It would help to know your daughter’s age, but I do agree that the lying feels like a betrayal. Talk to your daughter and I hope you can rebuild trust.

To some extent you need to get over this. She clearly knew you’d be judgemental, so she lied about it. You don’t say how old your daughter is. It may not really be your business (if she’s old enough). Otherwise, it sounds like you need to build trust more broadly.

3 weeks is too early. However just be there for when she wants to talk. I can hurt that you think she betrayed you but it is unconditional love. Let her know how you feel without judging.

Yes, three weeks is way too early. What I’m not understanding is……you say she lied but you know it’s happening. Did she end up telling you or did you find out some other way?

I believe it is too early also but at least she is being open, up front and honest with you.

Honestly you should consider yourself lucky that your daughter feels comfortable enough to discuss this with you. How old is your daughter? Although it may feel like you need to be involved in every aspect of your childs life, sometimes you need to let them go to make their own decisions or mistakes. Was is her idea, or was she pressured into it but is too ashamed to admit it? instead of feeling cut up about your daughter “lying” you should be aiming to support her, understand her position, and why she did it. You should also be letter her know that if this does result in a pregnancy that you will support what ever her decisions are – if you belittle your daughter and are angry with her, this would make her less likely to come to you in the future if something did happen. You cant change what has happened now – so you need to make sure that you daughter is responsible for what happens in the future – be it organising birth control, or whatever else your daughter feels that she needs.
A parent can never automatically assume that they deserve to be trusted and should be told everything that is happening in their teens life. A parent needs to earn respect from their child. In the same way that your child also needs to communicate with you and act in a way that you can respect them enough to make their own decisions.

Such a tough one. Let us know if anything suggested has helped as I’m sure there will be a few other MoMs who will come across this issue in their own families.

Such a hard topic – try to keep the lines of communication open and positive – she may need a lot of support from you from time to time and positive communication will help. I know I kept such things from my mum and I think its because we never talked about such issues. I suppose, if she is still in the relationship, then thats a positive? A lot depends on her age and your views about the person she is in a relationship with and her previous sex experiences (if any).

It’s important that you not freak out and stay calm. Let your daughter know your concerns and that you’d like to be sure that she’s at least taking precautions.

There seems to be a lot of moms with comments and I hope this helps you but I’m sorry you have not supplied enough detail for me..how old is she ?

Sorry you feel like it’s betrayal of trust. I don’t think many of us would have openly told our parents about our first (or subsequent) sexual experiences – I sure didn’t! I like to think I have an open and honest relationship with both my 15 year old daughter and 16 year old son, but that doesn’t mean I am certain they will talk to me when the time comes. I intend to just be there for them as best I can.

Betraying your trust? I’m sorry but perhaps you’ve just betrayed any chance of an open trusting relationship between you and your daughter? Why did she feel the need to lie to begin with??? Its a fine line and a risky one between offering advice / guidance through personal experience to our children and implementing rules and regulations.
Our daughters grow & mature faster than any parent would like or imagine. Whether 3 weeks is to early or not in your opinion, your daughter obviously viewed things differently. Perhaps its time to change the dynamics of your & your daughters relationship, keep the lines of communication open, so when / if problems occur she can’t handle, she can be confident that her mum is open minded and understanding enough to guide her through.
I wish you all the best in getting past you feelings of betrayal and that your daughter & your relationship is repaired in the near future, life’s way to short to hold grudges or stay angry at loved ones.

I was exactly the same. My daughter told me nothing was happening, but I found photos on her camera 🙁 You never forget but you have to realise she’s entitled to a private life. It’s a fine fine balancing act

It’s such a tricky subject. Thankfully my kids are still toddlers and babies but I can only imagine what your feeling and I too would feel the same way but unfortunately we live in a time and era that children and young adults have developed an uncanny sense of individuality that results in them making decisions for themselves without needing or wanting advise. This can be a positive and at times especially in parents opinions negative too. I hope you can forgive your daughter and allow for an open forum whereby you can guide her about what having sex really means and how to be safe. Good luck x

what can I say! I am a nanna and only man I did have sex with was man I married (a mistake nothing in common) I am not saying this to be kind or mean. But my Mum ruled, found out much later her and my dad not married but best parents otherwise for me. But that she had left 3 children and a wifebeater to be with my dad. Only learned after I was married and had one child and went back to England for holiday. Who tells who is I think what I am trying to say.She is still your daughter and if you have a friendship with her she will probably tell you, Why,passion,pressure,curiosiy long list of why we do it but not enough to loose a daughter. Hope this helps a lot of my life was a mydtery and I am still sorting it out. Meet my half brothers and families but not my sister she had cancer and passed away. My mum got in touch after me getting told off for finding them but never met them unfortunatly

To play devil’s advocate…

Short answer… You don’t. It’s not your body, it’s not your business. If she’s over the age of consent, you have nothing to do with it. If she isn’t over the age of consent, I’d be more concerned with why it happened, if the man is over the age, and if she is all right mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Honestly, though. I understand it is hard to find out that what you thought was true is not… But really, you sound more put out by the fact that she lied, than by the actual act, which leads me to believe that she is probably old enough to make her own decisions in that regard.

Did she, in fact lie? Or did she just not tell you?

3 weeks is definitely early, but by reprimanding her, and not explaining the facts of life to her in a calm, civilised manner… You run the risk of alienating her, possibly for life.

I can tell that you love her, and don’t want that.

Try not to think of it in terms of “She did this to me”, and think more like “She needs me, so my feelings come second in this matter.”

How you feel IS important…. But her having sex is about her, not you.

Sorry if this upsets or offends, it isn’t my intention.

All the best.

I guess it’s a personal topic. It would be hard for a child to tell their parent they may feel embarassed or ashamed especially if it’s not a spoken topic between you?

It is early but there’s no going back. Try talking to your daughter calmly and helping her through this with advice about contraception etc. She needs to know that you will be there to support her especially if things don’t go as she expects. it’s better to be on her side so she knows she can come to you at anytime rather then her making decisions she may regret later.

Firstly how old is your daughter?? Apparently there is a mininum age for a girl. I know one who checked the legal age. The best way is to calmly tell her you are disappointed and encourage her to use contraception. Condoms are not 100% safe. Many a girl has got pregnant after one splitting.

Yes it is very early to commit to such a relationship… But try to be understanding as if a accident ever happens she might not turn to you till its to late and can be provented…( i just know this now due to my sister recently telling me of her experience of 20 years ago where she got a backyard abortion AT THE AGE OF 16 unknown to my family and stuffed up any chance she has of a family now, she can not conceive and blames that, who knows no one will ever truely ever know). Try talking to her about long term contraception and be supportive..(hard as it might be) You are so right to be angry with her, I would be if it was my daughter….. But dont react the same way my mum did with her threats that forced my sister to make a decison That she now regrets without the love that only a family can provide..( my mum will never know what she forced her daughter to do)… Sorry if this this is To much info….But my sister lives with this every day of her life if only mum was more understanding things might of ended differently…