This is a really big deal. It really is a matter for you to decide whether or not you can still live with your husband after he has done this. It is bordering on financial abuse if he is also guilting you into not buying things for yourself or allowing you to have a say in your finances. I think you need to have a sit down with him and explain your feelings and if he is still not getting it, see where counselling may take you.
I for one, would be really annoyed and I am not sure that my marriage could recover after something like that.

I think you are perfectly justified in your feelings. I think it would be worth talking to your husband to explain how hurt and angry you are about his actions in order for you to process and work through what has happened.

This is hugely problematic and I think you already know that. Have you safeguarded your money now? Ensured he can’t access the bulk of your money without your agreement? I would also say it might be worth looking for legal advice into whether you can recover that money from the man he lent it to.

I think your feelings are completely understandable, especially when he has asked you to make sacrifices for a decision you weren’t a part of. Did he give you a reason for why he did this? If my husband put a friend before the wellbeing of his family I would find it hard to move on without therapy and open communication

Awww! I’m so sorry! That really sucks! I know how it feels to see takers going out and living it up!
I definitely think you and your husband should have a sit down chat about all of this. He needs to know how you feel! Communication is the biggest key to a happy relationship and I would be furious about the lying! You guys can definitely move on from this but it all needs to be aired and discussed so that you can move forward from this together!
I wishing you all the best! Don’t let them ruin your happiness and don’t give up on asking for the money back either!

I find this a strange story to be honest; when you have enough money to pay your house off, why would you continue to pay interest for the mortgage ?
But when this story is true it’s more important to address your feelings of anger, mistrust and resentment towards your husband; it may be good to seek support from a psychologist or counselor after which you may wish to go in some therapy as a couple

I would feel the same way. Trust has been broken and I would never be able to trust him again. Giving someone a loan of a substantial amount is something that needs to be discussed and decided on as a couple. Its wrong for one person to make this decission.

It would be so hard to let this go and it is inexcusable. I am sure your husband feels like an absolute idiot too and I bet he dwells on this every minute of the day. The bottom line is probably that he has been had and it is in the past. I am assuming he has tried legal avenues to get the money back.

Oh goodness i feel this one in my bones. How can you not feel resentment towards the whole situation! How is your husband going about all this? Has he accepted he isnt getting the money back, or has he been trying? Do they still stay in contact and have some kind of plan in place for payments? Im so sorry, id hate to be in your situation. You are definitely not wrong in your feelings and i would feel so angry if I were in your shoes!! Times are hard as they are, and this definitely should have been discussed together.