Hello!

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Im a Mum of a 14 year old daughter who has been swept off her feet by a very BAD 15 year old. When I say bad I mean bad, he is definitely not someone any Mum would want their daughter to be dating.
I have banned her from seeing him, but she is still upset by the situation and is seeing a councillor to discuss the situation. She asked me to make the appointment to see the councillor.
A quick run down on this boy : Father been in jail twice, mother has had some of her kids fostered out, the boy was living with his father at the time my daughter was dating him, then the father was involved in a bashing and went back to jail, so the boy went to live with his Aunty , who already had 6 other children in the home. The boy has been to my daughters school and threatened and punched in the face other boys that my daughter is friends with. the school has a police order against him, so he`s not allowed within 300m of the school grounds. The boy hasn`t been to school in over a year, because he was expelled. This boy covered in home done tattoos and a rats tail hanging down the back of his neck, had my daughter believing every thing he said, to the point where he conned her into wagging a half day of school. I have had my daughter under very close watch for around 8 weeks now, since I found out she`d made a new facebook account and was still in contact with him. She doesn’t get a chance to spend any time with him, cause I don`t let her go anywhere without me. The school are on high alert if she misses a class or doesn’t show up and they contact me if needed. Im aware that she is in some classes with his best mate and threfor she still hears information about him.
How long do I keep up the constant watching and checking up on her? I want to be able to trust that she wont get involved with him again, but how? We still have a good relationship, she gives me cuddles and we cook together etc…. but I`m very aware that he is still on her mind…… I`m worried he will convince her to somehow see him again.


Posted anonymously, 15th May 2014


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  • i just love lookig and reading these great things

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  • I really hope this situation has improved for you. It’s a tough one.

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  • I hope she stays away, he don’t sound good at all


    • I believe we have progress, fingers crossed, it`s ended !

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  • love and hugs to you, I think it is very hard when “love” sets in on a teenager to get them to see that actual truth.

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  • I also have a 14yr old daughter and haven’t gone through that yet but I’ll be doing the same thing you are doing right now. Your doing an awesome job.


    • Thank you, I appreciate that, its bloody tough though. We just had more news today from her school that he threatened another friend of hers, because he had heard that this boy may have been flirting with my daughter. When I asked my daughter, she just shakes her head and says when will he stop this. She said we are just mates, who happen to have a locker next to each other and so yes we chat to each other. I believe she is understanding that he is not someone that is good for her, the more he carries on , the more she reliases he`s a bad boy.

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  • She is young and impressionable, she will be pushed into his arms if your not careful. Maybe talk to her friends, they will know things you dont

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  • I disagree with some other mums below and think you do have to keep a good eye on your daughter. Hopefully he will get sick of waitig and go away. Your duty is to your daughter, and sure the boy deserves a chance, but if he is showing violet tendancies by threatening people at school then he is bad news. You don’t want your daughter getting into strife with him.As I said, your duty is to protect your daughter, she will get over him and though it will be very difficult you need to take care of her. If her father is around, he might have to have a talk with this boy and let him know that he has his eye on him. Good luck. 14 is the worst age in my experience and it will pass, you need to keep your daughter safe til then.


    • Thank you for your comment. I believe Im doing the right thing by keeping them apart and we are having progress, she is realising that he is not a good person to be with. The more he does wrong, the more she dislikes him and feels bad for her friends that he keeps threatening. Im not letting up on her.

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  • I’m afraid I really don’t agree with the way you have handled this.
    I’m wouldn’t be surprised if your next post is “your daughter has run away” sorry to say that but children especially girls hate being told that they can’t see someone.
    Have you thought about letting your daughter see this boy for say 1 hour twice a week at your home and they have to be in the family room ??
    Also maybe the boy isn’t as bad as you think just because you don’t like the sound of his parents doesn’t mean he’s the same deep down but no one seems to be giving him a go so that’s why he acts the big hard boy. ??

    Good luck I just hope what your doing doesn’t back fire on you and you end up losing your daughter.
    Sorry if anyone thinks I’m being to hard this is just my feelings.

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  • I have been through this and the more you say you can not see him the more she will do it out of spite so make it that he could come around on certain days they can spend together at your house, But after reading what the boy’s parents are like I would first say that has caused his problems and acting out. I would hate to have his child hood. You may find by allowing him over under your rules you may see him change a bit as I feel he is craving stable love

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  • have you sat down and discussed with her (in the nicest way possible) about what she wants out of life and where a life with him would lead her. That he might be ‘cool’ to teenage kids but he’s an absolute loser to anyone over the age of 17 and she should be embarrassed to even be seen talking to him, to aim higher and have a larger sense of self worth! teenagers are so hard to get through to. Another good idea is to get a young adult maybe cousin or someone who she thinks is ‘cool’ to explain the situation to her. I always defied my parents as a teenager but if an older- more relatable kid told me i was an idiot i would of listened.


    • I just read a past post and not every one turns out bad My son in law was an alcoholic and a drug user and also use to do break and enters when he was young. After 2 weeks of them going out together she said to him that she would not ask him or make him change his ways but that his life was not the life she wanted. He went cold turkey from the next day no more grog or drugs and he is a loving caring Husband to my daughter and caring and loving to the rest of us….My Husband was thrilled when he came to Hubby if he could ask my daughter to marry him and as he had proven himself Hubby had no problems saying yes he could have his Daughter’s had in marriage They dated over 2 years before they married. Yes some are just stuck in their bad ways but others can change. Our son in law came from a family that all drink over the top drink to passing out every day and this is on both his Mother’s and Father’s side. He was raised in a pub and he now is the only one that does not drink or do drugs as at the start when he was going cold turkey they kept teasing him to get him to drink with them.
      Don’t always judge a book by their cover try reading the story first and once you have read the story than decide and you can not take it out on the kid for what his parents have done. Look deep in him and talk to him and see if you can see a better person who would really like a way out…. sorry for the rant buy we get judged by people until they find out we are not drinkers nor do we do drugs and are not running around the yard with a weapon and both Hubby and I have tattoos and hubby looks the rough type as he is acne scared all over his face and really long hair but a heart of gold. If this boy ends up being a bad egg your daughter will ditch him at some stage and than she will also see you are not the enemy…this is my opinion

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  • My advice may sound harsh but I say, let her learn the hard way, by you saying she can’t see him she will only want to do it more – and thats speaking from my own experience as a young person, hopefully she will see what he is like and change her mind relatively quickly otherwise she will probably still be seeing him behind your back anyway as a parent I would rather know what is going on, maybe he needs help with his issues and might be a different kid with a bit of consistency and support too – but whatever you decide, good luck not an easy situation to be in thats for sure :)


    • In this situation, I feel that letting her work this out for herslf and or waitng for them to break up ,may have serious consequences. He has a terrible temper. I`d also like to avoid a teenage pregnancy.

    Reply

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