I can see their point, it’s tough when you don’t get much time with your kids. But I see your point too. It’s only one day of the year, maybe you could put yourself out for one day. Your dad might enjoy getting out for the day too

Seriously, be polite but ignorance is bliss. Just say what they wanna hear. I’ve got a seriously selfish and horrible in law. I like to ignore her and get on with life. They can throw stones but I’m made of rubber so they just bounce off. Do what you can to score their inheritance and spend it on something they’d hate! Paybacks a bitch!!

When families expand, things often do get messy. Each person sees things from their own point of view. If a request seems reasonable, then go with it. If a request is unreasonable, stand your ground.

It sounds like they a bossy inlaws as soon as you said they “Told ” you …. I don’t really like that and really your hub should stand his ground or do the talking . Leave it to him .

I would be standing my ground. Let them know that Christmas night you would like to have some quiet family time with your husband and children after what sounds like is going to be a big day for all of you. I would be so angry if my in laws tried to dictate to me what I can and can’t do on a day that is meant to be joyful.

It’s understandable for them to be a bit jealous but they need to understand it’s a 2 way street. They have each other, your Dad has you.
There’s no reason your husband can’t spend time with his parents on his own, or with your children to give you a break or some time for you & your Dad on your own.
You are entitled to spend your Christmas how you wish & what is going to make you happy. Don’t feel bullied or pushed into something, it will ruin your Christmas.
You’ve met them halfway with lunch, have a lovely dinner with your Dad.
Wishing you all the best & a merry christmas.

It’s your husbands family so he should respond for the two of you

In laws can be so difficult – especially because the way they did/do things isn’t the same as how it was for us and they can be of the opinion things should be done their way, their traditions etc. Hope this doesn’t often anyone but it is said if you have a son, you lose them when they get married and the wife’s family takes precedence. My dad is also a widow and after losing one parent, it really made me value dad and spend more time with him -unfortunately there’s only so much time in a day/week so this is at the expense of time spent with the inlaws. My inlaws are 20 yrs younger than my dad so figure they’ll be around longer

i hope that all went well for you

It is generous and kind of your inlaws to include your father for Christmas lunch, but I do understand your desire to have a quieter time in the evening. Perhaps you should be making more of an effort to include them during the year. Possibly by inviting them to dinner on a regular basis and try to make them feel special by letting them know that you appreciate their thoughtfulness.

Ease up on the in-laws as you will be one some day if you are lucky. Sounds like they feel neglected as you do spend a lot of time and effort with your dad, which is a good thing. Look at it through their eyes. Your husband is being torn apart from both ends. Merry Christmas. Hope 2015 is easier.

After asking my husband to talk to his parents I sat down & wrote them a letter explaining how grateful I am for all they’ve done for me & my family and continue to do & I realise that they run their home differently from the way we run our home, just as my parents run their home differently but, I need to go home to rest (as I have a number of medical conditions) & that by that time our son will also need to come with me as that will be less stressful for him & that I don’t mean to upset them by doing this or saying how I feel.. I gave it to them without any comment from them (apart from a raised eyebrow). I did as I said I would & went home after I had had lunch (& cleaned up) & went back later to pick up my husband & daughter. Thank you for all your advice & support.

how did you sort this one out? hope it went well

Tell them the truth your going home kids will be tired and so will your dad.

If your children are really young they will get tired and grumpy you will probably get criticised for that too. Use that as an excuse to take them home for a nap or quiet time. Sounds like your in-laws are jealous. Maybe let him take the children to the in-laws if he is only going for awhile. If they are only little he has to consider their needs before that of his parents. It will give you some “me” time to do what you wish to do. Or things at home without the kids under your feet. My brother used to take my nieces to see Grandma while the Mum caught up with washing she hadn’t done during the week (or that was the excuse). We often minded then at weekends anyway. The kids used to smuggle soft toys down to Grandma to be washed. One of them refused to take one outfit home for her Mum to wash. It was her “holiday dress and you will wash it nice and clean for me” was her exact comment. I was there at the time. Grandma and I looked at each other and said nothing in front of the girl who was about 4y.o. at the time.

tell your husband you are going home but if he wishes to stay he can, then he will have to deal with it and tell them

Tell them the truth exactly as you have said in here and have your husband tell them. If they’re not happy with it tell them that you are happy for them to come visit or make a monthly/weekly/fortnightly family dinner plans with them. It works well for my sister and her in laws. Good luck and merry christmas

Oh the season of goodwill! You and your husband are obviously very generous loving people, evident in the fact you have taken such an active caring position to ensure your father’s ongoing health. For one afternoon/evening do something that makes you and hubby happy. Be strong and explain again that it is important to you to have a quiet afternoon. Merry Christmas and all the blessing of the season to you.

Each partner needs to deal with their own parents; as often the discussion is better received coming from their child. It can be difficult; but just has to be done. Good Luck!

Let your husband deal with this. Your husband is your life partner, separated from parents once he married. Your husband is the head of the home and family. This is Biblical. So he gets to tell his parents that what they want is not happening because he wants quiet time with his fife and children. If they protest, he needs to be firm and perhaps negotiate some time with his parents at a time suitable. If this has not been a issue in the past, there may be something happening that they really do need some alone time with him, they may need to have a heart to heart with him about a serious matter. Otherwise and your children are the most important people in his life. It seems he is a wonderful and caring man as he accepts the situation with your dad who has needs you both to care for and about.
On the other hand, it seems his parents a being possessive, manipulative, controlling and inconsiderate. Do these grandparents see their grandchildren often? perhaps they can visit grandparents more? Whatever the outcome has to be what is best for you and your family and hopefully acceptable to them.
I have has some dandy issues with a mother in law and it took me too long to speak out because my husband did not stand beside me as he aught to have. She was such a dominating person and I never wanted to make waves, I did not want to be the cause of unpleasantness . So I seethed in silence until it all came to be just too much and I was not nice or polite I let her have it and my husband said afterwards, he was wondering how long it would take me to do that. I am not one to be manipulated but I felt I had to shut up and keep peace with her out of respect for my husband. I never again had a problem with her interfering. Being polite and fair will win through with peace for all. Merry Christmas!