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How should I explain my children? – I am a mum to my own 2 children and my partner also has 2 daughters from previous relationships,my partner and I have been together 8 yrs and at first when asked how many children I had I’d say 2 of my own and 2 stepdaughters but when asked these days I just say 4 children. It was brought to my attention the other day that some people would see my remark as a lie which has never been my intention. Should I just go back to saying I have 2 children? I don’t want to offend anyone and I’ve never tried to be their mum because they already have a mum. I have step siblings and half siblings but when asked I just refer to all of them as my brothers and sisters.

*Helpful & respectful comments only please
Posted by anon, 24/10/13

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  • It’s your family, if you see them as all your kids, then say so. People who know you well will know the whole story, everyone else doesn’t need to know the full story. Those that matter, don’t mind. Those who mind, don’t matter. Simple


  • You say what your family thinks is ok, stuff everyone else!


  • Nope, I see no need for you to change your answer. As far as you’re concerned, you have 4 children, if others can’t cope with that….it’s their problem not yours


  • My step dad considers my mum’s children his. It really depends there are 4 children and you are a parent to them all. It does not matter how they came to be.
    . The funniest one I have seen with people saying children are theirs when not was at a wedding. The groom was know to the bride’s side as the youngest son of my in laws, The groom introduced the best man as his little brother, bride side was stunned. The groom had been brought up since 10 days old by his mother’s parents and was 4 years younger then my hubby, so was considered a little brother to him.
    So whatever you decide just make sure the children know what is going on and are happy with it.


  • I totally agree to do what feels right for you.


  • THINK YOU ARE CORRECT IN SAYING YOU HAVE 4 CHILDREN,AS AT THIS MOMENT THEY ARE ALL IN YOUR CARE,THEREFORE A FAMILY….THIS IS MY OPINION ANYWAY AND NO WAY IS IT A LIE.. IF EXPLANATIONS NECESSARY YOU CAN IF YOU WISH SHARE FURTHER DETAILS..BUT YOUR AND PARTNERS KIDS ARE SHARING LIFE TOGETHER.. IN MY EXPERIENCE KIDS LIKE TO FEEL EQUAL AND PART OF THE WHOLE LIFE AS IT IS NOW.. YOU ARE MUM AND HOPE THEY LOVE IT! ALL THE BEST. MY FRIEND AND I HAVING A LAUGH 15 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE BUT WE LIKE EACH OTHER! END OF STORY


  • Do the children see you as their mum? If they prefer you to say you have four children, why not stick with that?

    It’s fine to just say 4 children anyway in casual conversation, and explain 2 step and 2 of your own later, nobody with any sense or compassion would call that a lie.


  • I dont think its a lie, you have four children, most people dont need to know the biological foundations of your kids, you would’nt say anything if they were adopted, there is no need to give it too much thought really!


  • if you are helping to raise them, then they are your children too


  • Do the children have an issue with you saying four? If someone adopts a child should they say they have no children because they didn’t give birth to the child? It’s not about how many children you brought into this world, it’s about how many you love as your own.


  • It’s up to you what you say and what you call them! As long as the children agree, it’s no one else’s business!


  • Have you spoken to the children about their blended family. Ask them how they would like to be referred as?
    Two mine two his we are a blended family or we are a family of four children. No disrespect to the other paternal parent. Being pulled up may have been in a formal setting like a interview at school or a medical doctor asking for information that’s o.k. but anyone else it’s a need to know basis and no one’s business anyway. keep up the good work as a parent of four children.


  • i call my step daughter my own too because ive been there for her more then her real mother has


  • I call my step daughter my own daughter. I think when you separate biological from step you cause a divide between the kids.


  • I don’t think you should have to explain – people shouldn’t be offended by you caring enough to call all four your own!


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