26 Answers

My child recently started school.
Some older kids have been rough with her and after long suffering she has retaliated and hit back.
After this incident, the school started sending me letters and now even mentioned this in her social skills improvement area.
Earlier I have seen the same teacher shushing my little one when she pointed out another girl in the same class who slapped her (her words were I already told her and she never did it again).

But somehow I feel my child is getting targeted after one incident where she only hit back to protect herself. What should I do?

In a verbal conversation, the teacher sounds very easy and casual but goes on repeating that incident constantly in written communication with me – sometimes even using the words like “it happens daily”… Well you never told me daily…I am confused and surprised and I have really started to loose my sleep over it.

Every time I have tried to get back to her with facts in writing, she calls for a verbal discussion chat and then restrains from agreeing or disagreeing to the facts I have stated. She does not reply me in writing and her verbal discussions does not match with her written communication ever.

Please help me. What should I do?
This is getting really stressful for us now…!

Posted anonymously, 17th March 2021

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  • its great that you are putting your communications down in writing. If you’re unhappy with the communications you are having I would ask to have a more senior staff member present, and CC them in all emails etc.

  • This is tricky. I think you need to have an honest chat with the principal (and the teacher needs to be in the meeting too). You need to have clear questions so that you can gain an understanding of the whole picture. When responding be mindful not to become defensive, and ask for examples of behaviour/interactions. You need to acknowledge that hitting back is never acceptable (even if you secretly believe kudos to your kid for standing their ground) :)
    You also need to be prepared to hear things you might not like. But also, the teacher will have to be careful of what they say so the truth should come out.
    At home, you need to discuss your findings with your child and try and get them to talk honestly and openly and understand that you are on their side no matter what.
    I would then email the principal the outcome of your discussions and ask her to acknowledge receipt so that everyone is on the same page.
    Sometimes the adjustment of new schools or first year of school can do strange things to kids. If they don’t find their sense of belonging it can make it so hard on their self esteem and character.
    Separate to the issue with your teacher, it might also be worth trying to investigate the root of the first issue with the other kids. I’m surprised the principal or deputy principal did not get involved earlier!

  • I would probably try and talk to the principal and if that doesn’t help I’d honestly think about changing schools

  • Yes, definitely go and speak to the principal.

  • I think it is better to talk with principal or Head of department.

  • Go talk to the principal and tell him what you have told us and see what he says and say your child is suffering over it and it’s stressing you on what to do. If you do no good you might have to change schools for peace of mind.

  • Is your child really being picked on? Or as a mum, are you just seeing it this way, being a bit sensitive because it’s your beloved child

  • Sounds like you need someone to mediate. Not sure who, maybe a counsellor?

  • Since this teacher is not addressing the situation or contradicting herself then you need to make an appointment to see the Principal. It’s not right that your daughter should have to go through this without her teacher helping out. Wish you luck

  • This is terrible but I would be definitely making a appointment to see the Principal

  • I think you should get the principal involved! I definitely would not be putting up with this sort of behaviour.
    Bullying should not be tolerated especially in this day and age and in glad your daughter has stood up for herself!

  • I think it would be time to speak with someone in the leadership team about your concerns for your child?

  • Send an email to the school principal stating that you want to make an official complaint to that teacher insisting it is put on record. We had a year 6 child where the teacher behaved like that. It is essentially bullying behaviour of a teacher to the child.

    It was only after this that the teacher stopped harassing our child.

  • Involving the Department of Education is a good one when things aren’t solved with the staff at school. Make sure that with everything what you do, you leave a paper trail ! Words on paper are proof, words in a conversation aren’t

  • I totally agree with all the answers asking to talk higher. I had a problem and went straight to the Education Department, it was sorted out VERY quickly.

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