I taught my kids from a very young age that just because someone says something doesnt mean its true. I remember feeling very impressed when my then 5 year old came home to tell me that a boy on the bus had told her she was ugly. She ten went on to say “I dont know why he said that because its not true but maybe he was just sad” ….. Explain her to her that sometimes people say nasty things because they have a problem. Its their ugliness coming out.

This is a tough one. I went through school with very little in the way of friends and many in the way of bullies. I think you should make sure you spend lots of time with her, so that she can see that she is valued, even though she may feel down at school. My mum didn’t have a lot of time for me and that didn’t help my self confidence at all. Also, being a girl, going shopping for a new ‘cool’ outfit and trying things on together couldn’t hurt either. Maybe encourage friendships she has established by hosting a play date or sleepover.
As for learning to take it on the chin, it’s always hard, but the best thing you can do is encourage her to not let on that the words hurt and to just brush it off. kids are generally looking for a reaction and if she acts hurt, she is giving it to them.

Thank you all for your replies. I will look in to your suggestions 🙂

Another thing that you could consider is signing your child up for Martial arts. Martial arts is believed to be beneficial for building resilience. Through the structured training, the achievement of goals, overcoming challenges and encouraging perseverence it does help developing mental strength, the kids also learn to make mistakes and are respected for it. It really boosts the self esteem !

We are struggling with this for our 8 year old son. He takes everything to heart and is so hard on himself.

We try to focus on problem solving and helpful strategies eg talking about the problem or drawing it, taking some deep breaths or having a water break when frustrated with a task.

I am so sorry to hear you daughter is going through this. My daughter is only 6 and is coming home in tears most days too. At my daughter’s school which is a public school they have a chaplain who is really great and kids go and see her and talk through issues they are experiencing and she can offer ways to help them. My friends son has been seeing her and she loves going to see her and he has been a lot better since so I have requested my daughter see her. Does your child’s school offer something similar?

I am having breakfast with a close friend who works in social work and had your questions saved to ask her. She is beyond amazing.
She referred me to the Resiliance Project for a resource. It is a school based program but has some great content about promoting positive mental health that builds resilience and reading through their website may give you some support. She also recommended googling Resiliance Journals for kids. Same sort of concept. She said that more and more parents are askign the same questions about this age and it is a great indicator of a invested and supportive parent (not that i ever doubted that, but i know mum guilt and never want to miss a chance to tell a mum she os doing awesome).

It also depends a bit on the age and development of your child. My youngest is for example 11 years old but has a severe intellectual disability. She has an extremely high emotional radar and gets quickly upset. She is a real social butterfly, greets every one giving hi-five’s, fist pumps and hugs. This week a boy told her he didn’t want to talk to her and my daughter started crying. I told the boy that it is perfectly fine for him to say so and that my daughter still needs to learn that not everyone wants to talk, give hi-five’s, fist pumps hugs or play her games. I explained this to my daughter too in simple language. I find that an immediate response and coaching is helpful and in my daughters case it needs frequent repetition.

Strange, I thought I posted a comment but I can’t see it appearing. For one of my foster children I purchased the Big Life Journal for kids. I thought it was a helpful and positive book which is kind of a growth mindset guided journal with interactive activities. I can’t remember where I bought it but I see you can order it on eBay. Once you sign up you also can get down loads for print outs.

For one of my foster kids I purchased the Big Life Journal for kids . I think it was a helpful and positive book . It’s kind of a growth mindset guided journal for children which is interactive.
I can’t remember where I bought it but I see you can order it on ebay

https://www.ebay.com.au/itm/197162493565?chn=ps&_ul=AU&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=705-139619-5960-0&mkcid=2&mkscid=101&itemid=197162493565&targetid=2267430954643&device=c&mktype=pla&googleloc=9069218&poi=&campaignid=20918872783&mkgroupid=156785046665&rlsatarget=pla-2267430954643&abcId=9364945&merchantid=115520929&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20918872783&gbraid=0AAAAAD97CxS7bH7_DVMLQc4WAw5uADu-f&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgIXCBhDBARIsAELC9ZiJcA27wycMZoym7VB95S1s-rg3p3sPD6fNSQW4wE-I1rfIb4NqgaUaAqL0EALw_wcB

Encouraging problem solving, teaching them that trying again when they don’t first succeed, and showing them examples of you overcoming big emotions and problems can really help. If she has achieved something that was hard and challenging, which I’m sure she has, remind her of the amazing things she has done. Find a moment at the end of the day to share what made everyone proud or happy that day.

When my daughter was growing up there were times she had more aggressive and domineering classmates and friends around her. I kept talking to her and letting her know she had every right to defend herself and also to stand up for herself and say no when she didn’t want to do something. She was reluctant but I kept encouraging her and once she took the step of saying no or expressing her own opinions and realized others listened and didn’t hassle her further, she then found it much easier to stand her ground. I think having the kind of relationship where you can both talk openly and freely about what is going on is the most important step, followed by encouragement for her to be her own person and feel good about herself, and let her know you will always be there to support her.