the balance between being fed up and not being fed at all....

10 Comments

Let me set the scene for you first before I delve into my story. I am a full time worker with my own home cake business and four beautiful yet wild children. My partner has been a full time babysitter for me for the past 8 months while looking for a job. He quit his last job because of two reasons :A- he hated his boss and was having a stress attack every time he went to work and B- it made more financial sense for me to work as I earn more money.
So here goes.
The deal was that he was to become me while I was at work. As in cook, clean, entertain the kids, do drop offs and pickups. Basically be the mum of the family. But alas in the last few months his stamina has waned a touch and I have just about had enough.
I know this may sound like a bit of a rant but I just cannot understand what he does all day long. I work for a few hours at lunch then come home and hang washing out, do the dishes and if I can really be bothered I will prepare dinner while he sits on the computer and plays games. Then I head off to work again leaving a screaming baby who has just had the only person who pays attention to her walk out the door in total abandonment. Oh god I love that kid.
So last week he found a job and has begun leaving home at around 6:30am and returning at around 8:30. All week I have let him know what time I start the next day but I am afraid half of that crucial information has fallen on deaf ears.
So this morning I had one of my cakes to finish, planning to deliver it at 11am, which was 1 full hour before I had to start work. Giving me plenty of time to get to my destination without any stress.
11am came and went with no sign of said partner…. then came 11:15……waiting…..11:30….waiting. Eventually 11:45 rolls around as I frantically make a phone call to my darling mum asking for help and a rescue. She came through and while I had to ask my darling customers if they could pick up their cake from my work, I couldn’t help but have complete mixed emotions about the whereabouts of my male human. I drove past his work and there was no sign. There was no accident on the way home which to me would have been about the only acceptable response to “why are you so late”, and no phone call or any notification.
I got to work, worked a sweaty hot shift then travelled home only to find the male being yet again sitting on the computer. Needless to say I had a bit of fury in my voice when he proceeded to tell me a story of why he wasn’t at home when I needed him. No apology, nothing.
So yes Mr I am a cranky shit but please someone tell me this is not justified.
AAANNNDDDD now there is a whiteboard with my roster on it….. in front of him….. above his computer.
And on his desktop background.
Your Welcome.

Posted by candicebrown, 31st January 2016

10 Comments

- - candicebrown said
  - 18 Feb 2016
    11:55 pm
Thank you all so much for your comments, The communication lines are slowly getting there. My recent outburst of emotion ( by recent I mean 3 hours ago) probably didn’t help the situation but we are slowly getting there :).

- - BellaB said
  - 05 Feb 2016
    10:28 pm
I like your solution! My husband is actually rather wonderful – so long as I write things down for him!

- - Lori-Anne said
  - 04 Feb 2016
    4:51 pm
I can feel your pain… I hope that you both can seek a work life balance and if things don’t improve please seek some help to resolve the issues early.

- - mom56312 said
  - 04 Feb 2016
    2:30 pm
This sounds like the average male, my hubby is the same at times and he wonders why i treat him like one of the children sometimes. It might be a good thing that he has a job so he gets out and about a little, but he has responsibilities to you and you bubs.. Its a good thing that you have your hours written down, he should also add his to the board as well. Then there is no excuse not to be there when needed. Its ok to be angry when let down.. Hope it all works out for you..

- - rachelvk said
  - 03 Feb 2016
    9:17 am
I think you are handling the situation very well. It can be very frustrating and I certainly share a lot of your feelings as my husband has similar traits. I have a habit of getting outwardly frustrated and angry and that just seems to make things worse. Instead I have found keeping calm and trying to change the situation one small step at a time (baby steps) works for us.

- - mum888 said
  - 02 Feb 2016
    8:26 am
This is quite funny as I think I may have your hubs nature ( but I do communicate all the time ) and hub has your nature ( choleric person ?) . Anyway , I can tell how you write , that both your communcations styles are different which can be a problem if you both re not aware of this . Did your hub have a good reason why he didn’t phone up and plus a phone call ??? I would expect some decent answer , regardless of whether he turns up or not . I don’t know if your hib is classified as “passive ” but putting a roster in front of him instead of sitting down and talking may cause a reaction you may not like . My sister in law is currently experiencing this and has turned into verbal abuse which is uncalled for , but deep inside is because he hates being told what to do ( as he was disrespected by his family ) . it is also his responsibility of not knowing how to communicate and he turned ” passive aggressive ” . You may want to have a look at this personality in Google and see if it fits your husband . ( the passive side more probably is in him ). Hope it works out soon , and it sounds like more of a brush up in communication than anything else .

- - mum4107 said
  - 02 Feb 2016
    5:45 am
Well done mum a. You sure handled that well. Better than I would have.

- - mom90758 said
  - 01 Feb 2016
    3:18 pm
Argh! I would be so upset if I were you. I hope he will start looking at your roster now! The two of you surely need to talk about this all arrangement. You both have to do some sacrifices, not just you. And if he can’t help, maybe it would be better to pay for an extra help at home with the kids. Surely something needs to change.

- - mom94125 said
  - 01 Feb 2016
    2:04 pm
haha lol! i am an adult so i can swear but i don’t want to subject these sweet and innocent mums to that but you, my dear are a F**ken legend for the way you handled that stress! Good on ya for making it “hard” for him to miss your schedule!

- - mom165081 said
  - 31 Jan 2016
    11:55 pm
Life can be really tough at times – My only comment to this, apart from sympathy for you, is that being out of work is also pretty tough. Maybe he might be a bit depressed and feels like he needs some support too? Not saying what he did was right, or that your reaction is highly justifiable – just a comment.