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My partner is out of work again and driving me nuts he’s been drinking and when he drinks he starts to yell. No one else but himself is right. He grew up in a broken family and lost a brother when he was little. He talks about the past when he drinks and will not go and see a counsellor he reckons no one can help him. Because he is out of work he is driving me nuts, we have been arguing a lot what on earth do I do! I have kids and I try to look after them the best I can and have tried to make sure there are no bad influences around them. But then sometimes I get told that I am the worst mother. When my partner and I argue it is away from the kids late at night. Does anyone here have common problems in their relationship? I would like to hear from you and maybe possibly grab some advice? Thanks.


Posted anonymously, 21st October 2014


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  • He sounds like he definitely has issues. I wonder if these issues might be affecting his ability to hold down a job. Hope you got him to seek help, or have left him, either way it solved


  • I’d contact Relationships Australia for advice. They are amazing! I’m so sorry to hear this is happening :c Men can be so stubborn.
    When he is in a good mood, I’d try talk about it all calmly then. He needs to know how his actions are making you feel!
    Do you get along with his family? I usually talk to my partners mother if things are sour. They have great advice and may even quietly talk to them aswell!


  • My partner and I argue a fair bit because she is a sub contractor, so during some weeks her works 5-6 days straight but then other times he may only work 1 day in that week and the rest of the time he is at home with me and our baby but he doesn’t help me around the house or anything like that!! He goes and visits his mates, he makes a mess and doesn’t clean it up straight away, he leaves clothes all over the house and he also doesn’t get paid every week. So we are always arguing about money and it drives me nuts too. The only way I deal with it, is when he’s in a good mood we talk calmly to each other about the issue and I explain how I feel about what he does and I have found that method has solved a few of our issues.


  • This must be an incredibly stressful time for you and the kids, I understand your partner does not want to see a Councillor though, men have enough trouble dealing with their problems with themselves rather than tell anyone else their shortcomings. Firstly if you feel you or the kids are in danger LEAVE, even if you have to say your aunt is sick and you’ve gone to visit. Personally I’m an old fashioned gal, I believe its our role to boost our men up, help him find a job by motivating him and encouraging him, get his ass out there with your metaphorical foot up his ass, get him to think outside the box, what does he enjoy? what would he ideally like to do? In terms of drinking, thats tough, its a coping mechanism but it dosent help anything; not his mood, money situation or job prospects. If possible socalise more, get him around friends and family who you want him to model his behavior upon, alternatively if you trust him hand him the baby & the house keys and go and get a job yourself! you never know it may be just what you both need! Good luck!


  • First of all, I just want to say, that you are not a bad mum, or a bad person. When we get ourselves into a situation like that, its hard to think straight and its hard to make the right decisions. I agree with what Jillian said, that you should ask him to leave with the understanding that you do love him and care about him, and that is why you are doing this. He needs to get himself sorted out, and he wont do that while he has you there to abuse and use as his punching bag (figuratively speaking only). Make sure he is aware that you are not taking the kids away and that he is more than welcome to visit the kids (on days/nights stipulated by you) but not stay over. No matter how late at night you argue, the kids will know. Believe me, been there done that. Good luck with everything. And just remember you are doing this for the good of your hubby and the whole family. You are not being selfish. xx


  • Hard one ,we argue but we been together 30yrs .Try walk away when gets heated till u both calm down.End of the day ,do u love him ,does he care if yes ,it’s a slump .Keep addressing work training info or advertising his services .


  • I too was experiencing the same situation lucky for me I was he one who was stable and had my own home. I told him that until he sorts himself out (ie speak to a professional and get some kind of work…any kind of work because while he sits around on his backside he’s no good to me or to the kids) he is no longer welcome to stay but he could see his child.
    That was 2 years ago and he still hasn’t changed.
    I am thriving with 3 children on my own and we are planning holidays and everything. Your life won’t end if you no longer have a man I promise ( and I don’t make promises lightly)
    If a man is behaving in a way you don’t like please don’t subject yourself or your children to it. I did it for a while and couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to do it myself because no one else will fight your battles for you.
    I hope he sorts himself out and things get back on track for your family.


  • If you want to work things out make him leave the family home and start counseling if he wants his family back he will pull his socks up x Goodluck


  • Take the kids out of that environment. You are just kidding yourself that its ok. He needs shape up or ship out.


  • I agree with Raylee …. you should leave, plan it well…. he will wake up to himself and on’t go back until you are well and truly satisfied he has met all your requirements.


  • Hi my husband doesn’t yell and carry on but most men when they drink will not listen, sounds like you both might need some counselling , like a mediator , as by the sounds of it he is not listening to you, hope he wakes up to himself


  • I was once in the same seat as you, but things ended up going down hill fast, and before I knew it the abuse got worse and then the hitting started. I don’t think it matters how late at night you argue kids are always alert to things, even our emotions and they can feel the pain you feel. Don’t forget they are apart of you in more ways then one. The only thing that i can advise is not to stay, it is not only a bad enviroment for the kids but you also have to think what the cost is to you and your health. hope your ok.


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