Gee, this article is nearly 5 years old. I hope the family sorted out their differences and worked through it amicably.

I see this is an old question. Were you able to resolve this issue ?

I would be talking to them and laying down some ground rules. If they still insist on doing their own thing, you may need to get legal assistance

Deal with it through mediation and family court. Document everything.

I think you need to think about sitting down with them and having a discussion about boundaries and also about when the kids will have visits with them. If they would like to see the kids outside of the agreed times then they need to speak to you first not just turn up. This will upset the kids routine which as parent we know this is important. Also no violence around the children otherwise access will be terminated if you don’t do this initially it will be harder down the track good luck with it all I know your frustration.

I agree with the comments posted. I hope you’ve been able to resolve this situation to your satisfaction.

crikey – you are in the thick of it! I would talk to the Police, they are good with this type of thing, also Salvo’s they can refer you to DHHS which can assist. There are lots of options for help. Perhaps Centrelink can also advise? GP Can also do health care plan, so you can get some fee help from professionals. All the best x

I would be letting them know, in no uncertain terms, what is acceptable and what isn’t! If it continues, you might have to seek legal advice. They can’t keep doing what they’re doing, it’s not good for you or the children

Tell her what’s acceptable& what’s not .Maybe inform school who can take your kids home ,list allowed people .

Interesting reading the comments!

Interesting to read the comments!

wow set boundaries! put your foot down….not rudely but explain that somethings aren’t acceptable

Check your legal position and ensure orders are in place and followed

Are there orders in place?

Think you should have a talk to her a.s.a.p, letting her know politely if you can be nice if she let’s you know, find out her plan? yes there will be a reason why,just a friendly conversation you might try. The other stuff I cannot comment on. Hard as lots of kids these days have extra parents, than I did it is true, but at least getting child’s name right is a conversation clue..

Violence should be reported and dealt with asap.

Is this other parent that you mentioned with the axe the step mum??? If it is that a little scarey. And something needs to be said about it to her(or your Ex) if it was done in anger or as a threat to someone in front of the kids( could there be another explanation for this at all?). Is she now acting as a go between for you and your Ex.so you dont have to see eachother.?
It also sounds like she is trying to find her place within the new family unit(although unwelcome). But boundries must be set like can you at least message me if you are just going to turn Up so we can provide a happy family unit for the kids?? Or can you let me know so we can work it ito the family court rules, with who the kids are with and when so the kids dont get confused, we all love routines??. If its a birthday gift she is dropping off you might just have to smile and make the visit as quick as possible but if its for any other reason thats not fair on you at all. Its hard enough to deal with shared custody or custody visits without extra unwelcome ones.
Also in regards to the school if their is a court oreder in regards to the kids make sure the school has a updated one so they are aware who is aloud to see the kids on the school grounds etc…. And state that its only you or the peolpe on your emergancy list that are welcome to see the kids without you present. Maybe even work out a codeword with the school that if a person knows it then its ok, but the school must call you if they dont.

Depending on the age of the children, some schools have a policy that only allows certain authorised people to collect the child from school. In fact up to a certain grade the teachers won’t let the children leave the classroom if the person is not authorised. (The same applies to Daycare Centres and Out of Shool Hours Care). Does the Step-mother bring birthday cards for the child – maybe their Dad is too lazy to do it himself. Is “the other Parent” the child’s Father? If your Ex Husband is authorised to pick your child up, could he have arranged for the Step Mother to go to the school.

Talk to a lawyer. You may need a family court order, and possibly an AVO. Once you have these, you have a clear basis to set boundaries.

The axe situation is disturbing – is an avo warranted? I dont think there is a lot you can do if they turn up in public areas unless there is a court order stipulating otherwise. Sounds like self mother is trying to forge a relationship. Some people are old school and think they can turn up at your house anytime, then wonder why you’re not home. If you’re uncomfortable you need to say something – ask her to call first, that’s usually enough to dissuade someone