My partner was the same, he didn’t help out with the kids, but he also didn’t have the excuse of working. I still resent him now and am considering leaving him

My second born was extremely difficult. He would scream every waking moment for 16 months, attack his older sister and I was suffering from chronic pain so wasn’t to do much on my own. I harboured resentment towards my husband because he chose to work longer hours than necessary l he even said he had to put work first because that’s how we live! It turns out our boy has adhd and ASD. We still sometimes argue about how he wasn’t home much when he needed to be, but we have moved past it! Once my husband was willing to believe our son needed to be diagnosed, he realised that I coped the best I could in the situation. He also got a job closer to home and is now home more and even takes time off now, when he is really needed! He has always been a great dad and very hands on. But there will always be residual resentment there as I think about the person I became trying to deal with a difficult situation. I know him being there may not have made a huge difference in the long run, but I felt like we should have been able to find out! His family have also caused a great deal of issues between us! As you said everything is extremely stressful for you at the moment and he needs to know that! Discuss the situation and ask him to try come home early once or twice a week as you need him and his help. Don’t expect too much, but don’t leave the discussion too long either. Best of luck to you and your family. It’s not easy and people need to realise we don’t have the same support or child rearing practices of generations gone by

Yep, I’ve felt exactly like this, I still do. I felt like a single parent, hubby did very little to help with the kids or the housework, even though at times we were both out of work. Now the kids have moved out, hubby still does nothing around the house. If I mention it, I’m nagging and he reckons he shouldn’t gave to because he works. It’s so frustrating

My advice would be to talk to him about how you’re feeling. He may not understand what is causing you to pull away and we often forget that things that are obvious to us are not so obvious to pur spouses. I can understand your frustration as my partner works similar hours six days a week. We’ve worked out a compromise on spending time together as that was what was bothering me the most. He helps out with little things like taking out rubbish, washing a few dishes or watching our kids so I can get something done in peace since we talked about it. While things aren’t 100% changed and probably won’t ever be, I’m happy that he’s “seeing” the workload at home and helping out a bit more.

Having young children and a single income household with hubby working full time, I can understand your frustration and feeling like your doing it alone. The key is communication and seeking help. Your on right track because you’ve recognised that there is a problem so that’s a great positive step. Talking to hubby and telling him how feel as well as Counselling would me my advice for your relationship to start to heal again.

My second advise would be to reach out in the community and maybe join a mothers groups or speak to maternal child health nurse about activity groups you could do with little ones just so you have chance to leave the house and have some fun. Having four kids under 6 I know sometimes it can be easier just to stay home rather than take them all out but it could be nice to have change of scenery.

It is good reading the comments and interest to this!

Yes it has happened to me and unfortunately we will most likely part ways,

I hope things are better for you now. I feel the same. he thinks I sit around and do nothing all day! he works all week and plays cricket on the weekends and visits friends after work. so never home. yes financial strains and fatigue not good for us. need to communicate. hope you spoke to your husband.

I agree, marriage councillors are def. worth the money and time!!

Marriage councilors are excellent worth the money.

you need to see a counsellor as your overwhelmed and your partner is helping in money wise, but should help you as well, is there enough money to put your kids in childcare every now and then to get a much needed break?

OMG! I know exactly how your feeling. I went through this with my ex, I just didnt want him to touch me and everytime he did I would just push him away. This is your bodily actions talking telling you there is something in him thats bothering you..(which is why your pushing). I used to think to myself..why am I pushing him away? I know I love him but why am I doing this? And my partner that Ive been with now for 4 years I am just starting to push him away, he is studying so much and isnt spending much time with me anymore. He is cranky all the time and Im not feeling the love as much, he has stopped taking me out for dinner, not worrying about mothers day, valentines day and so on. We have a barrier and we push them away to protect ourselves,..even if you dont know why your doing it. Your body is protecting itself against something your not liking. I would say talk to your partner or go watch a movie with him. There is a little resentment that you need to discuss with him. Make him put more effort in. This my opinion and of what has happened to me so Do NOT think i’m attacking your husband in anyway! Hope you can work it out between you both. And dont worry It’s not just you I dont know why I have been doing it either, but I think its something I dont like and my body barrier pushes it away!

I think you need help, if your angry towards him now it is only going to get worse, speak to a marriage counsellor

We all go through these changes hun after having more than 2 children there is plenty of pressure, I myself have 4 children and know how you feeling but communication is the best in a relationship maybe sit him down and express how you are feeling and your feeling stressed.

Communicate! If you’re finding it hard, go see your GP who can give you some advice. It’s good that you acknowledge that there is a problem, and the fact you still love him and want to make it work is a good sign. Don’t let it go on too much longer.

The fact that you are thinking of getting help probably indicates that you need help. If you can, tell him how you are feeling and how you are struggling to keep up. Try and get a baby sitter to look after the kids one night so you can spend some time together alone. If this isn’t possible, have a night when HE can look after the kids and you can go get yourself pampered so you can have time away from the house.
Yes he works long hours six days a week.. Just remember YOU work 24/7!

It happens to the best of us. As your children get older things will change but in the mean time you need to get a baby sitter once a week and make it your special date night even if it is just for dinner or maybe going to a movie.. Having children can consume your life and if you don’t take time out together things can go very wrong.

Mine certainly did with my partner. It actually started to change towards the end of my pregnancy but got worse when bub was born

there are some good comments here

of cuz you should seek help!