Hi Mums,
I recently found out that my 8 year old dds dad is wanting to take her to QLD these school holidays (we are all in Vic). He is going up there with his partner, whom I haven’t met yet, but dd has and said she is really nice. My issue is that dad can be quite strict and not listen to our dd so I worry how they are all going to go. Dd has only ever spend a max of 4 days/nights away from me as she doesn’t have an interest in seeing him for long periods of time, and he doesn’t enforce it. He travels 2 hours every 2-3 weekends to see her, which is great. But with that being said, there are times he will drop her off with one of his parents so she doesn’t even see him much, I have no problem with her seeing the grandparents, in fact I have said even if he isn’t in town, if they want to see her I’m happy to take her there so that she can see them.
I knew he was thinking about going north to visit his brother and I actually thought of going up there for a week in the September or Dec/Jan holidays and was going to talk to him and see if they wanted to go up at the same time so dd could spend a few days with him, and a few with me. I thought he would talk to me before booking anything, but he’s gone and booked, told dd about it, and hasn’t told me yet.
With COVID and everything and how it is bad, then getting better, then bad again, I just don’t know what to do.
What would you do? Let her go or wait until a later date?

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  • It sounds like a discussion should have been had between you both before letting the little one in on it. I’d hate for you to be painted as the bad guy because you have genuine concerns. It might be a good idea to make time to meet his new partner if she is going to play a part in your daughter’s life. I’m sure there will be times, no matter how short, that they will be responsible for watching your daughter if your ex isn’t there, especially if they travel together. You don’t have to be buds, but just a general meeting and being able to be on a txt or talk basis will be helpful.

  • I think you nee$ to tell him straight that you should of been included in what he wanted to do and where he was going how many days how they intended to get there. I think he is risking it with Covert he should of put it off till next year and I think you have a right to say no because of the Covert that you don’t want her to go that far and also she might not cope that long away and away from you if she wants to go home.

  • My only concern with covid would be having her on a plane with people from Victoria. QLD has it handled pretty well most of the time so chances are she won’t get stuck in a lockdown, but I’d be paranoid about others on the plane potentially being sick. That said so many people fly now and there’s not many cases that have been on flights so she’s probably fine.
    I guess at the end of the day the decision is your daughter’s if she wants to spend that amount of time with her dad or not.

  • I would be very uneasy- he definitely should have consulted you first!

  • I think he’s definitely done the wrong thing by not discussing it with you first. How did he know you hadn’t already booked something with your daughter that you wouldn’t be able to cancel without losing a deposit? It’s very thoughtless of him. I’d speak to your daughter and explain that if they close the border she may not be able to get back for longer than the time that he has told her. Get her reaction and take it from there. He could always either take her at another time or you could do what you were originally thinking of and see how that goes down with all concerned.

  • It looks as though you may not need to worry as the borders into Queensland may still be closed. I think he was silly not to discuss it with you first but I don’t really think it is an issue as Queenslander’s are unlikely to be stopped from going into Victoria, so they should be able to get her back in the time.

  • I would be unhappy he’s organised something without asking you. What’s most important is what your daughter will be comfortable with. If she’s not comfortable going, that can be problematic. I like your suggestion better for what you were planning.

  • I wouldn’t be happy at all that he has organised a trip without talking to you first. Regardless of covid.
    But the covid spread adds in a whole other ball game. After expressing my feelings about what’s already been done, I would be asking…. what are your plans if boarder restrictions come into place while you’re away? What are your plans if an outbreak occurs down there while you’re there? What are your plans if you all have to quarantine for 2 weeks either side?
    Hes really picked the worst time to go down there

  • Not legally allowed to do that without the other parent’s permission. My ex stopped me many times from taking the kids to see family in Qld. Get legal advice.

  • Maybe talk to him and try to explain him your situation

  • I don’t think that was fair of him at all, especially as you were wanting to go too. Not on at all, you have every right to be annoyed.

  • I would postpone probably and go up all together at a later date

  • i would be annoyed he booked without discussing with you. definitely bring up your issues and see what his reply is. he may put your thoughts at ease.

  • Yes I would have a chat with you ex about it too, express your thoughts and fears. Not pretty he booked and chatted with your dd about it, without communicating with you.
    As for your fears in regards to Covid, Queensland & Northern Territory have had the least cases.

  • Maybe have a chat with him because you are co-parenting so it would be good for him to know what you are thinking?

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