132 Answers

Advice on how to approach my husband & his daughters relationship? – Is this normal? I am currently in a relationship with a man I love dearly. We have been together for over two years. He has two children from a previous marriage, as do I, and his eldest (12 years) decided she was going to live with us as she wanted to spend more time with her father. I love his daughter like she is my own but as of late I have been picking up on a few things that just seem odd for a 12 year old to do. She is constantly asking her father to sleep in her bed. She is constantly smothering her dad with kisses and always right there when we are trying to talk. When she goes to bed she always has to come out up to 5 times with excuses as she can hear us having our time and laughing. She is always telling him she loves him and asking him if he is OK. I can tell he is uncomfortable and doesn’t know how to handle this. He thinks it’s ok to sleep in same bed though, but being 12 she is developing and to me it seems creepy? I have tried to discuss it with him and all that happens is he gets cranky at me for speaking badly about his daughter. Which I am not I am just concerned and this is having a major impact on our relationship. I am just trying to make him aware that this is quite odd behaviour. Every now and then I understand but constantly every hour of every day seems weird to me? I need help and advice on how to discuss this with him? Or am I just being silly? Am I the jealous one overreacting? I am at a loss and don’t even want to be here anymore. I feel like a third wheel in my own home now and my partner thinks it’s of my own fault. I am ready to walk out the door but I love him dearly and want it to work. Please help in asking advice from any of your likers. I don’t know where to go from here.

*Helpful and respectful comments only please
Posted by anon, 28/10/13

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  • I think you are right to be concerned. If your partner doesn’t see a problem with some of this behaviour then that is a problem too. I would want to sort it out before moving on with him. I hope you were able to find a solution.

  • This girl seems to have issues and if it’s making you, and her dad, uncomfortable then something needs to be done. She is definitely too old to be sharing a bed with her dad

  • I notice this was posted in 2013, so I hope everything worked out well for you and your family.

  • Sharing a bed at that age seems strange,l hope it all worked out for you.

  • I would agree a dad sharing his 12yo daughters bed is creepy, even though I knew of a nan who shared his mums bed til he was 14 :/ :0 I hope you have sorted this problem. I would say she us feeling insecure and needs a lot of reassuring that her dad will always be there for her, but she needs to stop her odd behaviour

  • Yes! Maybe it is a jealousy thing!

  • Sorry but this is NOT normal for that to be happening and hope you and your partner can work this out and find a solution to this behavior.

  • he needs to see this for what it is, it isn’t normal and he needs to take a good look at this relationship

  • She is obviously jealous. he does need to talk to her and get her to understand the relationship status of all. that there are different types of love etc.

  • If her father has not been a major part of her life for a while, but is now, then she may just be trying to make up for lost time. However, this would only be normal during the early stages of her living with you. Once she’s been there a while, a more appropriate relationship routine should be established. Continue to try and speak with your partner as communication is the key to any successful relationship.

  • I think it is a bit of a jealousy thing. She may be thinking that if her dad loves you then she will be slowly taken out of his life so is trying to hang on to him as much as she can. I think don’t give it to much thought and don’t let it bother you. She will learn to accept you in time and realise you are not stealing her father away.

  • maybe she just misses him heaps and dnt want him to leave

  • Maybe it is a jealousy thing, but the whole situation sounds alarm bells for me, it just is not right.

  • Have you managed to approach him on the subject yet?

  • Has he came to any realisations yet?

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