A bumpy start - Real Mum story on MoM

The first 2 years of my partner and my relationship was the hardest thing ive ever had to face in life.

In 2012 the day before my my 18th birthday my partner(23) and I found out i was pregnant we were so happy but decide to wait to tell anyone until we were out of the danger zone. a week later we find out his dad has chest cancer and only has a few months to live, 3 days later we find out his mum has bowel cancer and doesnt have long. We both were so shocked and was just beside our selves. My partner wasnt sure he wanted his parents to know about the pregnancy so it took a little less greivence away from them i guess. 2 months passed and his father died its was terrible i felt so helpless and useless in the situation we were in. I started showing and we both decided no matter how hard the situation we had to tell his mum so i didnt have to hide from her. She was so happy but so sad at the same time that she wouldnt be there for the birth of her 2nd grandchild. She was an amzing lady and did so much to help us set up before she passed. I repayed my gratitude with helping her right to the very end. i was 26 weeks and i was helping a fullgrown lady shower, go to the toilet and change over nappys and bags. I wasnt allowed to say goodbye to her, my partner didnt want me there and i wanted to respect his wishes. I was a hard thhing just to sit at home alone waiting for a call or a text or just somesort of notification that she had passed.
He came home and just hugged me and held me . it was a hard experinence and we are still trying to get over the whole thing. I saw her everynight after she passed whether it was pregnancy brain or her ghost i dont know but she was there and she just smiled. After all the stress my body was under i ended up getting preclampsia and gestational diabetes. but i mananaged

Last doctors appointment we were listening to bubs heart beat and the doctors face dropped and said wait a second and left the room. trying to stay calm i tried to get someone to come to the hospital to be with me . she came back in the room with another doctor and listened to his heart. There was an abnormal blip…..
My heart dropped they set me up to this machiene where i sat for an hour so they could get readings on his heart. I was then booked in to be induced.

5 hours passed finally contactions start
5 hours in pain increasing
20 hours in waters still not broken and have turned white and blue lips
30 hours in finally waters break and its almost go time
35 hour in they give me an epidural
36 hours time to push
38.5 hours my son was born healthy and happy 7.3oz blue eyes, smiling.

1 week later had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis
3 months later my partner and i havent kissed since the birth.
6 months later we had a date communication was bad and no intimacy. I then slipped in to a deep state of depression was put on 3 different types of medication to help me be normal. I wasnt normal i was Numb. this isnt living feeding my self medication to not cry, to not feel, to not live. I still am not medication but only one now.
My relationship is still on rocks we love each other but these 2 years wow really have affected us for the worst. The thing that gets me through the day is my little man spencer. he is beautiful.

Thanks for reading. i think i needed to get that out im crying but its good.

Posted by CatieGiirl, 4th July 2014

12 Comments

- - robyn_smithwick said
  - 13 Sep 2015
    3:08 pm
This is highly emotional. I hope with all my heart you and your partner get back on track.

- - mom113055 said
  - 24 Jul 2015
    4:19 pm
wonderful

- - mom113055 said
  - 29 Apr 2015
    6:39 pm
stories are great to read

- - chezza63 said
  - 15 Jul 2014
    4:01 pm
Such a sad story, i am crying right now….
I feel for you and your partner, must be hard for him to reach out, after losing both of his parents so close together, and he has chosen to take this avenue to heal himself, which is a shame.
He obviously has a lot of emotional issues he needs to deal with, he thinks he can do it by himself, but he can’t, bottling it up won’t make it go away.
My ex husband did that all his life, and through most of our marriage and eventually we broke up because we didn’t communicate at all….no intimacy nothing….was very hard to deal with and i feel for you and your situation, especially having a little man to look after as well.
Hang in there honey, i know it’s not easy, but we gather our strength from places we don’t know exist, and you will too.
I hope things work out for both of you, and that your relationship will get back on track soon…..*hugs*

- - CatieGiirl said
  - 10 Jul 2014
    12:13 pm
Thankyou everyone for you kind words and advice.

My partner would never consider councelling because he think its for the weak. me personally im already in counselling. he doesnt like to open up and admit theres a problem.

- - cherz said
  - 08 Jul 2014
    9:30 pm
Oh my, thank you for having the courage and strength to tell us your story. You have indeed had a very difficult and trying time. I also agree counselling would help if indeed you can persuade your partner to go. I feel your partner needs a little help to move on from his parents passing and to except and nurture his new family (you and Spencer). If he will not attend counselling at least try and have an open and honest conversation with him, explaining that his mum would have wanted a happy and fun loving family and her grandson to grow up to be a strong and caring man. I pray that things get better for all three of you and am sending love and healing thoughts your way. Please let us know if you need a shoulder to cry on or rest on or if indeed we can help in any way in the future.
Just remember you are an amazing and very caring person and you deserve a change for the better and that started with the gift of your son, so cherish every day and be positive.
LoVe and Light. cherz

- - jessmumof2 said
  - 08 Jul 2014
    5:15 pm
This is a great page to vent on you can get support world wide, hope things get better for you best of luck x

- - mel1 said
  - 08 Jul 2014
    10:51 am
You have had such a tough time and you are so young to deal with all that. So is your partner. He is very young to have lost both parents and is probably feeling a bit lost himself. But, having been through so much together already, you will both be able to deal with anything the future throws at you. I think you just need a little help to get through all that you have both faced in the last two years. Speak to your partner about going to the GP together and getting a referral for some therapy. There are medicare rebates that make it free or not to expensive. Just think in a short while you will both be feeling better and able to enjoy your little boy and give him the strong, happy parents he deserves. I really wish you both well and really think getting some help will set you on your way.

Also, I’m glad you reached out to other mums on this site, its the great thing about this site, being able to help each other get through the hardest, but best job, of being a mum.

- - damish70 said
  - 06 Jul 2014
    11:31 pm
Oh sweetie. I so feel for you. He’s physically there but not emotionally. You’re both dealing with so much grief & depression.Have you gone to counselling? You need to openly communicate with each other. I really hope things work out for you.

- - arcticwynta said
  - 06 Jul 2014
    1:23 pm
first I am so sorry you have been through so much. Your partner seems like he makes an effort but he has also lost so much and men really do deal with things different to females I know my husband is a bottler he bottles it all up and you only find out when you are at the doctors and his BP is through the roof. So just keep doing little dates and talking and the day will come things will get better

- - hopefullyheidi said
  - 05 Jul 2014
    12:53 pm
Oh my goodness you poor thing. Is he willing to talk about this issue? I know things have been tough with all that’s gone on but maybe getting him to communicate openly will help. I feel so bad for you as I can feel the pain through your article.

- - trishoet said
  - 04 Jul 2014
    11:23 pm
**hugs** thanks for sharing that my heart goes out to you. What a tough ride have you spoken to your husband about this? What are his feelings and thoughts about these last 2 years? Despite all that happened you and your husband are still together which shows that you are bith strong to still be standing. Sounds like you and your husband need a weekend away just the bith of you. Is the medication you’re on now making you numb? Cheer up