12 Answers

My partner has always had some issues in the past, it got to the point of being on antidepressants which worked for a little while. Now under care of a psychiatrist and on medication for schizophrenia as they are very paranoid about everything. I am very supportive but am feeling a bit down about it all under the surface and not sure how to process. What will my life and my children’s lives be like in the future?

Posted anonymously, 30th August 2021

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  • I am the partner in my marriage that has the mental health problems. I have schizophrenia- amongst many other diagnosis’.
    I was diagnosed at 17 which was 12 years before I met my husband.
    My mum is my main carer when I have episodes as it’s taken me so long to build up trust with someone when I’m unwell.

    I can’t commend my husband enough though for always supporting me when things are tough. However I find, especially in the beginning he sometimes got mad at me. This I think was due to his lack of knowledge of schizophrenia and being scared for me, that it sometimes came out as anger.

    As for asking what life will be like? I have now been living with schizophrenia for 17 years over half my life. And I like to think I’ve been able to live a reasonably “normal” life and achieve the things that most people do.
    I’m married, we have x2 beautiful daughters, we own a house, I work (at one stage I worked 2 jobs). Every few months the wheels fall off and I go into an episode and need intensive treatment. But I have an understanding employer who gives me all the time off that I need and a very supportive family who rally around to help us with our kids while I’m in hospital.

    It’s a vast difference from when I was first diagnosed and my parents thought they would have to be my life long carers as I was too incapacitated. Or from when my doctor once wrote on my paperwork that they deemed I would likely end my life at my own hands in the next 5 years ???? those things hurt so much to remember.

  • I take pills for anxiety. I sometimes have an attack, and my hubby just calms me down by holding me and letting me cream or cry. I feel for you. I know it’s not easy. I suggest when something happens, just calmly hold his hand, or hug him, if he lets you. Then let him talk about whatever he wants and re-asssure him everything will be ok. But, please make sure he does take his medication and not just go off them (without docs advise).
    In saying that, look after yourself too. Take time out for you. Take a walk, a drive, call someone, and let it out. You are allowed to have down days, and that is perfectly ok.
    Can I suggest going to http://www.ruok.org.au – you might find some useful information.
    Goodluck and take care

  • I really feel for you , for you both. Mental illness is bloody hard and can seem so unfair. You need support too. There are many other people experiencing what you are going through too and they will possibly be your best resource. Is there a group online that you could join? Someone mentioned a church group – if this appeals – it’s a great idea. Otherwise, what about a community/neighbourhood house? Your GP may have some suggestions too. You need some kindness for you and your kids. Your health & mental health are so important too.. Wishing you love and clarity.

  • My husband has been on antidepressants for the past 30+ years. Over the years when things started to get too overwhelming he would see a psychiatrist or psychologist depending on his issues, this was very helpful. We raised 2 beautiful girls and have lived a reasonably happy life, I can’t say it has always been smooth sailing but understanding that they have an illness even though you cannot see it. has helped. We have now been married for 34 years this year.

  • Have you sought counselling and support for yourself, independent of your partner? I think you need to. It sounds like you’re having a really tough time, and it’s a difficult situation.

  • I like your comment re church angel_chick !

  • Sounds like you need counselling too. Someone to provide a listening ear with no judgement. Only other suggestion I can make is join a church. There are lots of very supportive people there ready to listen, and it’s free.

  • I think you should talk to your gp and maybe look for some psychology’s session for just yourself for helping you to go through and answer your questions. Wishing you all the best

  • It may be good to find a family support group indeed. This can be specifically aimed at schizophrenia

  • I think you need to get support and maybe a group formed for people who’s partners have a mental illness. It isn’t easy for the partner dealing with trying to support them and looking after your children, the main thing is your health so look after you and your children first.

  • Mental Illness should be treated like any other illness, the patient should get the right treatment from a professional & then supported by the people who mean the most to them. Having lived with a person for most of my early life you just learn to accept it & give them space when the need it & love them unconditionally.

  • Every mental illness is different, and everyone’s treatment leads to different results. I hope for the best for you and your children. For the best outcome, it might be worth all of you accessing some extra support through therapy to deal with these new emotions. Good luck xx

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