Hello!

I am going through a messy situation with my sister as our father died and she never bothered to see him for years like I am talking years and soon as she found out he passed away she was so quick to get in touch with me to find out if there was anything left for her in the will.
She also never came to his funeral which I still am so upset about til this day.
I want to have nothing much to do with her but I am finding it hard to do it as she is my only family I have left. Is it really worth all of this stress anxiety and heartache?


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  • A very sad situation. I can imagine this causes you heartache


  • I would suggest talking to a counsellor or psychologist. They are trained to help people manage difficult conversations like this. I wish You sll the best, it will get easier xx


  • I don’t think it’s worth it. I would reduce your contact – ie wait for her to make contact – and save yourself some stress.


  • Perhaps he did something to harm her? Often family won’t mention it. I personally, have cut off a parent as it was safer. However, l would not encourage you to cut anyone off entirely without good reason. I would say try with your sister, but if she doesn’t make an effort I would not put too much effort into it.


  • I lost one of my sisters just over a year ago, and it is still heart breaking, family should be everything, but you do what is the right thing for you. Wishing you all the best.


  • My late husband and his brother had the same issue with their sister. When their Dad turned up to visit his grandsons and granddaughter, he had to use the back entrance so he wasn’t seen by any of her friends, and the only time she visited him in hospital was when he was in a coma. She told the nurses that they were to call her first. When the boys arrived he had come out of his coma and told the nurses she wasn’t allowed in the room again. When he passed away and the will was read she was furious because she was left nothing. I do feel for you and hope you can find some way to cope with the situation


  • I’m sorry you are feeling so conflicted with this. It’s a difficult situation, but I wonder if deep down you know what you want to do already. If you decide to maintain a relationship with her, it may be wise to set clear boundaries. If you decide not to invite her to stay in your life, look at others around you and see how you enrich each others lives.


  • This is a sad situation. To me, family is everything and we are all very close. Was there a reason why she didn’t go to her father’s funeral? Or she just couldn’t be bothered? I would try to talk to her and sort things out.


  • How much did you have to do with your sister before and during your father’s illness and passing? If you hardly saw each other, then go back to do that again. Just because she is the only other person in your family still alive and kicking doesn’t mean you have to suddenly be bosom buddies, you know!
    If all you are getting is stress, then move on and let karma eventually resolve the problem. You only have one life to live, and you should make it as wonderful as possible for yourself – if by chance your sister wants to share in that life, then she has to do so with your rules.


  • Her relationship with your dad should be separate from your own relationship with her. It’s up to her if she decided not to be in contact with your dad for years there is a reason for this. Of course she would get in contact after he passed away she is blood and entitled to her equal fair share, just as you are of any money. Her choice too if she didn’t go to the funeral. Just because they’re relationship ended for whatever reason it does not mean she gets no money, like what’s the issue don’t you think she should get any money so you want it all. I see no stress headache or anxiety if you don’t want to see her give her, her money and tell her you don’t want to see her afterwards


  • Sounds like there may not have been anything left for her in the will if they were estranged. I think it’s disgusting that someone who has no relationship with a parent thinks they are entitled to something when they die. I think things are going to get ugly, if she finds that you have been left something and she hasn’t, she’ll probably try to claim against the estate and there’s probably no happy ending in sight. Sometimes, despite someone being family, it’s not worth the hassle. She either wants a relationship with you or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t it’s not worth it.


  • I’m wondering if there are deeper issues here. There must have been a reason she cut ties with your father in the first place. There would also be reasons for her not attending the funeral – perhaps she felt she would not be welcome.
    My advice is to be as kind as you can to both your sister and yourself.


  • Sounds like a gold Digger to me. I would cut her out of my life even if she was my only family. People like that are toxic.


  • It’s sad indeed when people suddenly get interested in the will when a family member dies


  • It makes me sad that some people come out of the woodworks when someone dies and they only think about what they might be able to get and not the effect it has on the surviving family/friends of the deceased. It sounds like you weren’t in touch much before so just leave things the way they were.


  • How was the relationship between you and your sister before all this happened ?


  • I’m sorry for you and really feel for you too. I’m in much the same situation. My sister never had much to do with my parents but as like yours was on the doorstep for whatever was left to her. I have tried over the years to keep in touch as we live in different states but she had some problem with my daughter and I couldn’t even talk about her. I found out it was all just in her mind but decided I couldn’t deal with her anymore. Also, I never knew what type of mood she would be in when I rang. She asked myself and my Aunty down for a visit to their holiday home and it’s over an 8hr drive and she was so dreadful to my Aunty that we ended up cutting our trip short. We were driving out of her town and I had to stop because we were so upset. I read somewhere that if you dread speaking to someone or even seeing them, then don’t. Cut all communication off. It’s not worth the worry or how you feel. I’m sorry for your situation and I wish I could give you better advice but I can’t. If you can’t talk to family about your family and all they talk about is friends of theirs and their family, what’s the use? My sister kept calling my daughter an idiot because my daughter is very alternate in her way of life. But to each his own. So to me, it’s just not worth the hassle.


  • I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Your sister made her own choices and will have her own consequences/karma to deal with. I think it’s important to remember that just because someone is family doesn’t mean they’re not toxic. It’s so hard to keep boundaries with family at time especially when they aren’t on the same page as you but you deserve peace in your life and if your sister wants to be part of that she will be willing to do what she needs. I think you already know the answer, doesn’t make things any easier. Sending you lots of well wishes.


  • Oh wow I dont think I would be talking to her either so do yourself a favour and keep your distance I reckon its only making you sick and you need to look after yourself too goodluck with every thing love


  • Honestly, for me, just because you are born into a family doesn’t automatically make it you have to stay connected to them, it’s not 1700 BC where we all are stuck within our “clans”. Things change, people change, don’t get me wrong, it’s very unfortunate, but you can’t forcibly have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want it.


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