Hello!

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My son will be turning 40 this year and a couple of years ago he moved back home due to some financial problems. I often question whether I made the right decision in letting him move back in…but what is a mother to do? It’s much easier when they are younger and want to move out but now my adult son seems settled back in!


Posted anonymously, 12th March 2014


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  • Yes, you definitely need to set ground rules. He lives by Your rules, and gives your plenty of consideration and respect. He should willingly pay board – enough to cover food etc. and his fair share of utility charges. It is up to you whether or not you do his washing. If he doesn’t have much and his clothes are no dirtier than yours iand his doesn’t make an extra load it may be more economical for you to wash his with yours. It will certainly save on your water bill. He can help hang out and bring in the washing……sort the washing and put his own clothes away. Don’t “pick up” after him. He can also keep his room clean and tidy. Make sure you aren’t out of pocket. Besides he is saving on rent charges.

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  • I think its fine as long as you have boundaries and you are not the one looking after him. for example cooking all his meals, doing his laundry and doing all the housework.
    He must contribute with these every day tasks and even help in the garden or clean the windows, put the bins out etc what ever jobs need doing they must be shared like you would do with your husband so he is contributing to the household so it does not fall on your shoulders and if he is not contributing financially due to difficulties he is contributing in a different and helpful way. Otherwise men can get very lazy and take it all for granted and you can start resenting him for living at home. This way he is contributing and you will all be much happier.

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  • I’m hearing ta! My daughter recently moved in after getting herself into financial trouble. She’s only been out of home 4 years. It didn’t work. She lasted 3 months I think, and a lot of that time wasn’t spent here towards the end. We have a great relationship, but living together, doesn’t work

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  • thanks for sharing x

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  • Put him to good use lol! Make lists of jobs for him to do.

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  • i like reading these stories

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  • its a nice story to read

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  • the story is exellent

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  • top story to read

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  • it a a great and exellent story

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  • Always nice to help out but at the age of 40 you must charge him board or set up a living plan. For example pay for anything you do for him. Small amount first then increases the longer he stays. So long as you are both getting on and things are quite clear then there can be harmony. But if that is not the case it’s your home your rules.

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  • Hopefully his financial situation has improved; it can be difficult getting back on your feet.

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  • i hope its all going well. and you and your son are happy living together

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  • I have a Son that has come and gone many times but does not like to stay to long as he says living with his parents makes him act towards us as when he was a child so I would say at 40 he knows how hard the real world is and I hope he is paying his way but once he is on his feet again give him a loving nudge towards the door to once again stand on his own 2 feet. Just remember to think of your self in this as well you have done your time and it should be your time now. Don’t take me wrong my house has a revolving door on it and will always be here for my kids and Grand kids but I also know when it is best for all to seperate our homes again before any nasty things start due to feelings that may start

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  • I will always look after my children, but in saying that there is a time where they must stand on their own two feet. 40 is old enough to take control and charge of ones life. My advice is to let him stay till he gets back on his feet and then lovenly let him back into the world. Knowing that when life becomes to much their will always be a loving family to turn to is golden.

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