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I was always shy at school and stuck to myself and hated it. My son started school 2 weeks ago. When he was at kinder he always hungout with 2 friends only and they now are at different schools. He is very shy and wants to stick with the girl in his class he knows, but she likes to play with everyone. The teacher says in the classroom, he chats and plays with everyone.. but at recess, he just stays in the shade by himself being shy and won’t play on the playground or with the girl he knows because she is playing with others as well. How do I help my son get new friends? My heart breaks knowing he spends a whole lunch time in the shade by himself :'(


Posted by fibear, 20th February 2014


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  • That is very sad indeed. I would initiate picnic and playdates as well. I actually invited often some classmates with their mum and siblings over just to connect. When my daughter was in yr 2 and my son in yr 1 I organised a combined birthday party in a playground with all the parents and siblings invited too. It was massive and a great success. One of my daughter classmates was never ever invited to a birthday party before and the mum broke out in tears how lonely she was. From then onwards I invited the girl over every week for several years and the girl blossomed.


  • You could ask your son to invite a couple of his closer classmates over for after school playdates to see if he can strengthen friendships.


  • I’m so worried about this happening to my daughter. She starts next year.


  • Very heartbreaking and I hope everything has improved? I like the picnic suggestion and play date suggestion someone had. I suggest building his confidence in a variety of settings – ie he is ok in the class but not outside the class. If he is interested in a sport or willing to give an outside activity a go such as little athletics, etc then that would be a good start. The more people he meets and the more settings he socialises with, the easier it will get for him in the playground


  • This sounds like one of mine… happy to play quietly alone, I was more worried about it than he was … he was happy.
    Do you have an update?


  • At my daughter’s school the teacher always makes sure that the preps are going out to play with someone. Could you ask the teacher to help?


  • there are some good comments here


  • try a sport or out of school activity


  • Hmm.. Maybe have a little party that he can invite his classmates over for some arts and crafts sessions so everyone get to know him better? Also, find out from the teacher about how he is like in school.


  • You should be able to go into the class one morning as a parent helper and this will allow you to get to know the children in his class. Once you sort out a few that you think he would get on well with you can either invite each child over on different occassions for a play or perhaps invite 4 or 5 for an unbirthday…just have a little party with no presents…just bring yourself and come and have a couple of hours fun. Those at the party that you think mess well with your child ask their parents if they can come for plays on other occassions.


  • When mine started school within a couple of weeks one thoughtful parent took it upon her to make up a flyer for the whole class, Family picnic at a great park one month form now. (Plenty of warning book it into your diary. Bring your own everything. Idea is to meet and make friends and introduce yourself in a friendly environment. We had a ball, we swapped phone numbers and email addresses and had a list made up of kids names and contact numbers. We were able to get in touch with every child’s parent to arrange play dates and more class picnic’s and outings. Play dates are the way to go early on..


  • Perhaps you could send him to school with a toy, (ball, toy cars, something you don’t mind losing..lol) and he might attract some kids to play with. I found school was very “clicky” and hard for shy kids to make friends


  • i have a 5 year old too. she has just started school and is almost the same case. the child she was friends with in kinder is in another section. my daughter cried for first two weeks, than frowned for next two. and today she went happily in her class. Kids are very good at coping, they tend to forget things with little distraction. Talk to him about playing with other kids. give him lots of rewards of kisses and cuddles. tell him if he is happy, you are happy even if he cant see you. he’ll fit in soon i am sure. just give him some time. i might not be a big help, but i wish you good luck.


  • I work so my son is in before and after school care. I have an RDO next week though so ill try chat to the teacher then to see if she can help me organise a play date with one of the kids.. thanks for your comment.


  • It’s heartbreaking to know they are alone at school. Could you ask the teacher who he works well with in class so you can organise a play date with that child & even the mum? Ask him if he would like to invite anyone over for a play too. Other than that just keep encouraging him to play with the other kids or get him involved in an activity to help boost his confidence :)


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