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Most people don’t really want to talk about Stillbirth/Miscarriage but this is my story that I want to share.

My husband and I met each other and got married and we wanted to start a family straight away. He was thinking about maybe 8 children and I was growing on the idea of 8 children but didn’t think it would be this hard. It took us roughly 6 months to fall pregnant and when we did we were so excited but waited until the 12 week ultrasound to tell everyone. We told my parents and my husband’s parent and they were super excited as it was going to be my parents first grandchild and my mother-in-law’s next lots of grandchildren.

Everything was fine and dandy until one Friday morning (about 21 weeks pregnant) I was having cramping and couldn’t stand up, so I took a bath which helped for a little while. I thought I was right to go to work, so I went and was okay until the afternoon, as it felt like it was really hard to stand up. By the time I got home I was busting to go to the toilet and when I had finished I couldn’t stand up at all. My husband carried me to the car and we went straight to the hospital. The doctors saw me and told me that I had a UTI (Urine Tract Infection), gave me some Keflex and sent me home. That night I went to bed and while I was sleeping I didn’t know but I wet the bed. I didn’t realise it until the very end, it felt like I was bleeding. I think at that point in time my waters broke.

The next day my parents came to visit and we went for a long walk, half way through I couldn’t walk anymore, so my husband took me back home as I couldn’t stand for very long and by Sunday he took me back to the hospital were I was admitted for the day. They took blood tests, swabs to find out what’s wrong with me as the cramping was still there. I was sent home again.

On Monday my husband took me back to the hospital again where I was admitted, the pain/cramping was still there but getting worse, they decided that it might have been my appendix so I wasn’t allowed to eat until the next morning.

By Tuesday morning I was finally allowed to eat as the surgeon didn’t think it was my appendix. That night the cramping was getting worse, I was getting them probably every 3-5 minutes and my husband was trying to tell them that I was in labour but they thought nothing of it.

On Wednesday the cramping was still there and they checked the baby’s heartbeat and it was as strong as ever. I needed to go to the toilet, I told my husband that I needed to go now, so the nurse helped me up and I saw blood. They put me back down and wheeled my bed into the delivery room. They put me on gas to help me breath properly and control the pain. They were telling me to push, I didn’t quite understand because of the gas until I heard them say that their getting the placenta out. I kept on saying why, the baby’s not ready yet. Then I realised that I was giving birth to our baby daughter. She was born at 11:45am Wednesday 25th January 2006, weighted 340gms and 26cms long. My husband held her until I woke up from the gas, I got to hold our baby girl in my arms and she was as beautiful as can be.

About an hour later my family arrived for comfort and support and all the female side of the family held our little girl and said their goodbye’s. My husband and I got to say our goodbye’s as well before they took her away.

About a week later we had a viewing of our little girl. She looked so beautiful and peaceful in her white coffin, so soft an gorgeous. We again said our goodbye’s but we know that she will always be in our hearts and in our memories. I think to myself if only I could hold you one last time, we will never ever forget you. The next day was our baby daughter’s funeral, we had many friends and family there to witness the funeral and to support us during this hard time. Together my husband and I put 2 white roses on her coffin and the family followed by putting flowers on her coffin as well, it looked so beautiful.

We know that we can visit her whenever we want, but it will only be her body in the ground because her soul will be with God.

Both my husband and I after the sad loss of our daughter we wanted to fall pregnant again and by this time my body stopped working, didn’t want to ovulate anymore or if so only a couple of months a year. We had help with pregnancy number 2, it took us roughly 9 months to fall pregnant and again a tragic thing happened… I miscarried. I fell pregnant again with pregnancy number 3 again had help and miscarried.

We thought there might be something wrong as my body kept on rejecting my pregnancies so we went back to our specialist and she decided to test our chromosomes. We got a phone call to say we needed to come and see her. I was told I have an extra X chromosome and my husband has an extra Y chromosome. So I am more of a girl than any girl and he’s more of a boy than any boy and there is a very slim chance that we can have a normal child. With so many scenario’s to choose from: Normal girl – XX, Me – XXX, Normal boy -XY, Husband – XYY. That was a complete shock!

We still wanted to have a family so we tried again and had help with injections and it took about 12 months to fall pregnant but we did ‘pregnancy number 4′ this time all was going well… then is miscarried again. By this time we were physically and mentally couldn’t do it again. After 4 pregnancies and no result I was beside myself, I didn’t know what to think, what to do whether I should even be alive. I couldn’t go to the shops because I’d see pregnant women and think its very unfair or see mother’s with babies and think I am supposed to have one of those… I was a mess!

Months passed and my husband and I talked about our family my husband, myself and our dog, that is our family. It’s just going to be the 3 of us. We gave up on having a baby… I fell pregnant that month… Pregnancy number 5!

I was so scared I was going to loose this one as well, but so far so good, we had our 12 week ultrasound and everything was good. We had an amniocentesis done at roughly 16 weeks due to our chromosomes and found out 2 weeks later it was a girl, a normal girl XX. We were over the moon, no complications as yet. At 21 weeks I started to bleed, I was rushed off by ambulance from one hospital to another hospital saying that I have lost this baby as they couldn’t find a heart beat. My heart sunk, not again, not at the same gestation, you cant do this to me again. Roughly 3 hours later at the different hospital they finally found a heartbeat. I was in and out of hospital from then on with scares of going into labour early but my beautiful daughter was born at 36 weeks + 2 days Gestation, she was alive, she was breathing, she is my little miracle!

Our daughter was about 14 months when we decided we wanted to have another baby, knowing that we will most probably have to go through the same experience that we have already done but we were prepared. This time if it didn’t work we still have our daughter to cling onto. Again I don’t ovulate so we went back to the specialist and had help again with tablets and it took us roughly 14 months to fall pregnant, but it worked… I was pregnant (pregnancy number 6), I didn’t want to tell anyone because my body likes to miscarry. We went to our 8 week ultrasound and we got the most awesome surprise, we were pregnant with twins!!! I was astatic, I couldn’t stop smiling but I had to calm myself down, I couldn’t get to excited it was early days and given my current history its not good. We couldn’t keep it a secret now that we knew it was twins so we told the a mediate family only. Had 12 week ultrasound everything was perfect, had the amniocentesis at roughly 16 weeks and found out a couple of weeks later we were having twin girls both XX Normal Girls. This time everything was going smoothly no bleeding it was good.

At 25 weeks I had an ultrasound and was told I had a short cervix… I was admitted to hospital as they were preparing me for a 26 week delivery of my twin girls (I thought why does everything bad happen to me). I had to take each day as it came and each week as it came. I was in hospital on bed rest until they were born. I had steroid injections many times just in case they came early.

On 20th February 2012 my beautiful twins girls came into the world at 36 weeks + 4 days Gestation and for once lucky me I had just under 2 hour labour for both.

3 beautiful girls are more than I can imagine when we were told we probably could never have children. I thank each day as it comes and enjoy them as much as I can. When they are older I’ll teach them that they did have an older sister and she lives in heaven and we loved her so much and we will keep loving her.

Thanks

Posted by kjgarner, 8th June 2013

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