135 Answers

I moved into a new house we bought earlier this year with my husband and 3 small children. All the neighbours around us are similar ages to my husband and I with children similar ages to our kids. They are all quite good friends as they’ve known each other a few years now. We are friendly with them and they are quite chatty out the front. Today they had “neighbourly” Christmas drinks at one of their houses and they were all invited except for us. If it was just the “old” crowd it wouldn’t be so upsetting, but they invited 2 families that have moved into the street after we did. They also had ample opportunity to say something about it as we spend a lot of time today out the front putting up xmas lights. I am quite upset about being left out and don’t know how to approach it. I can’t think of anything we may have done to upset them and my children are well behaved. Do I say something? Thank you.

Posted by anon, 26/11/13

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  • I can imagine you felt excluded. Like other I would throw my own party and invite all neighbours including those who excluded you…don’t do the same what they did, inviting them is a more powerful message

  • Gee, this was posted a long time ago. I wonder what the outcome was and if all the neighbours are buddy buddies.

  • i probably wouldn’t say anything and try not to think about it.

  • Have you considered having your own drinks and get together? Invite your neighbours and get to know them

  • I’d love to know how things went with the neighbours in subsequent years.

  • I see you posted your question the 26th of November 2013, that’s such a long time ago !!
    I’m curious how you went from then ?

  • This is a really tricky situation. I too would be upset by being left out but hubby would have just laughed off and said who cares. I guess if they didn’t want to include you then it’s their loss!!

  • I’m not sure what I’d do if I were you. In my case I like saying hello to my neighbours but that’s about as far as I’d like things to go, so in my case I wouldn’t feel left out – probably relieved instead.

  • How awful to be so openly excluded!
    I would be so hurt & furious I wouldn’t want to see ANY of them!
    But if it means a lot to you to be closer to your neighbors, hold your own get together!
    Invite as many or as few neighbors as you like, put on a BBQ, organize some fun activities for the kids & have fun getting to know your neighbors!
    Put in some effort & I hope all goes really well for you.

  • Yes! invite them over for coffee or tea!

  • I wouldn’t say anything, it’s their choice who to invite and something like that wouldn’t bother me either, but that’s just me. If this is important to you and you want to be included, I guess what other Mums have suggested, hold your own get together and invite them.

  • Maybe arrange something at your house or park whether it be a bbq, some snacks and drinks, or a play at the park or something and invite the neighbours as well. Sometimes its a bit hard to judge whether someone wants to be included in events or not.
    Quite funny really, we have lived in our rental 3 years. My son played with all the neighbourhood kids and we were friendly, but kept to ourselves. The 2nd year here we were invited to a local new years eve party which start the relationship with the neighbours and got us chatting to other neighbours as well. The end of last year we got married and invited some of the neighbours. One of them had the best time at the wedding and was so surprised about how much fun my husband could be (as he is always very shy and quiet wherever we go). Now she expects him to tear up the dance floor at all the parties.
    Give it some time, but also make an effort, don’t just expect to be invited.

  • It’s a hard one, is there someone else in the street who was at their event that you are really friendly with? You could maybe ask them if they knew of any reason you wouldn’t have been invited. But remember you could all be neighbours for years, it may be better to just let it go and see what transpires from here on.

  • Totally understand how you’re feeling I would’ve felt cut about not getting invited. I wouldn’t confront them about the invitation though just let it be. You could either host your own party and invite everyone except for them so they could see how it feels to be excluded or invite them to a party/BBQ/play date and it’ll be a great opportunity to get to know everyone and for everyone to know you and family. It’s great being friends with your neighbours but make sure they’re worth the fuss

  • I think it depends on what you are comfortable with – I would not be comfortable with having a confrontation by asking them directly but would give a friendly wave and maybe ask them in for coffee.

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