9 Answers

So my little one just started school this year and has ended up going to school with 2 kids from mothers group who we catch up with occasionally. These two women (who are very good friends) weren’t going to send their kids to this school as they wanted to go to another school and they actually snobbed the school when they asked where my daughter was going.

On the first day of school they were there and we said goodbye to our little ones and I walked up to them while they were talking to each other and I said hello; I know they heard me and saw me but they didn’t acknowledge me at all and didn’t even say hello back I felt so awkward so I spoke to one of their little girls then just slowly turned and walked away. My husband saw all this and said I can’t believe they didn’t even say hi! Anyway now I feel really uncomfortable at school as they will walk behind me I say hi and they look the other way.  When we have had nights out I have always gone and picked them up. Am I being stupid? Any suggestions as to what I should do and how to approach this situation. I don’t see them every day as I work 3 days of the week and when one of the women is not with the other she always talks to me please help?

Posted anonymously, 10th February 2015

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  • The direct approach is the only answer. If you wish to be friends with these people, you must go up to them and ask them nicely “Have I done or said something wrong to upset you? If they say no, then ask them quote..’why when I say hello do you ignore me, because I like being friends with you both’ end quote. Be pleasant, keep calm, and they should melt. Most people will react pleasantly when asked directly and nicely. This also works with husbands wives and children. Always ask why in a nice way.

  • Thanks everyone for the advice
    we all went out together in the group about 10 of us and i couldn’t bring myself to say anything so im not going to bother and forget about but funny they did talk to me on the night out and i did mention it to another friend in the group and she assured me its not me as she has similar happen to her by the same mums

  • Asked them what is going on, and explain that you have seen them look away when you have spoken to them, and it is getting beyond the joke! If it keeps happening, you need to move on. Just stop talking to them, make new friends at the school instead.

  • The best thing to do is ask then flat out what the problem is don’t play games fair dinkem people get on my nerves tell them to get over it. Its adult bullying your better then them there got there knickers in a not over it. Smile girl.

  • If they continue to treat you like that they are not true friends. Or one Mum is too weak to stand up for herself. You may only be hurt more by their responses it you contact them.
    Schools that have a few “feral” kids sometimes attain better results from most of their pupils whereas the other one doesn’t. Are some of the kids going to public school and others to a private one. If they are next to each other, may even be sharing some of the facilities. A family I know missed out on their preferred school by one block. Zoning can be quite stupid. I met a lady and her young daughter who was due to start school the following week when I met them on the bus. The family had just moved to Australia with his work. At that point they had no car and were going to have to save for one as they had no credit reference in Aust. They were within walking distance of one school but was one short street out of zone. They had to walk further than that to the bus stop to go to school. Then the Mum had to do the reverse, then go back at the end of the day to collect her daughter from school. Certainly not an ideal situation in bad weather.
    I would try to make a fresh start with new friends. Maybe the other Mums who have turned their backs on you will regret their decisions later and it will be too late. Accept them back as friends and they may treat you the say way again in the future.

  • I would just forget it and move on to better people. Some people can be so pathetic. I wouldnt even bother asking what their problem is, they dont deserve your time or effort.

  • It appears to be disgraceful behaviour by adults. It is common courtesy to acknowledge someone when they say “hello”. Two options; confront them and ask them if their is an issue or they have a problem? or ignore their behaviour and move onto other parents. There are plenty of parents that act with maturity and honestly no one needs this sort of drama in their life. It sounds like there is a ring leader; if one mum will talk to you when the other is away and this is poor form by the other mum. I would not want this in a friendship. I would be suggest making connections with other parents and do not go out of your way for these people. Do not allow them to dent your self worth.

  • You could just go up to them and ask what the issue is, or even call them. However, I have learnt with people like that, forget them and move on! They are not worth your time and effort.

  • That’s absolutely not kind of them. I would phone them or better stop them and ask them if they have any problem with me. Don’t let them destroy your days!

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