With 2 of the 4 kids having special needs, there’s lack of me time. It has not become easier, but harder. Finding balance within the circumstances is most important. Ask & accept help when you need & can

Each to their own. Do what works for you and don’t let anybody tell you what to do. You will know what feels right for you

It gets easier

I’m finding it difficult to let my teenager go out with her friends. She’s a very responsible child, but I still wish I could always be there to keep an eye on her. I know it will become even more difficult for me when she learns to drive, and then go out at night with friends. It’s a tough gig being a parent.

That your work is never done. Just when you think you’ve feed everyone, washed, cleaned, ironing and a hundred other things, something new comes up. I never knew how much energy I have and how little sleep I need to live day by day.

That enjoy the days before school because once school starts, school practically owns you.

I wish someone told me that whatever I thought pre children would change – ie I’ll never listen to kids music in the car… now sings to best of playschool cd…while driving and forgets people may be looking…

I wish someone had told me not to leave it too long before having children. I still have teenagers whilst some of my friends are already grandparents. On the upside, I did have a wonderful time travelling, partying etc before settling down.

I actually wished that everyone had kept their advice to themselves because every baby is different, my 1st baby took 40 hours to deliver & ended up using forceps with no pain relief. Was bad enuf that I had nightmares afterwards & the baby did not take to the breast (I had the jugs but they were empty) so then I was made to feel guilty about it by the nurses so in the end the paediatrician ordered them to bottle feed him.
Took him home after 10 days in hospital & I ended up with PID so I was very ill & my husband was not supportive at all. The baby had terrible reflux from being on standard formula since he was milk intolerant & no one thought to look closer at it, I had no clue about babies so it went untreated & I was blamed for lack of skills. He would scream in pain for hours & throw up constantly so I was left to cope with it on my own with very little sleep & forget trying to go out or leave him with someone so I could have a break. My husband once said to me “my mother had 10 kids so why can’t you cope with one!” By the time he started to settle around age 3 I decided to try for another baby but needed surgery to repair the damage from PID so I eventually fell pregnant. This time I refused to see an obstetrician for the birth & they gave me midwives with the obstetrician observing in case I had another difficult delivery again. I had pain relief as soon as labour started & I controlled the birth this time instead of being strapped down in stirrups. I went into labour 1 week early & it was a hard & fast delivery over in 6 hours with no problems, again I had no milk for this one so he went onto formula straight away but he also had reflux so he was put onto a prescription formula that he was able to take with no drama, eventually went onto soy formula. I saw an older paediatrician when bubs started to vomit blood who told me of an old wives tale using cornflour in the bottles which makes it stay down better. I was sceptical about that advice & doubted that it would work but amazingly it worked!!!! That was the best advice I could ever had imagined because it solved so many problems related to his digestive system. I wish I had known about it earlier for number one child.
The worst advice I was given by friends was “make the baby fit in with your routine” That one was so bad you just have to laugh at it, kids do not come with instructions so it is a case of learn it on the run & they make their own routine. The best advice comes from other mothers so join a mother’s group then you can discuss things as they come up to see what works for other people. Also keep in mind that Grandma raised kids & will have many ideas you could use for your child. Trust your gut feeling & do what feels right for you & the baby, as long as he or she is feeding well & developing as they should you really can’t go wrong, a happy baby sleeps & behaves so much better. We had sleep issues so put a bed in his room so one of us could see to him & the other parent gets some sleep, he spent the first 4 years in our bed but it was a case of doing whatever was needed to get some rest. If you struggle with their sleep then get advice from somewhere like Tresillian who have access to specialised staff & they have a residential area where you can stay if it is more serious. I went there for a week with my first child to resolve sleep & eating issues where we realised he was milk intolerant but really too late to do much about it. I learned how to settle him & recognise when he needed to rest, unfortunately it did not help us with his eating behaviour as none of us realised he had ulcers which went on till he was 8 years old.
The best advice I could give is do not have expectations of how the birth should go because you will most likely be disappointed, if they offer pain relief then take it because it makes it so much easier for you. Only have 1 person at the birth with you who will support you no matter might happen at the time, it can be your partner, friend or family member. Be relaxed about the whole process because you may have an easy delivery or it could be complicated, I had one of each & had all these expectations of how it should go…. Wow was I disappointed. If someone offers to take bubs for a few hours then grab it with both hands so you can go shopping, get yr hair done or just have a nap, you need to have a break from it all because the first few weeks or even months can be hard. You will be tired, stressed that you can’t get things done or even go shopping around their routine so do not feel guilty about taking a break. Your life will change dramatically but it is worth it, you have created a perfect little human being who is 100% dependent on you but the unconditional love that they give is worth any sacrifices you have to make. The first smiles will warm your heart even on the worst days, then comes the first words & teaching them to say mummy or daddy. Be prepared for once they walk because they are off & running around in no time getting into everything. Get those gates in place for that so they don’t fall down the stairs or get into a dangerous situation. They are only babies for a short time so relax & take it all in so you have the memories that last a lifetime, I ended up a single mum with a brain injury when they were young but for all the hardship & lack of social life I would not trade it for anything. I have their loyalty & support now even though they have now left home & the relationship we formed 15 years ago after our divorce was open & honest so they can talk to me about absolutely anything even though some of it is quite personal at times. Anyway enough rambling, relax & enjoy being a parent because time goes so quickly & they are teenagers before you know it. I hope my story helps you in some way. Best wishes xxx

I had a C and was upset about it. Now bub is 8 months old I regret spending his first few days being upset about how he was born and not marvelling at how amazing he is.

lol this is a good question! but all the research, anecdotes and opinions can never really fully prepare you for life with kids!

that you really wont have time to prepare food and there will be lots of pj days . days you wil shower and put on clean pjs. and you wont feel like visitors much . unless they bring food and will accept that its 5 pm and you are still in pjs.
you just have to keep reminding yourself that even if it feels you have had an unsuccesful day and havent achieved anything well actually you have done both, you’ve kept another person alive. take each day as it comes.

have a phone call in peace lol

I struggled to do anything when my boys were small but I wish someone had told me how long feeding a baby actually takes. I was blown away but how long you could sit there..

trying to think – with kids always in the background asking questions, fighting, arguing and trying to pay bills, do the housework, work etc it sends me bonkers and I can’t give a straight answer.

I wish someone had told me to savour the last five minutes of quiet I’d ever have.

That cups of tea and food would be cold (quite often), that you can’t go to the toilet by yourself or even have a shower, nope kids need to talk to you while you’re doing these things, that quick showers do exist and are needed with kids, shopping would test your limits.

Shopping is a big struggle for me i always end up forgetting what i actually needed and end up with stuff i wouldnt normally buy just to keep my son from screaming the shop down.
Thank god for click and collect now that has been my life saver.

When your sick and just want to curl up in bed all day?? yeah you can forget about that, but when hubby has man flu he gets to sleep all he likes and complain for days apparently.

I wish someone told me that I can no longer relax and eat in my fave restaurant without hurrying up. =)