14 Answers

HELP Needing some advice please
Sorry long post

I have a teenage son in year 10 we are having trouble with he is in a mood where he hated school won’t do assignments, over work – works at Macca’s doing really well only been there just over a yr and already promoted to crew trainer, runs kitchen etc. Lots of anger, negative. Went to a party on weekend alcohol involved ended up coming into town and staying at girlfriend’s and I didn’t find out till morning. Them at home in arvo got angry when we asked questions about party why he didn’t tell us he went ito girlfriend’s then decide on to run away. Got into trouble at school eating in class, results in detention tomorrow cause attitude. What can in so to help him beside doing what loveing mothers do I’m at a loss

Posted anonymously, 17th August 2020

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  • It’s such a tough age ! The best thing you can do is keep on loving on him and take time to listen, you don’t want to drive him away.

  • If it were me I’d sit down with him and ask him what is going on, what is causing his anger? I’d be patient and persistent until I got some idea of what is troubling him. If that didn’t work I’d encourage him to speak with a male in his life, whether it’s his father, uncle, school teacher or counsellor to try and find out what has caused his mood change. Sorry I can’t be of more help. I hope you’re able to help him.

  • This is such a tough time. Remind him that you are there for him – regardless. In the end you can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to. Get some advise/counselling for you to help deal with the relationship that you have with him – that’s the only thing you really have control over at the moment. Best of luck

  • It’s a hard time to get through, but you have to make sure you don’t alienate him with trying to make him do things that he is dead against at the moment. A councillor may help but in my experience I found it pushed my boy further away. Just had to listen to him and point out things he hadn’t noticed before he took off on a plan of action. Great relationship now, but those couple of years were hard going.

  • Not sure how to deal like this problem.So tough in this age.

  • I think he needs to see a councillor as we don’t know what is going on in his head and they have more chance of getting some answers from him than you do. Sometimes they have them at schools so make some enquirers and if not one they would know where one is.

  • If his in year 10 I’d let him go, his old enough to make his own decisions and if you try to control him at that age your not gunna get very far. His gunna do what he wants to do and you can’t shove a gear stick up his butt to control it. He will end up getting worse and hating you unless you let him make his own decisions and mistakes.

  • We had a lot of issues with our eldest son at that age. Doctors thought it was more to do with hormones. We were at our wits end when he took off with a mate of his and they were picked up by the police walking to another town 4 hours away. A month later he went to another town for work experience and decided he wasn’t coming back. We had to just let him know we were here if he ever needed us. We now have a very loving relationship thank goodness. Life is hard for kids these days so I hope things work out for you.

  • It is so hard for our youth of today but it seems to be a “teenage” stage as my child is now 15yrs old and behaving similar with regards to anger issues including school issues. I have found pushing her to talk or asking her questions only makes her shut down more and get even more angry so now I always tell her that I love her and I’m here anytime she wants to talk or express herself. I don’t raise my voice at her anymore and have learned patience is the key. Over time she has come around and talks to me now. I sit and listen and let her explain things to me and then give her my thoughts and feelings. There has to be an underlining issue for your sons anger and you may need to do some subtle detective work to find out. He may be overwhelmed with school and work plus he may be going through things with his friends or girlfriend you aren’t aware of. He may be suffering from anxiety and don’t forget hormones, he is developing into a young man now and his hormones are raging. I would visit your childs school and asked if there are any changes in his work, attitude or friend dynamic that they have noticed and if the school has a counselor available maybe make an appointment and discuss with them any solutions they could think of or techniques you could use at home to help your son. I wish you luck and hope I’ve been a little helpful.

  • Its a tough age. Sometimes its just a day by day thing. Take care and I hope it eases off soon

  • I’ve 2 teenagers, one in yr 9 and one in yr 10. Sometimes they can become so angry and unreasonable. I think it’s most important to listen to them whatever they want to share with you, even when you don’t have time, make it a priority sit down, take time and try to relate to them. Don’t respond in anger, by telling them off or hammering on rules they’ll only shut down. However when you listen and try to understand what’s going on for them you may at times be able to problem solve together. The more you listen to them, the more they listen to you

  • Can’t help you but sending you lots of love.

  • That age group is so hard when my son was in YR 10 he was angry too. I was shocked one day when his teacher told me that he had so much aggression. He was moody, irritable etc. He was becoming a man but was still a boy, the transformation was horrible with hormones racing everywhere, peer pressure to be ‘like his mates’. I was a bad mother because I wouldn’t let him do what he wanted. He even had a new groups of friends that were into drugs! I was firm and held my ground and he actually broke down and sobbed one night. When everything had became too much-attention from girls also. Glad to say he is okay now. So I hold out hope for your son. Communication is the key just persist. Good luck. I feel for you.

  • Sounds very hard situation. I think trying to understand what is going on for him is a priority. Maybe start with trying to find out what is making him angry and full of attitude? Is he overworked, stressed, not doing well at school, having friend issues, something else? He may not talk but try and find out without confrontation and making the problem work. It may help you cope with his moods (when you realize what is wrong) as well as work out a course to help him out. I also think ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ is relevant… eating in class seems VERY minor compared to alcohol use. Perhaps the school needs to be talked to and asked to work with you on the ‘big issues’ (like frustration, over-work, alcohol use or whatever is going on) without frustrating him and exacerbating the problem over ‘small stuff’. I think working at Maccas shows he is very able to get down to work etc. Being promoted is great but is Maccas what he wants for the rest of his life? I’m sure he realizes grades are important so again maybe back to school to see how you can all help him create his goals and succeed.

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