14 Answers

My partner and I have two kids each, we live 40 minutes apart so our kids go to different schools and have different activity commitments etc. we are wanting to start living together by the end of the year but we’re not sure how to go about it. How do we decide where we live? Do we move all kids to a new area? Do we move to one location we currently live in and only disrupt one set of lives? Do we need to take into account our ex-partners? Any advice from people who have been through this would be much appreciated

Posted by mom465427, 9th June 2020

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  • Letting the kids make the decision sounds a recipe for disaster. I know how grumpy ours can get when asked about important decisions making and they can’t agree …and we only have 2. What do you do with 4 kids, if they don’t all agree. No pleasing all the kids all of the time and good parenting should not be about bending to the wishes of the children. It will all be different next week,or next month, depending on their age. You can involve you kid in many ways other than letting them have the final say what to do. This is about the parents. Their lives. Their work. Their relationships. Their routines. If the kids need to see the ex-partners regularly then think about that too. That is about it.

  • I think it’s important to involve the kids in all decision making as moving, changing schools and losing friends is such a big thing. Success !

  • Congratulations on thinking about this before you do anything. No matter what you decide, I’m sure that will help. You haven’t mentioned the ages of your children – that could be important in things like changing schools or not.

  • I would talk to the kids and see how they feel. If they don’t want to change schools ect I would find somewhere half way to move and live there. Kids can’t be made to make changes just because of Relationship changes x

  • Move to a new home halfway between where you are now then the kids can keep their schools and friends. Moving them is a big upheaval

  • The children have got to be in agreement with your plans otherwise it all falls out the window. Have the children stay at each others houses when you do and work out what is best for them themselves first. If one set of children is vehemently opposed to living together, then work on it together while you are still apart and if it still doesn’t work then move on. Because otherwise you will be moving on anyway with more heartbreak later. This is one problem that can’t be forced – the children do have to come first.

  • I don’t have any experience.But i think it would be hard decision.

  • This is so hard! Have you spoken to your other half?

  • We have a blended family of my 2 kids and my partners 3 kids, we let the kids lead some of the way – as much as we grew to love each other if the kids are very unhappy it’s a bit hard. We lived 45 minutes apart and eventually we started staying over as much as possible. While we talked about moving in, we did little things like create the bed space and let them pick and choose where they slept until it fell into a natural order. After a while, we talked to our kids seperately and they were keen about it and they agreed pretty easy with where they wanted to sleep. Now it’s 6 months on and there were struggles but I feel like not just choosing over their heads and uprooting their life for ourselves was the best choice. We moved because I naturally was someone who was happy to drive because I enjoy it more, he had a better set up and the school was better etc. Have a talk to your partner and the kids, not sure how long you’ve been together or how close you all are as friends/family but if both are willing to move it could be a chance to start new or maybe one of you is more willing to move. It feels so big but you’ve got this :)

  • I’ve no experience but can imagine it’s hard. I would prefer to move all kids to a different area so they’re all in the same boat, otherwise the kids who have to move will feel maybe disadvantaged compare the kids who don’t have to move, but that’s just a thought. It may be good to brainstorm with all parties involved. Success !!

  • We are a blended family with 2/2.
    It’s best to move into a new place together. So that all the children start fresh together, so no one can say the other family is ‘intruding’ into their space.

  • Have a chat with your partner first so you both agree on what would work best. Then have a chat to both sets of kids (separately so there is no pressure or disagreements)
    You might find one is happy to move. Or looking for a central spot possibly to reach all school and work requirements.

  • I am in a blended family, and I can tell u it’s about the kids not the adults. No matter how much u love your partner it’s the kids who play up badly. I have two step daughters who have never wanted their father to remarry and we ended up with a dysfunctional family where the division is made and our marriage is over. So I would advise u to take the children opinion also before taking the step. Good luck and god bless.

  • Does either side have kids that are more willing to move? If not then moving everyone would make more sense.

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