Hello!

6 Answers

Me and the father of my children (3.5 years and 11 months) split about 6 months ago. Long story, short, we get along fairly well and I always try to be nice and reasonable for our boys sakes. We have 60/40 care of my 3.5 year old (60 is me) and I have 100 percent care of our 11 month old until “he is walking and off the boob”. Father takes the 11 month old for 3 hours on Saturday and on Sunday, or until he starts being grizzly (doesn’t change his bum though or put him to sleep).
Recently father complained that he was getting sick and tried to be nice in suggesting maybe it was the state of his house that could have caused it. 3.5 year old also complained of a scratchy throat after coming back.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care about a bit of clutter, but his house is gross. There’s dishes in the sink with mold, food laying around everywhere, rubbish everywhere, even lube (and whatever else) on the toilet room floor. I mean its gross. I tried to help him and cleaned his house for an hour while he sat on his butt.
Back to the “sickness”. He got pissed at me saying this and said its just cluttered…. in the end I told him that he would have to clean his house or he is not having the boys. I am worried about their health and safety while they are over there.
I tried to be nice and it went back and forth, in the end he stated that because I have 100% care of our 11 month old that he would not take him at all after his house was clean and that he was going to fight me in court about having our oldest son 50/50 and quitting his job…. i ignored his antics and name calling. He eventually said sorry and blamed it on a hard week.
How can I talk to him normal now after that, he basically said he doesn’t want our youngest ever….


Posted anonymously, 3rd November 2020


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  • Please for the children’s sake keeps your fights between the pair of you and be civil. If there are no legal custody arrangements in place atm its something you will need to tread carefully because he does have just as much right to the boys as you do.if you still speak to his side of the family could tou talk to one of them about the father because who knows what he is going through.


  • You will need extremely good self control to get over this. As hard as it is, im a firm believes in keeping parental stresses away from the kids.


  • Be straight to the point, talk about only the care of your 2 children, nothing else. Speak to him about how you feel about and issues


  • Mediation and a custody agreement might hopefully save you some sanity. Then you can discuss the cleanliness factor also


  • This is someone you’ll need to communicate with until the kids are at least 18. I think getting on the same page is so important and sometimes going to counselling to help may be beneficial for everyone


  • Sounds like it’s time to get a legal custody agreement in place before this drags on and get worse as your youngest gets older.


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