It’s sad to see that in the 20 years, highschool friendships haven’t changed much. My son’s friendships are strong n his friends are so caring, supportive and all around the kind of young man any parent would be proud of, but, my daughter’s friendships are just all over the place. My daughter is rather popular, and had a wonderful group of friends. But now in year 7, her friendships have become so bitchy, and the grudges held just kill old friendships . Why can boys have a fight but the next day it’s fine, and why is it with girls, a disagreement means they can’t talk for months and nether can their friends. My daughter is very popular and I feel this has gone right to her head. How can I bring her back to earth.

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  • How is your girl going now ?

  • Girls and boy are a different cup of tea. She will learn by experience.
    My daughter is in year 10 now and from what I see not all girls are bitchy. We have regularly chats about friendships and how they can confuse you.

  • Hoping you read this answer; I listened to an interview today with a Dr who has written a book called Miss Communication and it deals specifically with teenage girls and the often complex relationships they have. He spoke exactly of what you have written here, the difference in boy v’s girl friendships and the difficult nature of young female friends.

  • She will probably figure it out later in life.

  • Try to get her involved in a better friendship circle. For example different groups, volunteering or a job when she is old enough

  • Is your daughter involved in any out of school hours groups of any type especially those with girls that others who don’t go to the same school? Is it possible that the others are interested in boys and she’s not or vice versa. That often causes bitchiness. I was bullied because I wasn’t “chasing” boys and others were. It may be very hard to get her to tell you what is bothering her. Definitely hormones can be part of it. I know one girl who lashes up physically at that time.

  • Yes this has happened also to my youngest daughter it got to the stage where she had No friends at all

  • I’m a high school teacher and see it all the time! You occassionally get some boys do the same thing but generally they do manage to get over it quicker, the girls tend to be more emotional esspecially at that age (i.e. puberty looming!) I’m not an expert or anything but I would just spend time listening to her, ask about her friends, be interested in her problems and issues, if she’s sad, share her grief, if she’s happy share her joy. Once you establish a strong sense on connection in this way, you can slowly start giving her good advice i.e. if she’s complaining about a friend, encourage her to see the good in them or guide her to find a positive solution by asking questions that steer it that way. I would highly recommend you read books such as ‘calmer, easier happier parenting’

  • Volunteer with her with less fortunate kids. It will give the two of you time together to talk.but most importantly will get her to see why other kids aren’t as popular as her (poor self esteems, lack of access to resources, no stable home) and hopefully get her to have empathy and insight.

  • That’s a hard one given her age and perhaps current understanding of things. I’d start with a chat about equality – we are all equal and no one is better than anyone else no matter who they are, what they look like, what they do etc.
    Maybe even do some volunteer work together with less fortunate to show her com passion ?

  • Girls are so moody and biatchy whereas boys just get on with it. Have a chat to her about being popular and left her know you expect her to treat people the same way she wants to be treated. Don’t ever let her think she is better than others. Popularity won’t take her through life. Good luck!

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