16 Answers

I’m currently 7 months pregnant and feel like I have no bond with my baby. I am actually despising being pregnant. My friends are more excited about this pregnancy than I am. I actually hate the way I look and feel. I know it’s not normal and try to fake the joy I should be feeling and I don’t feel I can truly say how I feel without others condemning me. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy and it was a huge shock to both my partner and myself and we never found out the sex. My partner is a very quiet type of bloke and doesn’t express how he feels and at times I feel neglected and that he only stays with me cause I’m pregnant. He doesn’t talk about the baby or come to any appointments, he’s been to the initial appointment to book in the visit with midwives and to 1 ultrasound. He works out of town and is only home 3 days out of every fortnight and even when he’s home he doesn’t look at me like he use to, doesn’t touch me or talk to me like he used to. My only hope is when my baby arrives my feelings will change and I can begin to bond with it. Did any other mums feel like this and then once baby was born have their feelings change? I’m scared I am setting myself up for failure and will be a horrible mum.

Posted anonymously, 24th February 2015

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  • I hated (and hate) pregnancy too.
    Had similar situation. Partner was not that interested. He ended up leaving when baby was 5 weeks old.
    Best to focus on your own health and needs. Maternal instincts do come in after birth. But if it’s still a struggle there are great support out there, but you need to take the first step to use them. PANDA hotline is one of them. Also pre-birth and after you can discuss concerns with midwife.
    You will need extra support with an emotionally absent partner. It does make pregnancy suck more. It’s okay to feel not okay with it. It’s tough.

    I’m happy for you to contact MoM and they give you my email details if you’d like an extra ear.

  • I loved being pregnant! Only bit I didn’t enjoy was the morning sickness. Everything else I loved, wish I could do it again……without the labour lol

  • Even though this is suppose to be a happy event you sound miserable and very sorry you feel that way . An unplanned pregnancy can be good or bad depending on how you feel. I would urgently see the help of a family or relationship counsellor as if this is not solved now , both of you could develop into further problems , especially if communication is lacking . Hope it works out soon .

  • I am sure by now your partner loves the baby heaps. i think he was scared of hurting you or bubs, do not stress i am sure his feelings have changed . Please let us know how you are doing.

  • All normal I say! Firstly it’s hard work creating a life, then there’s the hormones (my husband said this might be our last child as he doesn’t think HE can handle another pregnancy) and other side effects… reflux, morning sickness, hunger and debating what food I can handle, joint pain, sciatica, a friend got a rash called Pups?! Seriously starting to wonder what is there to enjoy about pregnancy! It is a means to an end. A friend with 2 older children said you forget what its like – someone asked her if she liked being pregnant and she said she loved it. Then got pregnant with her 3rd and said she had to go back to that person and say she was wrong, she wanted her body back, she felt yuk!

    Hope everything is going well for you now. Part of the pnd questionnaire they ask if it was a planned pregnancy or not. Make sure you seek help if you need it, don’t leave it til you’re not coping and look after yourself. As mums we feel an enormous amount of undue guilt and doubt

  • I loved pregnancy, once the morning sickness was over and I got the indigestion under control. Here’s hoping things improve fir you when baby is in your arms

  • We had a planned pregnancy and it was nothing like I had imagined. Tossing and turning at nights, sore knees, trouble climbing steps etc. Hubby didnt touch me for fear that i would miscarry and the having the baby was nothing like i had imagined. But then after a few months they smile at you and you witness all of their milestones and makes it all worth it.

  • My Best friend suffered with Prenatal (Antenatal) Depression with her second pregnancy. She was very honest about her feeling and was judge terrible by family members. She now has 2 beautiful child that she loves to bits…. and Family that forgot their judgments; but she remembers.

  • Congratualtion at becomming a mum by now you would of had the baby, i know with my kids it took a little while to adjust once bubs was born. Fearing the unknown, scared to love the bubs . I hope you have support network and if you get the chance to be part of a mums group do it. It might be hard at first but this group might end up been your sanilty support network. My mothers group was i realyy stuggled at time to be bothered to keep going but i pushed through and stayed in touch. It was so hard as i had deppresion but didnt realise it. Once i did i got help and the cloud lifted. You are already a fantastic mum due to the fact you are on here reaching out for support so that in itself says a lot about how much of a great mum you already are you jut dont know it yet.

  • I had horrible depression and horrible pelvic pain and was just uncomfortable. I hwted it. Never felt loved or anything either, and worried how I’d ever bond, but you do, don’t worry. :)

  • don’t feel bad because you don’t enjoy pregnancy doesn’t mean you are or will be a bad mum! when the baby is here i am sure that you will be fine

  • It is not uncommon to feel the way you do, and many people suffer from ante natal depression, we do not talk about it but it is common, when you are having a baby you and your partner are going thru a lot of changes and it can be difficult to cope with them, I would speak to your gp about how you are feeling because you do not want to be feeling like you do when your baby arrives, Please seek help so that you can adjust to the changes that are happening, sometimes just talking about your feelings will make you feel so much better, and remember we are all different and all bond at different rates with our children. so see your doctor and talk it thru and enjoy your baby.

  • Yes!! I hated it with a passion. If i could of just had the baby but no pregnancy i would have a million babies.

  • Firstly, good on you for coming here and saying how you are feeling. It is quite common to feel the way you are, but I think you should talk to someone and talk through these feelings . If you feel comfortable with your doctor please talk to them. They can also refer you to a counsellor or just someone to have a chat to – there would be many other Mums feeling the same way as you are! I really feel that doing as much as you can now to help you to come to terms with the way you feel will make the rest of your pregnancy and the future with your baby easier.

  • I hated being pregnant! Both times! I felt uncomfortable all the time. I didn’t have any issues with my hubby not paying attention so I’m sorry I cannot offer advice to that. However, when my babies arrived, I was thrilled! I loved being a mum from that minute they arrived! I do hope things change for you when your baby arrives. Good luck

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