Hello!

Hubby and I have been married for 5 years and were very close and some would say head over heals. Since having our child a year after getting married, with work stress and raising a family I find myself feeling distant. During our marriage in laws did interfere causing some issues that I cant forget, have resentment towards but learnt to deal with. Fast forward to now I find myself feeling alone, confused and unsure. I love him dearly but find myself pulling away, finding it hard to be romantic, feeling uncomfortable that it becomes unnatural and prefer to be alone or just our little one and myself. I ask myself what life would be without him and I care too much to walk away, but why do I feel like this. Is it just a phase or are these signs of falling out of love slowly? I am confused and don’t have anyone to talk to openly about this.


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  • If we continued through our relationships constantly with that giddy loved up passionate feeling from the start of our relationship, we’d all be so exhausted we wouldn’t function. It’d be fun but not really that good for us. It’s completely normal to feel at times some distance during relationships, it’s also completely normal to find your way back together and relive some of that passion. Try and remember why you married your husband. Find some time to have some fun together, this could be anything that gets you laughing. Try something that you both use to enjoy when you were first going out – that should help to open up the communication. That’s the key. If this fails and you want to stay in this marriage, be open to counselling. It’s wonderful at helping to understand each others perspective.


  • I know exactly how you feel. Marriage is hard work and you have to constantly work on it and find things that you can do together and spend time. After making the decision to spend the rest of your lives together, you aren’t going to always have that same spark and excitement you did when you were dating. It’s routine and different now, but you need to work at it to keep it going. Have date nights, go for walks together, plan spontaneous surprises, etc. We got some adult cards called Servd and that can create a bit of fun in the relationship.
    My mother-in-law is also a difficult. She has done things with me that are hard to forget and cause resentment, even though I don’t want to. It’s the sort of thing where you don’t know when she’s going to be nice or a b**ch. It’s hard, but you need to play nice for the sake of your hubby and be forgiving regardless. It’s not like you have to constantly see them, but be nice when you have a family dinner.


  • I am going to peruse these replies as I have been having similar feelings for many years now


  • Perhaps you need to talk to your husband and tell him you need some one on one time with him. Is there someone you trust that could look after your child while you go out for a nice dinner and a chat?


  • Life can get you down and things change. You say you love your husband dearly so maybe it’s time for some professional help.


  • Don’t throw it all away. Take time out for just the two of you or at least time together. Make an effort. Life is messy.


  • I have been in that situation and yes seeking professional help can be beneficial, but relationships change as we as individuals change – so its working through this and deciding if you want to continue putting the work in. I wish you all the best for the future.


  • It sounds like a normal reaction to stress and life changes. Distance can grow in relationships, but love can be rekindled. Consider couples counseling to address built-up resentment and reconnect.


  • I think your feelings are not strange. The combination of work stress, raising a family having a child can take a lot of energy and there is simply not much energy left. You write you love your husband dearly which is a good sign. Whilst reaching out to a counselor is not a bad idea I would consider cutting down on work hours when it’s possible and make time for positive activities for yourself and together with your husband (which could be anything like going to the movies, dinner out or a forest walk, activties to bond and find your joy back together)


  • I do think you need some help and your GP will be able to recommend the correct people for you to talk with.
    I wonder if the stresses of raising your child has caused you to not want another child, and therefore you are not willing to be romantic or have any sexual relations with your husband in case you find yourself pregnant again. Or maybe the pain of childbirth has made you decide you don’t want any more children.
    Do seek help, as it could be any number of causes behind your current thoughts and only by getting help will you find out what is troubling you.


  • Have you considered talking to a counsellor? Things can change a lot after a baby is born, and talking to a professional can help you work through some of that.


  • Having a young child leaves you touched out and with not alot left for others sometimes but also having lost yourself a bit could contribute. Don’t be so hard on your self and the famous saying you can’t love anyone unless you love yourself may factor in here. So hopefully you can take care of yourself and see how you feel from there


  • I would suggest you speak with your GP to see if there are any underlying hormonal issues that might be contributing to how you are feeling. I felt sad and confused when I was going through menopause and it is amazing how much hormones can play with our emotions.


  • If you’re both up for it, you should consider couples therapy. Or individual therapy so you can work out what’s making you feel the way you do. It sounds like you have a lot of love for your relationship and want to make it work but need the right tools to navigate the situation you find yourself in.
    It would be a terrible shame for the wrongs your in laws did to effect your marriage. It’s understandable being unhappy about it, but don’t let it fester.


  • Have you considered talking to a professional both for yourself and for your marriage? Sounds like you might need to talk through your emotions of what happened with your in-laws as this could be playing a huge part of why you are feeling this way. It might be worth it. Having kids is hard and i know that relationships can take a strain when children are involved, it is important to take time for yourself and ensure you love yourself as that is when you can then love others better. Some doctors can offer a care plan and you can get 5 sessions to go and speak to someone that won’t cost a lot of money.


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