I literally just cut my baby out of his onesie

12 Comments

I’m typing this one-handed. I have my five-week-old in one arm giving me the stink eye while he nurses. He’s dressed in an adorable onesie with little foxes all over it. The suit has about three million poppers that had to be done up while he screamed and kicked, as both my partner and I attempted to put him into his outfit.

About three and a half minutes prior to this my partner called bullsh*t on the ‘EasySuit’ and said “you need to go get some scissors, we’re going to have to cut him outta this.” Yes, we actually just cut our newborn out of an outfit that we managed to get halfway on before he turned that red/purple colour and his eyes went full ‘chucky doll’ on us. Why do they make baby clothes so stupid?

The answer is hormones and idiocy. Hello hormones, thank you idiocy. Prior to the birth of our bundle of joy I went a little soft in the head and gathered a very large assortment of sweet and wonderfully cute baby clothes to feather my nest. Sailor suits, overalls, baby jeggings, you name it – because OMFG how cute are baby clothes!?

We were gifted hand-me-downs and new outfits from expensive shops with names that sound like a natural shade of paint you’d paint you house with – oh so many cute little things! I was prepared, and we were to have the best-dressed little chap in town. Awesome parenting – check.

I would often go into the nursery and do a ‘tiny outfit stocktake’ just to delight in 1. how wonderful my taste is and, 2. to imagine my sweet boy dressed in his best outfits for photos and parental visits. You could almost hear ovaries popping each time I handled the tiny clothes. Just like big people clothes, but for tiny babies.

And that, is wherein lies the problem.

You see babies, unlike big people, generally get dressed while on their back, kicking and wailing. The combination of frantically flailing limbs with a scream that makes you think their little head might actually pop off if you don’t hurry the heck up, makes doing things like putting an ‘EasySuit’ on NOT easy.

Our saviour has been those swaddles with the two-way zipper – essentially a bag. We dress our baby in a bag. But now as he lies here (currently asleep) quietly farting into my hand, I look at him in his little outfit and melt, he looks so darn cute in this onesie with the foxes. I really should buy this in the next size up.

Posted by reread, 29th May 2016

12 Comments

- - wendy_adhofer said
  - 02 Jun 2016
    6:51 pm
Always go for the next size up some of the items restric growth in the feet whilst babies are growing, I had to laugh a little god bless you I’m sure you’ll look back laughing..

- - june11 said
  - 31 May 2016
    7:12 pm
It can be hard to get the legs in & out when they kick and scream. I found it is better to put them in a size bigger than they should be in as it’s easier to manage to get the legs back in and the suit done up quicker. Press studs take aa fraction longer to do up but will not jam like a zip can.

- - Sarah93 said
  - 31 May 2016
    12:44 pm
I did the same thing before my son was born! We had so many beautiful clothes… None of which were practical!
He spent the first few months of his life in press stud or zipper onesies. So much easier!!

- - mom186025 said
  - 31 May 2016
    5:28 am
Love it, we cut our son out of a onesie after an explosive nappy not realising with the two way zipper that if we had it half way we could have wriggled him out. I still remember the stress having the newborn at home screaming and whaling and poo everywhere and we just wanted to comfort him, oh the memories!!!!
- mom90758 replied
  
  31 May 2016 , 12:04 pm
  Lovely memories, isn’t it? You made me laugh!
- - mom90758 said
  - 30 May 2016
    1:06 pm
You wrote such a beautiful article! I’m glad you found the perfect outfit now. Dressing your bundle of joy will become easier as he grows.

- - Lori-Anne said
  - 30 May 2016
    2:48 am
I am so hearing you right now. I have an 8 week old baby girl who is often dressed in an all in one suit for practicalities and she vomits a lot, pretty little clothes are just beyond my comprehension at this point in time.

- - mom81879 said
  - 29 May 2016
    7:46 pm
Onesies have got yo be the most popular outfit for a baby. Some are a bit hard to get on and some have design flaws, but mostly they’re pretty easy to use
- mom93821 replied
  
  30 May 2016 , 6:54 am
  They are so easy to launder too.
- - BellaB said
  - 29 May 2016
    7:24 pm
Oh yes, so many cute impractical clothes!

- - mom56312 said
  - 29 May 2016
    7:12 pm
I once found two of the best little kids outfits one was kind of like a sleep bag but a little smaller. It had a zip on the bottom of it..
The other one also had a zip that went right from just above the ankle of the outfit to the top of it..
My son was a premmie so he slept so much more than other kids. He only woke to eat and play for 15 mins before falling asleep again for the first three months…

- - mom93821 said
  - 29 May 2016
    4:36 pm
Onesies/wonder suits are so practical for little ones. I love them – sounds like you got a tricky one!