Hello!

32 Answers

My child recently started school.
Some older kids have been rough with her and after long suffering she has retaliated and hit back.
After this incident, the school started sending me letters and now even mentioned this in her social skills improvement area.
Earlier I have seen the same teacher shushing my little one when she pointed out another girl in the same class who slapped her (her words were I already told her and she never did it again).

But somehow I feel my child is getting targeted after one incident where she only hit back to protect herself. What should I do?

In a verbal conversation, the teacher sounds very easy and casual but goes on repeating that incident constantly in written communication with me – sometimes even using the words like “it happens daily”… Well you never told me daily…I am confused and surprised and I have really started to loose my sleep over it.

Every time I have tried to get back to her with facts in writing, she calls for a verbal discussion chat and then restrains from agreeing or disagreeing to the facts I have stated. She does not reply me in writing and her verbal discussions does not match with her written communication ever.

Please help me. What should I do?
This is getting really stressful for us now…!


Posted anonymously, 17th March 2021


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  • If you can’t get anywhere with the teacher seek out the principal and if all else fails change the school. Your child will probably also appreciate the change as she must be sensing the negativity to her from the teacher.


  • Have you thought about speaking to the principal? Or maybe even the department of education? Talking to someone higher up cam simply help the situation or genuinely put the issue into placement where it becomes resolved one way or another.


  • Whenever you talk to her follow up with an email outlining what was said. This helps not only record it but confirms the conversation and hopefully gets you something in writing.
    If she won’t respond to you in writing and tries to talk just keep recapping the conversation in writing.
    If you can’t work it out though escalate it to the head teacher/principal.


  • I think you need to keep track of what’s going on here. First keep a diary and ask your child about the days activity and news you should know about? Any incidents, any hitting? Give that a week or two. These days emails from teachers are normal. Phone calls are unnecessary as emotional words can be used. I think I would start afresh by talking to the year Head and see if there is still a problem with hitting, if not ask the teacher to move on and let your child do the same, Kids learn for their mistakes and teachers need to let up and let go and not brand the child. Give it a term or two for the kids to settle in at their new school if you feel they are continued bullying then address it and when you see no improvement leave! Nothing wrong with changing schools I did and my kids did very well settling back into the routine and making friends.


  • I would be calling the education department. Ask for there advice and explain what you have infact already done. L


  • Personally I wouldn’t answer the phone when she called and send a follow up email cc’ing the Principal or deputy in and say you’d like to keep track of everything via email.


  • its great that you are putting your communications down in writing. If you’re unhappy with the communications you are having I would ask to have a more senior staff member present, and CC them in all emails etc.


  • This is tricky. I think you need to have an honest chat with the principal (and the teacher needs to be in the meeting too). You need to have clear questions so that you can gain an understanding of the whole picture. When responding be mindful not to become defensive, and ask for examples of behaviour/interactions. You need to acknowledge that hitting back is never acceptable (even if you secretly believe kudos to your kid for standing their ground) :)
    You also need to be prepared to hear things you might not like. But also, the teacher will have to be careful of what they say so the truth should come out.
    At home, you need to discuss your findings with your child and try and get them to talk honestly and openly and understand that you are on their side no matter what.
    I would then email the principal the outcome of your discussions and ask her to acknowledge receipt so that everyone is on the same page.
    Sometimes the adjustment of new schools or first year of school can do strange things to kids. If they don’t find their sense of belonging it can make it so hard on their self esteem and character.
    Separate to the issue with your teacher, it might also be worth trying to investigate the root of the first issue with the other kids. I’m surprised the principal or deputy principal did not get involved earlier!


  • I would probably try and talk to the principal and if that doesn’t help I’d honestly think about changing schools


  • Yes, definitely go and speak to the principal.


  • I think it is better to talk with principal or Head of department.


  • Go talk to the principal and tell him what you have told us and see what he says and say your child is suffering over it and it’s stressing you on what to do. If you do no good you might have to change schools for peace of mind.


  • Is your child really being picked on? Or as a mum, are you just seeing it this way, being a bit sensitive because it’s your beloved child


  • Sounds like you need someone to mediate. Not sure who, maybe a counsellor?


  • Since this teacher is not addressing the situation or contradicting herself then you need to make an appointment to see the Principal. It’s not right that your daughter should have to go through this without her teacher helping out. Wish you luck


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