78 Answers

I’m a first time mother to a 4 month old baby. Since our son was born my fiancĂ© has changed. He will go and play golf, drink everyday to the extent that he doesn’t even wake up to our son crying. I’ve voiced my concerns and they don’t get heard or we just end up fighting. Is this a normal behaviour in new fathers and does it get better???? I don’t want our son growing up in this environment.

Posted by Anon, 03/12/13

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  • It’s normal to change behaviour after kids, but that behaviour is not normal. Typically they stop that behaviour to help care for your kids

  • I hope that you were able to get through to him

  • I feel sad reading your question – my friend’s husband basically reverted to his adolescence when their daughter was born and they divorced. I hope it worked out for you. There is a lot of support with counselling, family counselling, beyond blue, etc. He might have been feeling excluded. I know a lot of men feel helpless when the baby comes as they don’t know what to do

  • hows everything going?
    hope you are ok by now

  • How did it all go??

  • It can be completely normal for men that are scared or don’t know what to do. Dad’s don’t generally wake up to crying babes either, our wonderful Mummy hormones make sure we do though!!
    As your son gets older and starts to engage your hubby may come around and be involved. Until then the babies are sleeping, feeding, pooing, weeing and only mothers smell will calm them, some men will feel helpless during this phase (even though they aren’t!).
    Men can also get baby blues and some also have trouble “bonding” with their babies. I would imagine that this would play havoc with them, could you imagine not bonding with your child but knowing and hoping that you would? I reckon I’d be a whole lot of angry!
    Big hugs, you are doing a great job. Try and get him to open up, there may be something deep seeded going on.

  • Seems weird … leave if you are not happy and you are going unheard.

  • He may be adjusting to being a father still. I don’t think it is a good reason though.

  • i wouldn’t know what to do to be honest.. i would be devastated

  • there are some good comments here

  • maybe have a talk to him

  • He may not be coping with the enormous responsibility of financial and emotional commitments that come with being a parent. Does he have any family members that you can talk to who may be able to talk to him.

  • That’s horrible! you should talk to him first. Maybe there is an underlying reason…Anxious or fear of the unknown in the dad?

  • i would speak to your maternal child health nurse. they can put you in contact with a professional who can help.

  • It definitely isn’t normal. I hope he comes around and begins to get a bit more involved.

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