your family. Always talk about financial issues together you make plans a one year plan and a three year plan. See how things are going along and setting yourselves up for the future and retirement.

A good idea would be to change the signing of the account to need both signatures, not just one or the other. I do agree with you that it is a form of gambling. Hopefully you won’t lose any more money and he puts the money back in and soon.

WOW! That is not okay. It’s a joint account for a reason and I would suggest you should always discuss how the money is used.

My husband is someone who invests in stocks. He did something similar once and I sat him down and told him how disrespectful it was and how badly it made me feel. He got it and now runs any larger purchase by me because we should be equal partners in financial decisions.

Think you have hit the nail on the head completely – see if your bank can make this a deposit account only for you and only mortgage payments can take money out of it.

Joint money is exactly that. Your husband should show you enough respect to ask before any large purchase so it’s a joint decision.

set rules so you’re both on the same page.
educate yourself about buying shares. when they are down its a great time to buy! its like sale time. be happy you hubby is investing and not being conservative just paying the mortgage. he is a keeper!