Hi there, my 4.5 yo is still not fully toilet trained (2.5 years and counting!). Some days she does really well, and then other days she’ll have 4 or more accidents (5 yesterday). We’ve tried all sorts of methods: rewards, stickers, asking her constantly, letting her go on her own time, clean up her own mess, and plenty more. I even find myself getting angry at her out of frustration, even though I try sooo hard not to (and feel terrible for afterwards). At the moment we’ve even offered her a Lalaloopsy doll for 5 days of dry and she hasn’t made it through one day yet.

When asking her why she does it in her pants, she says that she doesn’t feel it when she needs to go. I ask her why she sometimes makes it and her reply is that sometimes she does feel it and sometimes she doesn’t. My question is… can this be something that is really happening? Or is it an excuse from her as to why she’s wet her pants? I’m not sure if I should take her to the doctors or if she’s just trying on a story. Any tips would be great! P.S. She’s really good at night. Usually one accident every 2 weeks or so and she’ll often get up in the middle of the night to go.

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  • I see this is an old question and I bet your daughter is toilet trained now :)
    Let us know how she went ! Lots of mums are in the same boat and can learn from you and your daughter :)

  • Hi there Mama. :)

    First, know this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Got that? Good. :)

    Right. Every child develops at different rates. Your daughter is an individual, and very special in her own right.

    Have you considered looking for a medial reason? Both a uti or bladder infection can cause difficulties in knowing when a child needs to urinate. Perhaps she struggles with the sensation and understanding what it mean. Or it’s possible that she just can’t feel it until it’s too late.

    Otherwise, is it possible that she may have fear issues? Could something be frightening her, perhaps the toilet is too big, or it’s lonely in the bathroom?

    Does she have an actual potty, or does she use the toilet itself?

    If she has a potty, maybe try bringing her in with you when you use the toilet? Take off her nappy and have her sit while you wee, and explain to her what’s happening and why we do it here.

    If all else checks out and is fine, it’s just a matter of patience. She’ll get it when she’s ready.

    Breathe easy, Mama. You’ve got this.

  • Keep persisting, over and over, kids need repetition to remember things. Eventually it becomes second nature

  • I would just take her to your GP to get a check just in case she isn’t feeling the sensation (to rule out any problems). Does she go to daycare.? As it’s good cause all the kids go together and see each other going.

  • Have you seen a GP or Urologist? It may be that your daughter doesn’t realise the signs of needing to go or can’t feel them. There are many kids who require aids to help them recognise the need to go to the toilet. All kids need to be toilet trained by the time they are 5 and start primary school and as your so close, I’d definately be seeking medical advice. My daughter suffers from Encopresis which is a condition where you can’t feel the urge to poo and poo leaks out from the bowel being stretched. There are many medical conditions which need to be excluded before your daughter starts school.

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