Hello!

My mother-in-law made several comments throughout my recent pregnancy, that she didn’t agree me and my partner decided to bottle feed to the point she continually texted him and made out the baby would die if we gave her formula.

She never once listened to anything I wanted.

Once bubs was born she told all his side of the family to wait until baby was 5 months to visit and no one allowed at the hospital, they all got mad at us yet we had no say in it, no one came directly to us.

Anyway it’s just been thing after thing, on top of her name calling and telling me how bad I look every time she sees me or on FaceTime.

We tried to discuss it with her and she just gaslighted the situation and made it about her, told all her family I gave her a heart attack from it which isn’t that case and there was no heart attack. I told her I’m taking a week or 2 break from her and she just kept going at me through my partner.

I have gone no contact with her and it’s been about 2 months now. She was always making me cry every time I’d see her, my mental health is so much better but I can’t stop feeling guilty. Am I in the wrong for putting myself first and going no contact?


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  • You’re absolutely not in the wrong. She sounds like a very toxic person and not great for your child to be around either. It’s sad that she’s acting this way, however, your partner needs to be supportive of you too and not take sides in this. It sounds like taking a break might be a good thing and give her time to think about how her actions might affect others. If you don’t do anything and keep putting up with the abuse, it will keep happening.


  • Oh god in laws can be terrible and I know from personal experience myself. You do what you need to for your own peace and well being. Your partner should also be backing you up but can feel like he is in the middle. Do what you need to keep away, people like that will never change and always make things about them. You and bub comes first p.s formula is great I did for my little one and get is healthy. Fed is best!


  • No, as hard as it is, you need to put your mental health first


  • You have every right to put yourself first. It’s hard not to feel guilty but protecting yourself is protecting your kids too. If she’s willing to change in the future you can revisit but no-one deserves to feel bad especially when you have just had a baby.


  • I think you made the right decision.


  • I agree that since it is his family, the partner should step in and step up and make clear that this way of treating his wife is not okay and if they want to remain contact with them they will have to change their attitude


  • Aw bless, that must have been very hard. I can totally understand you went for no contact.


  • Always do what is best for your mental health and wellbeing and put health and wellbeing first; it is a priority to to care for your health and wellbeing in every way. My babies were a combination of breast fed and then due to circumstances formula fed and they thrived and survived; fed is best. A partner always needs to step in and step up and resolve issues with family. It is not unreasonable to expect and get unconditional support.


  • Your husband needs to step in and tell your mother-in-law that her behaviour isn’t okay. You have to be his priority. You and your baby are his family now. It amazes me that he is allowing this.


  • Your husband needs to step up and sort the situation out. Sounds awful, I hope you get it resolved and can move past this.


  • I agree that your husband needs to step up and try to talk to your mother in law.
    I had to take a step back from my mother in law for my mental health at one point and my husband took my children to see her without me until I felt I could cope with it.


  • She might be horrible, but you can’t do that unless your partner agrees. If he does, all good.
    On a side note, she is right about formula whether you like it or not. Formula fed babies are 50% more likely to die of SUDI. There is no way personal feelings or ‘rights to chose’ can distort this.


  • At this point you have a husband problem. It’s his mum doing the damage, his extended family that she’s alienating. He needs to stand up to his mum and stop making you the bad guy.
    It’s hard to not feel guilty, but you’re doing it for your own sanity and mental health. I’ve had to cut family out for similar reasons. When seeing their number calling your phone makes you cry and panic, you need to back away.


  • Look, your husband needs to step up and put his mother in her place. What you have explained is horrid to how she is talking about you and honestly, your parenting decisions are YOURs (you and your husband) and she has no say. Do not feel guilty OP, you need to do what makes you comfortable as parents and definitely put you and your family first.


  • Your husband needs to step up and deal with his mother, setting the rest of the family straight at the same time. Maybe then you can invite her for a family lunch and gradually take it further.


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