Everyone I need help. My baby is now eight-months-old however we have had issues with my husbands family non-stop.

Since he was born his family have ruined events like his baptism taking him away from us, and have taken him out of his pram asleep and just treat him like a football and something they have access to whenever they want. I always thought they would be close to my son but they don’t get boundaries.

My husband doesn’t speak to his sister since she ruined our wedding and wouldn’t apologise for it. My husband’s mum knows this and we asked for no photos or any details to be sent to her however we found out his mum is sending her messages and photos behind our back.

She invited her to his baptism and then let her hold him without a mask. His parents think they can ignore us but then when they want to come over they just come over and don’t even ask. We have asked them not to kiss him and they still do so. We didn’t talk to them for a few months because of this however we had a long conversation and said things have to change, we got rid of her on Facebook because we said she won’t see photos of him but she is welcome to come see him with us here, now other people my husband’s Aunty is sending his mum photos of him when they know they shouldn’t be. My husband’s mum replied with, ‘It’s okay what my husband doesn’t know doesn’t hurt and I’m not planning on telling him,’ which proves they still don’t respect what we want.

I don’t know where to go from here. I just want them to respect us as parents and what we ask but they just don’t.

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  • Very politely tell the troublesome membes of your family, “You are more than welcome to be part of our lives, but THIS is what it will look like….” and then spell out some very clear boundaries in point form. Even write them down in point form to give to them. Then spell out the rest of it – :As our child grows up, we want baby to be surrounded by family members who love and respect us. If you don’t want to take that journey with us, that’s up to you, but if you journey with us it will be with respect for what we have put in place for our baby. If this is too difficult for you then we are also willing to NOT have you to be part of our lives for as long as the disrespect lasts.” Then stick to it. If other family members pass photos and details on without your permission, then also caution them and then exclude them if they cannot treat you with respect. Behaviour is a language and how people treat you is how they feel about you

  • Sometimes theres nothing wrong with cutting toxic family members out of your life. Life is to short. If they can’t follow your rules it’s goodbye x it’s hard but it’s hot to be done for your mental state.

  • That sounds just so hard – family is supposed to help and make life with a baby easier.

    I would stop inviting them to family events and stop going to ones you’re invited to, or go and get a sitter for the bub so you don’t take him with you.

  • That is a tough spot to be in. What can one do but not talk to them or keep reminding them your the parent and this is how you want to raise your child.

  • If they can’t respect your boundaries now, it’s only going to get worse as time goes on. Can you use a baby carrier so they can’t just pick him up and kiss him whenever they want? If he’s attached to one of you at all times they might get the message. If they arrive unannounced grab your keys and say you were just heading out, so sorry, if only you’d called first. They might get the hint. If they don’t it might be less stressful to stop seeing them. You need to put your family first.

  • I don’t really have any advice, but I hope you get it sorted out. The only thing I can think is to ban photos all together and just take the on yours and hubby’s phone and not share them. Its pretty extreme, but maybe they would get the point.

  • Honestly I would cut all ties with them , you have boundaries for a reason and if they can’t respect that then cut ties with them even if it’s just for a few months! If there not
    Gonna respect you or your husband as the parents then I just wouldn’t talk to them
    Or see them anymore

  • Honestly as hard as it might be, if they can’t respect your rules and boundaries then it might be time to cut ties, at least for a while.. Just because someone is “family” doesn’t give them the right to disrespect you or your rules. As a parent, your responsibility is to your child and their protection and anyone who doesn’t understand or respect needs to be cut away.

  • You may have to cut contact for a time in order to get them to take you seriously.

  • Gosh families are tricky. You might seriously consider moving interstate if possible. Weigh up your options on that. Alternatively work out your deal breakers – things that you will not compromise on and stick to it. If your family is going to continue being this disrespectful, you may need to assert yourself further. Make sure that your partner is on board and keep a united front. Best of luck.

  • Forgot to mention I have my husband support 100% and he feels the exact same. We cut them out over Christmas and they said they would fix things and it’s happening again. I don’t see why I can’t post photos of my son when I have heavy privacy settings, and they just not send photos to people that they have been told not to. It’s not about them having the picture it’s that they think they don’t have to go with out wishes

  • I’m sorry but this is just the beginning. My advice would be to set clear boundaries… but you have. Things will not change. Many of these incidents are similar to my own. We’re now estranged from my husband’s family for safety reasons and their inability to protect our son and do as we ask – none of it unreasonable. And I also have an abuse and violent sister on my side who we are now also estranged from for not adhering to boundaries. It’s been quite shocking and traumatising. I am in therapy and have set boundaries that have made ours a very happy small family, even though we’ve been met with very strong and nasty objections from others.

  • Sounds like a very difficult situation. I am not sure of the remedy, but whatever you decide, there may be consequences. Best I could say is explain to MIL the boundaries that you want set, and they are not negotiable. When and if they visit when suits them, but not you, say something like, don’t mean to be rude, but I have an appointment shortly and was getting ready to leave, best ring before visiting. Wishing you well with your bub, love and enjoy the moments.

  • Sounds like a really toxic situation. If this is ruining your peace then it’s time to be selfish and do what will make you happy.

  • Its hard when it comes to family and how to talk to them not to cause fights…I wish to know what to do as well..

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