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16 Answers

Another child is more advanced with classroom work, but my son is doing very well. They are also extremely competitive out of class also and it’s affecting his confidence.What should I do?


Posted anonymously, 28th May 2014


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  • I agree with the others that you should teach your child it’s not a competition and that it’s not about winning, that everyone is blessed with his/her own set of brain and has his/her own pace. Tell your child he’s special and important anyway and that you’re not more important or more special when you win.


  • Is he going to a special grade or advanced classes ? My sister in law had a similar incident wit her daughter r. That could happen as everyone is competing against one another . it is very normal for him to lose confidence and it is not his fault. Sometimes kids are put in the wrong classes and this will affect his confidence simply he is doing his best his own way . I would talk to the teacher and see what he thinks of his progress now and if the class is suitable . Tell your son not to worry and to do his best . Sort it out with the teacher and go from there .


  • Let them go, a bit of competition is good for kids,mint builds resilience. Teaches them to deal with life’s knocks. He’ll have his time to shine when the does something better then the other kid


  • kids are competitive by nature maybe just explain that not everything is a competition and look at the example you have set for him. do you ever compare him to other kids or just against his own previous achievements? he may have got this from watching you our his dad or older siblings being competitive.
    a good idea is praise him every time he improves regardless of other children, try to get him to understand as long as he is getting better he is winning.


  • Tell him he is doing a great job an to stick at it:)


  • My girl is really competitive too. I am doing what others have suggested here – telling her winning isn’t everything, that it’s the journey that counts, that different people are good at different things and praising her for her efforts. But she’s still competitive and wants to win. Sorry that didn’t really help. I have no idea what to do either other than to keep doing what I’m doing and maybe it’ll all sink in eventually.


  • A touch of competitiveness won’t hurt, but it sounds like it might be going overboard… Maybe you could talk to him about how it’s a good thing if several people do well? That it isn’t always about being “first” – doing well, having fun, doing your best are all important.


  • Tell him he is doing fine. Talk to his teacher maybe they can help too.


  • If it were me I would just make sure I praised my son all the time for everything that he achieves.
    Just tell your son that everyone learns things at different stages not everyone is the same.


  • I would talk to his mum about this and tell your son that its ok and he is doing great


  • tell him that your proud of his hard work and its not all about winning


  • Let him know you are not interested in the other child’s achievements, only in your son doing his best. It doesn’t matter who wins, only that they try. I’d talk to the teacher too so she can keep an eye on it in class.


  • You really need to speak to the teacher and voice your concerns, they should be able to help you.


  • Tell him ‘ít isn’t about becoming first all the time’ it is about the journey. What he has learnt getting to that stage. Would he do something different. My son was quite bright in primary school but when he reached secondary school he didn’t know how to approach or tackle different issues, because he had found everything so easy.


  • just tell him it isn’t always about winning


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