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Sorry if this sounds snobby or anything like that….My son who is in prep at school had a play date yesterday. It was a spontaneous play date at home with a boy (who is in his class but grade one), I had no idea they were even friends at school and to be honest it kind of freaked me out a bit. I was not prepared at all for it, I know I cannot choose his friends and I would not want to but this boy was a little weird (sorry for the blunt wording) and I also did not feel comfortable at all with his mum…..so I guess how do I not encourage these play dates?


Posted by ehooper, 28th May 2015


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  • I don’t think you sound snobby. You have a weird feeling about this mum, so listen to it. Just be busy all the time. It might not work all the time but it will get you out of it sometimes. This is life right? There are just some people that we don’t want to spend time with


  • Yup, you sure sounded snobby! How would you feel if other mums were trying to avoid play dates with your kid for whatever reason. Not nice thought is it


  • Unless you have any particular issue with the child or mum (eg bullying, thieving, mouthy etc) I don’t think you have a good reason to stop contact. If the play dates are in your home, it’s easy to monitor. If you notice distasteful behaviour, certainly stop, but until then being weird is not a good enough reason


  • Maybe a case of trusting your gut instinct? If you’re not comfortable with your child being around this child and the mother also makes you feel uncomfortable, I would say that’s a good enough reason to not encourage play dates. I feel a bit sad for the other child, too many children are ostracised for being ‘different’ or ‘weird’. But as a mum, it’s your choice, you’ll do what’s best for your son


  • Its always a tough one! Goodluck


  • This is a hard one, you can’t stop them being friends but you can stop them socialising out of school. It’s easy enough to make up excuses why he can’t attend. Otherwise the other option is to maybe have one more play date and see if you go an get to know them a bit better and you may find your opinion might just change? Maybe the other mum was nervous??


  • Just avoid them. Always have an excuse ready to avoid a visit from them and vice versa. It shouldn’t be too hard to be ‘busy’ they’ll eventually get the hint and stop asking. It’s a bit sad that it should stop because you consider the child weird. If the mum freaks you out too much, have the child visit yours. Your child and this child could have a really special relationship, you need to give it more than one play date. And yes, you do sound snobby


  • As parents its hard not to judge others because of trying to protect your child
    If you trust your childs judgement enough maybe their friendship is worth giving a try
    You may find the reason behind what you think is weirdness and it may be something innocent and not their fault
    There will always be kids you dont want your kid around but kids have to learn for themselves and its always great to see others so accepting and maybe your son doesnt think he is weird at all and maybe your miss informed about them both

    if serious red flags come up then try encourage other play dates with other kids or simply tell your child what you see or feel is wrong and why. in age appropriate conversation


  • A little story: my son had a friend that I was not to keen on, the same also applied to his mum. I did not judge or criticize or discourage him from being friends and playing with this boy. Now the boy is grown and has turned out to be a really lovely, very well mannered and a pleasure to be around. So the moral to the story, you just never know how things turn out.
    Your son must think well of this boy and enjoy his company so maybe you should put some trust in his beliefs.


  • Try and get to know them better first. As adults, we seem to be very judgemental of others and what they do/how they do it. Unless you mean they are weird in the sense of being dangerous. That’s a different story.


  • It is your business what you do, but I wouldn’t be stopping him, you as a parent should be encouraging him not to judge others on what they are like, look like but how they treat you and also act to others how you would like for them to act toward you. Why would you want to stop him from already doing this?


  • Its a tough one and I’ve been through it too when my girls were little. The simplest way is to keep your kids busy with other friends so they don’t feel they are missing out on play dates. You want your kids to be friends with kids from homes with similar values when they are growing up. I hope this doesn’t sound awful, but its important that they have a good set of friends for the teen years and it starts early.


  • I agree with the other, get to know them a little bit more.


  • Just say no, but remember you wont always be able to pick your son’s friends and there will be times you don’t like them.


  • Maybe have another playdate but somewhere public like a play center, maybe they are new to this or dont get to socialise much with others. Having a child with special needs I have been here myself. and its the relationships with these mums that have helped her and myself so much over the years! give it another go!


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