28 Answers

I’ve always been a big girl and I was big when I got married nearly 4yrs ago. My hubby is constantly asking me why I don’t want to lose weight and why he has to tell me to go to the gym. I joined the gym 1.5yrs ago on my own after I had my 1st baby and lost some weight with the help of medication (which he doesn’t know about) but I got pregnant again 6mths later. I paused the gym till recently but I’m just not motivated anymore. He literally argues about it everyday and I stay quiet because I don’t want a big argument or divorce.  I’m thinking of surgery but he’s not keen on it. I don’t sit all day doing nothing. I look after the kids and do what I can around the house but apparently that’s not enough for him? I’m meant to be going back to work in June but I’m thinking I’m going to resign as I won’t have time for gym, work, kids to/from child care and looking after the house. Is that selfish of me? Should I quit? Do the surgery? Sorry I’m just after opinions on what others would do…

Posted by mom103477, 17th February 2015

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  • No, don’t quit your job so you have time for the gym, how silly. The gym should be the first thing to go if you’re short of time. Find ways to work out at home

  • I wouldn’t go down the path of surgery. Try reducing portion sizes. Keeping busy always helps me not think of food.

  • I’ve just noticed the date on this question and it’s been a couple of years, so I was wondering how you went/what decisions you made. I hope you are well and healthy and that all is going well for you.

  • A visit to the GP, maybe with hubby to help him see how much support he is going to have to give you, might help. Perhaps a dietician/nutritionist can help too. I’ve found people’s metabolism gets more efficient if they eat the right combination of foods (eg wholemeal bread and not white, wholemeal pasta, more fibre, more lean protein) and that might help with weight without requiring impossible hours at a gym, just “normal” activity.

  • I would rethink about resigning from work ( unless you hate your job ) as I think this part might give you sanity . If you feel you are bullied by your hub , then he may have an anger issue that needs to be addressed . Personal health is a private matter as it is your body . Unless it is life threatening then really it is none of his business . I would look after yourself anyway ( and mentally ) so that you feel good and able to deal with your relationship properly . He sounds a bit unreasonable pushing you like that instead of encouraging you , so I would be more assertive about yourself to gain confidence in handling his issues . I would seek professional counselling if this worsens as comments like this can worsen your self esteem . Hope you get support soon .

  • How is everything going for you now?

  • Being forced, pushed, manipulated into losing weight won’t work. He is clearly frustrated. I think you both need to speak to someone who can mediate because this could ruin your relationship.

  • Don’t quit! I can’t believe hubby is putting so much pressure on you! Incorporate exercise in your day to day routine. Take the stairs instead of the lift. Walk instead of drive where you can. If you have to take the car, park a good distance from your final destination. Sounds like you run around after your kids a fair bit, take them to the park and really let loose. Ignore any looks from others, love life! And eat healthy, chuck the crap. Put it all together, and hopefully sane thing works for you.

  • This is a difficult situation and one that others cant answer for you. I would feel uncomfortable and upset if my husband said that to me. I guess you need to sit down with your husband and say that you don’t feel you have the time to be a mother, train at the gym and work and seek his advice in what he would like you to do. Instead of the gym can you do family activities like walks in the evenings or bike rides? And change the family meals to a healthier option? I used to love going to the gym, but I agree that these days I just don’t have the time.

  • Hi mums, iv taken everyones advice onboard. Thanks for all the feedback. Looks like my husband just wants to see me being active (gym, swimming), which I have started doing regularly. I already have a stomach band but it hasn’t done anything since I got it 6yrs ago which is why I wanted to do surgery again with something more reliable..

  • I think you have a lot going on here and I would suggest talking to a professional such as your GP to ask for their advice and they can help with safe weight loss.

  • Hi i,’m sorry that your husband seems to be hassling you about your weight, I’m sure that it is coming from a good place. Whilst I agree with what the other ladies have said about contacting your gp and making sure that there are no underlying issues I would also be trying to talk to your husband about ways that you can achieve a healthier weight/lifestyle together. This will not work if hubby is constantly “picking” arguments about your weight/health. Try to come up with a plan where together you can make a start on changing things. Organize a family walk outing, even if it is just starting small by walking around the block, then progress to walking further distances. The kids if old enough will love being able to scooter or ride bikes as you all participate as a family. Work together on making diet changes (if this is part of the issue) by Woking out a family meal plan, look at what you guys eats as a family and see what things on the menu you can substitute with a healthier option. Work out a time with hubby where he can watch the kids while you go to the local YMCA or gym and participate in a fitness class and get a routine established, I’m sure the kids would love some daddy/kid time and the workout will be good for you to release some stress from the day. I guess what I am trying to say if you make changes as a family rather than the onus being just on you to change there might be different motivation and it wouldn’t feel like a chore and it would be less stressful on both you and hubby. I wish you all the best.

  • I’m sorry you are having such a hard time but your husband sounds like a bully.
    Ask female friends family and anyone you can for help and support.
    You deserve better. x

  • i am really glad that you are getting so much support on here from us moms! it would be lovely to see what you think of it all.

  • By all means go and have a health check, because you would want to be a healthy mother. Weight is something so many of us battle with. Walking and swimming are healthy exercises that are easier to do rather than being in a gym. They are exercises you and your husband can share together if is is encouraging you. Once you feel fitter you may like to play tennis or golf something you really enjoy.
    Diet pills are dangerous and have been known as a link towards serious health problems. Surgery is also such a high risk. If your husband is not encouraging, but being insulting he needs to think about his approach. You said he wants you back at work, he wants you to drop weight, what about what you want? Don’t do the weight loss for him, if you feel you need to, do it for yourself. You said he generally is argumentative and he is hard to please? You know what it is not your responsibility to make him happy! just like it is not his responsibility to make you happy. Happiness eludes many people because they don’t take responsibility for their own feelings and like to blame another. You said you don’t want to get into fights or end up divorced…has it really come to this? you have a baby and a toddler, you keep house attend to all the domestic stuff and care for your babies, that is a full time job in itself. Not everyone is cut out to juggle career and parenting. Some do it others don’t even want to. If you feel your a stay at home mother, then that is what you need to do. This is what you need to do for yourself and your inner happiness. Your husband needs to be accepting that this will be rewarding for you and your little ones. They will be all grown up and off to school in no time at all. The years pass so quickly. If you need extra income, you can become a family day care provider. Some mothers have no choice but to work to provide for their family some like to put career ahead of being a stay at home mother and no one has the right to judge either. Some fathers are happy to be the stay at home dad, it is wonderful the choices that are available. You and your husband may need to have some relationship counseling, to work out what you each want from your marriage, careers and parenting.
    I wish you every happiness.

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