12 Answers

Seriously, it’s getting quite frustrating! After he comes home from work, he zones out & it’s impossible to get his attention unless I start getting grumpy – and only then does he listen! I don’t want to become a whingey wife but he’s driving me crazy. Hearing tests show that his hearing is normal & he just says he zones out into his own little world. We’ve talked about it & he doesn’t see a problem, but I’m feeling shut out. I just want to talk to him about how our day was, like any other couple does! Does anyone have any tips or suggestions that have helped you? Thanks in advance.

Posted anonymously, 5th January 2015

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  • I hope you were able to find a solution.

  • My partner is the same. It’s his way of coping. I just let him go and deal with things in his own way and time. I know he’s having a shit time at work at the monent so he’s not very happy, but he’ll get there.

  • Sounds to me he’s tired and needs some space & quiet time for himself and relax. We’re all different in the way we express and when we express, something we also need to respect. The more we get to know each other the more we can tune in. It takes two to talk :)

  • I think if you give him a little time to himself once he gets home just to chill out and then approach him casually and calmly to ask him about his day he might be more likely to respond. I hope you find the answer.

  • Ha! I think that if you find the answer to this question you could be a millionaire.

  • Following this to get some advice – very frustrating!

  • My hubby is the same, he’s very quiet after a day at work and doesn’t have much to say. We enjoy conversation on his days off tho, so not all bad. We’ve been together long enough that I just “know”…..when to talk and when not

  • He needs to chill after work,let him have his space for a bit then chat.

  • He might need a bit of down time to relax after work, just like you need company after your day!

    Time to shake things up – when he gets home give him 30 minutes to chill then suggest you go for a walk, go to the pub, get nekkid and bring him to attention ;) or something that isn’t lazing about, but connecting

  • Just like us mums want 30 min to escape the world men also do and that time is the minute they walk in the door! Although we want to tell them everything in the first few moments as mums,wife, partners we need to meet them half way. Make it so the first 30 minutes after home time he changes, checks sport scores and just escapes the world. You need to let this happen. you can also do this in this time. Then after that time you can then download on each other. Ensure you are being a couple, date nights and special time together. Also Gary Chapman has a book “love languages” we are all different and this book shows that our love tanks need to be full, but to get it full our partner needs to love us in a certain way. EG his love language may be touch and yours quality time. he may think that by cuddling you thats all you need and you think you need to talk. Make the time to get this sorted and adjust your evening routine for him and make it known thats whats happening.

  • The fact is men are not our girlfriends. Women talk different to men. They talk in few words. Maybe try asking about his day and listen. Then when he finishes say I want to talk about my day. See how that goes. Fewer words seems to sink in better I find.

  • Let him zone out for 30 min then ask him if he would like a glass of wine/beer and then get the kids to show him something they did today. Or even get him to go outside with the kids he does not need to join in…..I find mean need that downtime so they are unwinding from work. Good luck.

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